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December 13, 2002
The strange growth appeared one morning. It was swollen and bruised. I, convinced it was a pimple, spent a good two hours poking, prodding, squishing and squeezing it- praying for a whiteyellow head to pop out.

No head, however, appeared.

Therefore, I'm sorry to say, the safety pin is the only alternative.

I am well aware that there are some (liberals) that would prefer I not use a WMD. However, I am absolutely CONVINCED that this ZIT will, NO DOUBT, lead to other ZITS, BLEMISHES, and finally, HORRIBLY…to BOILS!


I ask you, ladies and gentleman, is THAT what you want?