My sister is pregnant. Twins. I’m going to be an uncle. My wife is ecstatic, and is now planning out when we should have our first kid. She hopes twins run in my family—she’s always wanted twins. I keep telling her that they don’t, but she hasn’t been listening. My sister, the hormonal one, thinks my wife is nuts—she’s scared to death to be facing two at once. Imagine them at thirteen, all mouthy and everything, she says, and that’s if I can get them both past diaper rash, teething—[groans] imagine the crying—potty training, walking, kindergarten…