December 13, 2002
Brian was raised on cheeseburgers, Coca-Cola and Sesame Street; fat, too damn hyper and, with the daily dosage of a contrived perfect world, constantly depressed. As the only child of mostly absentee parents, Brian abhorred his reality. Just about the only good thing that came out of his childhood was his vast vocabulary with vulgarity. Sesame Street taught him how fucked up his life really was and listening to his parents taught him how to describe it all. By the time he was twelve years old, Brian had already grown up to become the perfect representation of all of America.