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December 6, 2002
Beautiful man.

I stopped to see him today, as its been a few weeks. Again reminded that he (seemingly) embodies everything I’m looking for in a man.

For 2 years now, I think “I want to kiss him”, “I want to understand him”, “I want him to feel about me, the way I think I could feel about him.” Never out loud. Too scared of rejection. Then “let it go, its never going to happen” and I really think I can do it.

and then we hang, or he stops by, or calls. and its all the same feelings. Maddening