Living with a delusional drug addict is a horrible experience; as was seeing her die. My emotions were mixed once she had gone. A large part of me was just relieved that the nightmare was finally over. However, this feeling was peppered with guilt for not feeling more grief, fear of a future filled with responsibility for my siblings, and grief at the knowledge that the mum I hoped would return one day - not the one messed up by drugs - would never be able to return now. Singing at her funeral, which fulfilled her final, wish brought some comfort.