April 29, 2002
After spending all day telling myself I cannot push things, that I need patience and forbearance, I blew it all away tonight. Got caught in the web of words already written and wound up replaying the entire History, searching for clues, meanings. I confirm that it is all there for him to see if he would choose to look at it, and that I have not misremembered his statements. I cannot stop myself from sending another invitation, this one not at all veiled or softened by teasing this time, even if not revealing all my intent. Ex adyto cordis, indeed.