I stayed home from school again today, which always makes me feel awkward and guilty. I'm always sick but nobody believes me and I don't believe myself so it's a moot point in the end. Really, any part of me that screams about how I'm in pain and I don't want to go anywhere is sort of just held under water for as long as it takes to suffocate.

This takes a very long time and until that point I just get … muffled screams, god I don't know. It's kind of gruesome though. Didn't know I was so vicious.