March 31, 2019
(Continued...) When he does not, I reset to zero. In 5 years' time this won't matter. I've transcended the "hey universe, fix this" mind-set. There's also resignation, surrender, an insistent longing. Sure, five years ago, I was in this exact same place, hoping for my father to look for me when I haven't come home for days. There've been major progress, sure, coping-wise. It will always matter 5, 10, 50 years from now. The difference is that I can fool myself more easily now. It's OK, I say. You'll be OK. I believe it, hand to my chest.