McAllister J.P. Dash Horton Cravensworth expects me to believe that's his real name when he can't even spell it. "Would you mind spelling that for the record?" I ask, stirring in my coffee, batting extra-long, extra-fake Liza lashes (at least in my imagination) and he stares at me like I just asked him to spell "#67DC5!!syc4%@" while juggling with one hand tied behind his back. He tells me he can spell the "J.P." part, doffing what I think is an imaginary tophat or some sort of chapeau, which I would've found endearing only lying and poor spelling weren't such turnoffs.