Dear Future Jodi:
Today a fellow named Don McLean debuted a song named "American Pie" at Temple University when opening for Laura Nyro. A little more than a decade after your graduation from that school, you will have a boyfriend who "sings" it in its endless karaoke entirety at a shindig at the home of your friends on Manhattan's Upper West Side. You will want to stab yourself in the ears with a Dixon-Ticonderoga No. 2 pencil and gouge his eyes out with a rusty grapefruit spoon. Please do not. Break up with him immediately instead.