Here is 100 words describing why I can't write 100 word on this subject. I don't know how. I only make it to about 10 before I start crying. I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I betrayed her. I remember the moment......I thought to myself......"This is what I promised myself forever, that I would never do". Even as I write this this I have my head down while I'm typing. How could I do that? What have I become? She deserved better. I'm sick of "learning experiances." I want the truth.

This valley is actually the crater of the ancient Waianae Volcano, its ruins barely recognizable except from the air - half of its rim collapsed into the ocean hundreds of thousands of years ago.

When you think of Hawai'i, you generally picture banyans and banana trees, not keawe and cactus. But I worked here for three years - tending and climbing fields of HF antennas in the Lualualei Valley, growing jalapenos and waking up to the crow of a rooster.

No air conditioning, no cable. Only the tradewinds sweeping down the mountains to cool us, the impossibly blue Pacific to entertain us.