Montgomery had passed out after a bender list that reads like an EPIC FAIL how-to: cocaine, Jack Daniels, cat tranquilizers, Reddi Whip, Clorox ™ Bright-n-Shine floor cleaner, four Big Macs, and a pile of vacuum bag contents suspected to have residual cocaine. His female companions, at the time concerned about potential media attention, first contacted Montgomery’s security guard.

After attempts at resuscitation proved futile at best, he was privately couriered to the Manhattan hospital and admitted under the pseudonym of D.M. Smontgomery. And there he sat, or laid, for three months, surfacing just in time for his coming out party.