This is too much. Sitting here, listening to you two whisper and giggle and gasp, watching you flash your longing, piercing glances past me and straight at her. Couldn’t things go my way, just this once? I know I don’t exactly make my own situation easier, but do you really have to do this here, now, and do I really have to be such a masochistic coward as to continue listening and watching?  

Everything was easier when I didn’t let myself think for even a moment that maybe one day things might actually work out. I want my hopelessness back.