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May 9, 2012
I feel pleasantly high from caffeine, as though the world is full of possibilities, as though it's easy to banish negative thoughts. I believe in being positive--"Positive draws positive," M. always said--but often something in me draws me downwards.

"You bully yourself," my son tells me, and I guess I do. No sooner than I think of something good I've done but my conscience nags, "Sure, but remember when you did XYZ..."

Sigh. I wouldn't treat a friend that way.

But caffeine is a great drug for pulling my mood upwards--if only it weren't so bad for my ocular rosacea.