December 26, 2002
Ugly hateful day. Gray and dirty like my temper, my foul and hair-triggered temper. Usually January is my "bad" month, when everything comes crashing down around me. This year, malais seems to have a head start. Why do I hate so much? Why is it so hard for me to be cheerful and find joy in the world? It seems like the harder I try to find peace the harder the powers-that-be conspire to thwart my endeavors. I am an extra piece of the puzzle. I don't fit in and my efforts to do so are rewarded with ill-mannered rejection.