We had some trouble over the last day or so, because of old issues and old insecurities. I hate this, hate being envious of something that I could have done better about controlling, but didn't. I didn't work hard enough, and was too selfish, but there's nothing to be done for it now, except to make the future better. It will take a lot of hard, hard work, but I need him too badly to just let it go. Life's an unfair bastard. I want him close by, because we need each other. I need his presence. Oh my friend.