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October 7, 2012

A word like ‘bucolic’ doesn’t denote what it sounds like – or should we say doesn’t sound like what it entails: rural scenes, rolling pastures, sheep’s curly-assed tails.

But ‘pastoral’ doesn’t do the country bumpkin justice, either, as it sounds descriptive of a man ‘o the cloth, not hills.

So in keeping with terms that would ring closer to their meaning, an embryonic linguistic paradigm will emerge from the rubble of our significantly garbled syntax, and come to be known as ‘Phunctional Phonetics’

What the hell? Twitter, texting, poetry slams, hip-hop and rap have already creatively enlivened our lexicon, haven’t they?