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January 1, 2013
My dad's voice is still on the answering machine at my mom's house. When I call and am not sure if she's around or not, I simultaneously dread and long for the machine to pick up. The moment it does, I brace myself but I know I cannot steel myself against the torrent of tears and racing heart. For the first time today (I'm typing this on 5 February, much later than the stated date), as the message played, I said, "I love you, Daddy, I miss you so much," as his voice played. It simultaneously comforted and destroyed me.