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May 22, 2020
I am having trouble separating out the motivations that drove me into this career. Sometimes I think I was railroaded instead of wilfully choosing and there resides in me a helpless inevitability I constantly strive to rebel against; that if I donít resist, blossoms into knowledge of my certain defeat. I am a creature of will; I make my own destiny and I must believe this. The irony is that my persistent questioning and reassessing of situations, to prove I follow a self-directed path, is why I have survived so long: my doubt is keeping me sharp, keeping me alive.