I shan’t be acquiring 250 Puffin cereal boxtops anytime soon… But today I splooshed upon the Audubon Sociey’s Adopt a Puffin website. For $100 I’d get: adoption certificate, vital stats, and letters perpetrating my puffin’s shenanigans. What? $100 and I can’t grappa my puffin home?!

Nevertheless, I tingle to do this, for sometimes one has to hoochie inside the system! And perchance, eventually, the Audubon Society would fatigue of quilting me letters, and simply FedEx the puffin instead. I pleaded with mommy, but her eyes cranked back “Even if I had the money, d’ya think I’d spend it on that?!”