November 5, 2020
In my 40s the realization would probably come somehow, that I've been writing these bitter missives as a form of revenge, a way to deal with my anger at not being loved the way I had expected to be loved. You get used to being ignored and treated badly that you fall in love with the first person who so much as looks at you. That's not a way to live, is it? Mayhap forgiveness can come, too. Not the half-baked, poison-laden kind that just kills you more. The real thing, whatever it is. Mostly forgiveness of self.