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December 22, 2002
The day after turning 37. I feel a little middle-aged today. I feel as if something has died, something is missing and I can't put my finger on it. I listen to simultaneous urges to cry and to call up friends and chat gaily on the phone. I do neither. There's an emptiness inside me that is more interesting than depressing. I can't put my finger on it, but I feel like I've lost something and been left with a shell of complacent mediocrity. Have I finally given up trying? Nothing seems to mean much anymore. I'm just killing timeā€¦