May 25, 2020
Dear Ma. Been listening nonstop to Carrie & Lowell. Sufjan Stevens said something about the difficulty of mourning someone who wasn't really present in your life but who you've loved and longed to have in your life. "Should Have Known Better" is on loop the most. Yesterday Kuya and I had an hour-plus-long talk about feelings. Gold. A few hours ago at the dinner table I was near tears as I was asking Papa how he was feeling, was he OK (he said yes). All these kindnesses weigh heavy against the daily pains and it all sometimes seems easy.