Objects in the rear view mirror appear thicker with mullets. Masturbation's a sin. Masturbate twice a day. Don't eat fast food. Or just eat it slowly for the same lifespan as if you hadn't. Vote BNP if you think Britain's still an empire. Vote Lib Dem if you haven't got a clue (they don't either). Hate your job. Love your bum. Stare in confusion at charity muggers. Pity the Pope. Love like you don't need the money, work like no one can see you and dance like you've never been hurt. Always drink coffee black. Have fries with that. Breathe.