December 15, 2002
Come to think of it, I guess that's how I've always been; I've just learned to suppress it most days. Otherwise the pain of being unable to express myself can reach an unbearable pitch. I feel like Salieri, when he rails at God for his musical inadequacy saying, "All I ever wanted was to sing to God. Why implant the desire, and then make me mute?" It seems unjust. Harsh beyond measure. What did I do before this plane of existence to warrant such cruel retribution? And worst, sometimes I'm close, only to have it elude me at the last.