September 17, 2001
My deity is pissed at me. For, once again, I have broken his number one rule, his overriding declaration: Never lose control. He hates it when I lose control, because it breaks down and destroys all that I've accomplished in one swirling tornado of unaccepted emotions and desires. The force and conviction of my words and actions completely lose all potency, because the foundation is destroyed, the moral slab that gives one's soul integrity. So, once again, I will have to bow down and feel the licks of his whip in the form of my guilt and regret and disappointment.