First of July.

It's the first day of the seventh month of the year. Half of the year is officially over. Through, done, finished, kaput. And I still have not changed my life. Not at least a single action to do so, not even a sad solitary plan. I need help. I feel stuck. I would like to believe I still have time, but no, that is not the case. I may still have time today, but today turns to tomorrow, then tomorrow's suddenly just yesterday. Days pass, they go by unnoticeably quick. Time waits for no one. I'm nineteen.

You should have. You didn't. Get over it.

So today, I found out how my friend got into Sykes. She had her training during summer break.

I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.
I should have.

I should have, should have, done the same.

Oh well. Past now. It's time to move on. One last time, though. I should have. Damn it.

He came to her, incredibly nervous and shy, somehow managing to say, “Hi, is it me you're looking for?” jokingly.
She smiled. They looked deeply into eachother's eyes like as if they already knew eachother, because strangely they did.
Their wait was over, they were to eachother exactly what they wanted.
This is how I picture us meeting. Our fairytale.
However, I know there are some people out there who casts doubts on such a meeting.
I will so prove them wrong. I have seen you and I have loved, that cannot be erased.
I love you.
Written by Tony.

Do you know how it feels to be always broke? And by always, I mean always. Do you know how much it fucking sucks not to be able to buy what you want? Hell, what you need, even! Do you? No, you do not. Good for you. It's torture, it's brutal, it's misery at its best. I try to save, but I can't. Literally, cannot. Why not, you ask? Because I'm fucking broke to begin with, that's why! How the fuck do I magic money, pray tell? Ugh. Forgive me, I am just so annoyed at my life right now.

Today I sat beside an annoying human being.

Not to sound judgmental or anything (I'm merely just stating observations and personal opinions), but he really was annoying. He kept rubbing his knees, then down to his legs, then back up again; he kept ducking to see the road ahead, ducking to see road behind, ducking to see the buildings, the people on the sidewalk, the sidewalk, the ground, whatever; he kept drumming his fingers, rubbing them together. The whole time I was thinking, "ARE YOU OK?!". It severely bothered me. It was, by the purest essence of the word, annoying.

Today I had a class at 8am, so I left for school early. Well, early for me, anyway. The waking up part was excruciatingly brutal, but the commute to school was beautiful. It was rewarding to be out in that early morning haze, or should I say, early-ish morning haze. The streets were less crowded, the sun was soft and gentle, it was gloriously peaceful. Plus, it was raining the night before, which is actually the reason why it was so hard to get up in the first place, adding to the dream-like quality of the whole thing.

Inner evil.

Sitting alone at the mall feeling so awkward it turns into frustration, taking it all out by criticizing others instead.

What is she wearing? What the fuck are they doing taking pictures infront of that store? You’re cute, so why her? That's your phone? Snort. Why are you staring? That's rude. Go away. Excuse me, you’ve got some face on your make up. Why do you walk like that? And why are you wearing those horrible "Bieber" shoes? Ew. Why are you alive? Ugh. Die, stupid Neanderthals, die.

Mean, but hey, if it works, it works.

I wrote this long, long ago:

My boyfriend was dumped.

Is it normal to feel like such a loser now? Like, hello? I just went after some other girl’s-- forgive my choice of word-- trash? Is it normal to feel scared? I mean, it's possible he's only looking for some rebound girl right? Is it normal to feel inadequate? Because I know I couldn’t ever amount to how much that girl meant to him? Is it normal to want to break up? Because, for some weird reason, that tiny fact just makes me want to give up.

Aww.

You guys are talking, you guys are having fun. You guys are laughing, you guys are making each other smile. You've never felt a stronger connection with anyone before. You've never felt happier. Everything feels perfect, until a dark, nasty thought creeps into your blissful state of mind. Thoughts, rather. Plural. "Has he done this with her before?", "Did she make him smile like this?", "Do they talk about these kinds of things too?", "Does he really mean what he's saying?", "Were they this happy?", "Is he really even happy with me at all?". It ruins everything. I need help. :(

A day full of favorites. Except being sick, that is.

First was peanut butter. I love peanut butter sandwiches, but today, I did not get to appreciate them. I wasn't even able to finish one! Second was lunch with the whole family. I had to excuse myself to lie down. Third was ice cream. Ice fucking cream, can you fucking believe it? Me neither. I mean, isn't it supposed to cheer you up out of anything? Ugh. Fourth was my favorite banana cue.

Just when my day decides to be perfect, immune system decides to fuck up. Great. Just great.

She asks for adventures, but then submissively go about her daily routine. She wishes for something exciting to happen, but then turn down chances and opportunities that could possibly lead to them. She prays for experience, an interesting story to tell when she's older, but then she never take risks, seeming ridiculously content within the sad limits of her comfort zone.

Things would have to change. And soon. I feel like I'm falling behind. I feel like everyone's happily living their lives, while here I am, sitting in a solitary corner, just watching, waiting for some fucking miracle to happen.

Confession #1.

I used to be depressed. It even reached to the point where I got suicidal. No will to live, no will to kill myself either. It was horrible. I did try one time, though. Killing myself, I mean. I tried drowning. Submerged myself in water, let go of all the air within me, then breathed in water. But then it was painful. So I got out of the water, choking, coughing, hating myself even more, because I couldn't for the life of me do it. No pun intended. It was a horribly dark and ugly time for me.

Yes, being sick sucks, but losing appetite rocks.

Title says it all. It's like the answer to all my prayers, you know? It's so easy to decline food omg it's heaven! I love it. Today and yesterday, I only ate like so little wow it's amazing. And I'm not feeling hungry, either. Nope, not the least bit. It's crazily too good to be true, it's perfect! I hope this keeps up. But meh, I don't think so. Especially now that I'm hoping. Life's like that, you know? When you start to want things, it takes it away from you. Sucker.

Eggs.

I love eggs. Especially sunny side ups. They're just really amazing ok, and, I don't know, I just seem to have this weird inborn inclination towards them. So anyway, as you already know, I was sick the whole day yesterday, but today I woke up feeling slightly better. I got out of bed, went down, asked my mum what's for breakfast. My world lit up when she said eggs. Like a magic word. But when I started eating, my egg tasted bland. It was horrible. No, not the egg, but just the fact that I did not like it. :(

Today was Spend-All-Your-Money-Then-Regret-It-Later Day. Big splurge. The mall was having a big sale, though. So I'm thinking it's not so bad. I bought my own netbook. It's ugly, but I love it nevertheless. Plus webcam and mouse to go with it. Finally. I also bought a gift for my friend. Who, not to mention, had her birthday last month. Lol. But hey, better late than never, right? I also bought earrings! Very lovely rose and pearl earrings in different colors. So yeah, that was nice. But all my money? Poof. Gone. Oh well.

5th Monthsary. :)

Today, I had a dream with Tony in it. Perfect timing, I must say.

We were at a church, listening to some presentation thingy about the stars, galaxy & shit. Yup, weird, but that’s beside the point. So anyway, he was fooling around, bumping his jaw/neck on my head, and I was like, “Gosh, stop itttt”. Then he wrapped one arm around me, and I leaned onto him and put my head on his shoulder.

You know those dreams where you could swear you felt things? It was one of those. I felt him. He felt nice.

Magic Mike.

Today, my friend Miki Amper and I randomly just decided to watch a movie. And since we both were not feeling The Amazing Spiderman, we chose to watch (yup, you got it what with the title and all, of course you got it) Magic Mike instead. I knew they were strippers and all, but I did not expect butts. Naked butts. A lot of naked butts. And not to mention all those dirty, dirty, dirty dance moves. Hot. It made me want to have sex. I therefore conclude, it was a horny movie. My friend Miki Amper agrees.

Her name is Gemma.

She's the best mum in the world. And it's her birthday today! :D She's 46 now. We surprised her with a birthday cake this morning. We just barged right into the room and sang the Happy Birthday Song. It was funny because at first she thought something was wrong. She was sleeping, you see. So when we intruded, she jumped right out of her peaceful slumber. Like, literally jumped. She had this big question mark look on her face like, "OH MY GOD WHAT WHERE'S THE FIRE AT?!". Funny, funny.

Happy birthday, Mama. All my love. :)

Just because I only recently just liked their Facebook fan page, doesn't mean I only just discovered or found out about them too. God.

Because sometimes I just forget ok. And besides, I don't usually keep my Facebook up to date. I mean, it's freaking Facebook dammit, I hate Facebook. Man, oh man, I hate when people render false judgement and hastily jump to nasty unsupported conclusions. Especially when their judgement are always inclined to the negative and conclusions mostly just stupid. I don't know if they're really just incapable of thinking for once, but yeah it's annoying. Over & out.

Irrelevant title.

Hello there, this is yet another pointless post from yours truly, Charlene Papas. I haven't really anything noteworthy to say, but yeah I have to write something because duhh I'm like so far behind my 100words now, it's depressing. I'm like 10 entries behind now. At least 10 entries, rather. God, at least 10 entries, so that's like 1000 words equivalent. Holy cow, I need help. I used to write everyday, stay up to date, but then I don't know what happened somewhere down the milky way. Hey, that's a good one, yeah? Somewhere down the milky way.

Our friendship is on sale. 50% less.

I used to have this really close friend. Her name is Sunshine. We used to be really tight, used to tell each other everything, used to hang out at every vacant period we have, you know the works. We used to be so in sync, we used to get each other so well, we were similar in so many ways, which must have been the reason why we clicked right away. Now though, we rarely ever hang out anymore. And we just let it be. And it makes me sad, knowing what's coming.

These past few days.

Lately, I have been so easily annoyed and pissed. Temperamental, irascible, peevish, emotional, capricious, easily angered. Irritable, touchy, mean, hypersensitive, moody, easily upset. Oh, enough with my Googled synonyms, you get it. (Actually, it's embarrassing to say this, but that was just to lengthen my entry. Sorry.) I don't know what's up with me, or if it's really even me at all. I'm blaming it on my period (second day today), but I don't know, maybe it's really just me. My fugging self. Maybe I'm just really one sucky, cold-hearted, dark-souled female human individual.

Today, I brought my notebook computer out (of the house) to school (then to the mall) for the first time. I went to Leona Cakes and Pastries for lunch, then stayed there for a little while and talked to my boyfriend on Skype for a bit. It was nice.

Reasons why it was nice:
1. I was eating mango cake.
2. Mango cake is delicious.
3. It was nice just chilling alone.
4. It was nice seeing him during daytime.
5. It was nice him seeing me during daytime.

So yeah, guess I made that pretty clear, it was nice.

My love, there is something special between us two. I can't yet put my finger on it. But all I know is that it just feels so right when we are together, that the love between us is the strongest I've ever felt and the way we get and understand each other is amazing. I've said this before but there will never be a love like ours, never again. We are so right for one another, I feel it more and more everyday. Nothing in this world could ever compare to our love, to us. Tony & Cha.

Written by Tony.

Lucky.

I’m lucky to have a boyfriend. I’m lucky to have a good boyfriend. I’m lucky to have a good, sweet boyfriend. And I’m lucky to have my good, sweet boyfriend write entries for me on here every once in a while. He’s just the best. So far he has written two entries. It’s great help, because most of the time I’m just too lazy to come up with something. So yeah. :)

And, not to mention, he inspires me on most of my posts, anyway.

I love him, he loves me. Lucky indeed.

Reasons why I am entitled to have 7 as my favorite number: (Because it’s like most people’s favorite number now and it's just annoying ok I hate it.)

1. My birthday is on May 7th. Isn't that reason enough?
2. I said yes to my boyfriend on February 16th. 16. 1 and 6 makes 7.
3. Zac Efron’s jersey number in High School Musical was 14. Divide that by 2 from the previous reason’s February, and you get 7.
4. My boyfriend's born on September. September was 7th month of the Roman calendar until 46 BC.

I love Hany. (It's this cheap chocolate sold only here.) It's like the chocolate from my childhood, you know? So anyway yeah, since I love it, I decided I'd buy a whole pack of it. Stupid me didn't even check the Nutrition Facts at the back before putting it in my basket. So look what I found out; Do you know how many calories each of those deceiving little bitches have? 70. Seven-freaking-ty calories each. But they're so tiny, they seem harmless! By god, I used to eat 5 at a time! No wonder. Anyway, who wants Hany?

Cousin Jazel's little girl.

You might think this would be some cute little post about an adorable little toddler girl, eh? Well, I'm sorry to dash and trash your by all honesty unsubstantiated hopes, but this isn't. In fact, it's the complete opposite. This will be a rant about how fucking abnormal that child's cry is. Have you ever heard a pig getting slaughtered in an abatoir? That's exactly how she sounds like when she cries. And by exactly, I mean exact-fucking-ly. She doesn't just cry, she screams. She screams bloody fucking murder. It's not normal. What even.

It's hard to keep the faith.

Given the sad situation that we're long-distance, it's already pretty hard. But you know what makes it even harder? When people surrounding you are discouraging idiots. When they keep telling you it's crazy to dare hope for a future together and wish for a happy ending, that there is absolutely no way. God, people.

Being the self-diagnosed bipolar that I am, I have two initial reactions:
1. The "Fuck Off" Reaction.
2. The "How Do I Make Them Understand?" Reaction.

I'll explain about those next time, maybe. I'm out of words. Oopsie.

Zoning out.

There are times, and they happen quite often, when I just zone out, eyes glazed, staring right into space. You might be thinking, "What could possibly she be thinking right now?" Well, here's a pretty very likely answer:

I could be imagining some awesome movie starring me and my favorite guy at the moment (usually my boyfriend). It could be drama, comedy, suspense, action, it varies, but name the movie genre, and my history of movie imaginings probably has it.

So good thing people can't read minds, huh? I'm sure you agree. After all, we all zone out. ;)

So. I sort of promised an explanation about my entry like a couple of days ago. So since I've nothing to write about today anyway, here goes..

1. The "Fuck Off" Reaction.
Fuck off, people. It's none of your business, really. It's me and him ok, our lives. So would you be so kind to do what you're actually supposed to do and get your ugly poking nose off our silent little arrangement? We don't remember begging for your interference.

2. The "How Do I Make Them Understand?" Reaction.
Because sometimes, a girl just needs support, really. :(

There you go.