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November 8, 2016
Pig Eon Parker doesn't like his name, really, but is that any reason for the other kids to go around calling him "Pigeon" and flapping their arms and bobbing their heads every time he enters the lunch room? Can't they just let him enjoy his pizza bagel and tater tots in peace? Why did his parents have to name him something so stupid anyway? What were they thinking?

He guesses "Pigeon" is better than "Pig", though, because that came with oinks, grunts, and endless "bacon" references.

He wonders why kids are so cruel. And why his parents were even worse.