January 24, 2003
Plans made fall asunder and the wait continues. It is a fresh kind of hellish torment. And yet every day I wait is another day in which I become more balanced, stronger and more removed from the other torment, another step away from the smoking remains from New Year's. The anticipation is also being noted in my dreams, or rather, the little fantasies that my mind spins in between waking and sleeping, not true REM sleep dreams, yet distinctly more than daydreams. The possibilities and potential are tantalizing but I do not want them to build up to unrealistic expectations.