I sneeze, and my chair rocks. I sneeze again, and I am almost blown across the room.

Some people manage to sneeze daintily, almost inaudibly into a delicate lace-trimmed handkerchief. I have never managed dainty, in this or anything else.

I am no-one's idea of a lady. If I itch, I may scratch it, though I try to maintain some dignity in public. I take big bites of my food, which I eat with my fingers when that’s the easiest way, and sauces have a way of ending up on my shirt. I like to paint with my fingers too.