March 11, 2006
How am I regressing and become less mature and grown up as I get older? At my age I should be sensible and responsible and reliable, but no. Instead I am reckless, foolhardy, embarrassing and living more dangerously by the day. This is the morning after the night before. A night more wild and abusive than any I had when I was young. Worryingly the guilt is only the merest smudge on my conscience, shrugged off easily by apathy akin to a teenager. But there is real fear, clenching and cloying as my brittle future begins to crack and disconnect.