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December 17, 2002
I was sick all day long. I got up late this morning, skipping swimming, asking myself why I should get up early. Today for what? When I feel I'm not on good terms with someone, I'm always sick.

Can I get admission next year? Can I get a doctor's degree? I need Ivy league degree. I am isolated. I am a lumpen. I am not confident in my future. I am sorry for my sick old parents. I find myself unequal to the truth of the world. I want to be beautiful. I want to know how to love her.