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They're people that don't give a fuck about what happens to others, just as long as their personal needs is fulfilled. All they know is this crazy delusion that they're entitled to get what they want all the time. They're leeches. They don't care about fairness and equality, that's one of the main reasons why I detest them so much.
I've never been the kind of person to take matters into my own hands when it comes to rendering justice, so I shall leave it to the universe to perform its task. Karma never disappoints. God bless them.
We were at BonChon that one time, and I couldn't finish my meal. You finished it for me. I couldn't believe what was happening before my eyes-- you, scraping what's left off my plate. I was taken aback, I didn't know how to react. Not that it was bad, but because it was.. new.
The same thing happened when we went to MOA, and had parfaits at Crazy Crepes. But that time, I wasn't so shocked. Instead, it made me feel all warm inside. Because the whole act itself, I found it very intimate. So couple-y, I liked it.
Last month of the semester.
One month and a half month for final semester. Well, technically just one month because the last couple weeks would be allotted for exams, so yeah.
One month and a half, that doesn't sound so bad. That doesn't sound so lengthy, it sounds tolerable enough. One month to keep it together, one month to suck it up. I think I can do that. The main thought of it just being a month is actually the main thing that keeps me going right now in the first place.
One month and a half, here we go.
I am torn between being optimistic and being the pessimistic human individual that I naturally am.
I think of it as like a road that divides into two different paths. One sign read,
"I hope this keeps up! Just sprinkle a little more effort here and there, and I know I can make it!"
The other one was less enthusiastic, but slightly more familiar. It read,
"That is just the beginning. Don't be too happy now, don't get your hopes too high. You'll come crashing down eventually, you have to be ready for the fall."
Sooo.. anybody got a map?
I'm sorry, but I just really need a place to vent right now.
So our class schedule is 1:00-3:00. Yesterday, it was announced that it's teaching demonstration day. The period will be divided into 1:00-2:00 and 2:00-3:00, with Group 2 going first. I belong to Group 1.
It's 1:00PM. I'm in school.
And what's even worse, Tony and I got into one of our sort-of fights as I was about to leave. To think, I could've stayed and we would've been able to fix it.
Ah, fuck. :'(
Tonight made me think of when we first met, when you used to go lay in bed with me every morning so we could cuddle for a while. It made me think of that, except in a much more deeper level. Like, the sheets were my walls, my barrier, and you get through it and you're just inside me cuddling my very soul. I know I'm sounding ridiculously cheesy right now (and not to mention crazy), but that's just really how it felt to me.
I've never felt closer to anyone.
I love you.
I read a book today. I've Got Your Number by Sophie Kinsella. I used to love her books, they used to give me so much feels and creys. I guess it's safe to say they've lost their magic on me.
So basically, here's how it goes; Girl meets Boy. They spend time together. Feelings grow. Something happens. Chaos. They get back together. Revelation of mutual feelings for each other. Then everything else magically fixes itself. Happy ending, woo!
And that's exactly how it went.
To say I was disappointed is an understatement. I hate how they're so predictable.
Always know that i'm not quick to judge
Appreciate your thoughts and ideas
Will listen to you
and never run into a senseless arguement
I dont want to see you hurt
or ever make you cry
You deserve to be happy
And i'll do all i can to ensure that
I would love to grow beside you
Stand beside you through it all
so finally i say, that i am dedicated to us and devoted to you
Written by tony
Let me see you smile
A smile that brightens my world
lights up the sky with a feeling of love
The smile that makes me tingle
A smile that no one can match
truly stands by itself
Do what ever it takes to make you smile that big smile
and shine that happiness into my world
Only your smile could do that, quite simply, beauty outstanding
"But I have seen the best of you and the worst of you, and I choose both. I want to share every single one of your sunshines and save them for later. I will tuck them into my pockets so I can give them back to you when the rain falls hard. Friend, I want to be the mirror that reminds you to love yourself. I want to be the air in your lungs that reminds you to breathe. When the walls come down, when the thunder rumbles, when nobody else is home, hold my hand, and I promise I won't let go."
As i write this i am staring at the watch you gave me.
The yellow watch, which is still ticking away and five minutes fast.
The watch i have now worn to important events, job interviews, meetings.
I wear it the same as way as you used too, even if i didnt intend too, it just felt more comfortable and natural, and made me think of you even more.
I remember how the very same watch was apart of you, and now the very same watch, is now apart of me
Written by Tony
Finally put into words.
The accuracy of this entry may or may not be very good, because I am writing this at the heat of the moment.
With that statement established, I shall begin.
One thing I don't like so much about you.
I've noticed it in little fragments. Bits and pieces here and there, I never really paid much attention to it. I even made up excuses in your defense;
"That's okay, he didn't know"
"Nah it's cool, it's his first time encountering such and such."
Sometimes you just have to take the initiative.
You know that moment when Twitter crashes? And it's just so frustrating you just want to complain about it somewhere, say, tweet about it, but you can't because oh yeah, Twitter's down after all?
I am faced with the unsettling reality that I've brought myself too close to you. And in effect of doing so, I've created a distance between me and everyone around me. You're my only real best friend now. And it sucks because I need a best friend, someone uninvolved, to pour my emotions onto (about you, my boyfriend), but I can't because you're both.
She's my friend. One of the really good ones who stayed. We've been friends since my YouTube days. That's a pretty long time ago, if you ask me. We don't talk as much as we used to back then, and things, I'll admit, have been a little different for both of us, but what's important is we're still friends. We may not talk as often as we did, but whenever we do, it's almost like nothing's changed. I love how I could just tell her whatever without the fear of being judged.
Thanks for tonight, Mary. I needed that.
On Friday the 13th
I don't know who started it, or what triggered its beginning, but I think that's pretty unfair for the date/day combination, don't you think? Not that dates have feelings, but yeah, if they do, imagine how they must be feeling right now. How would you feel if people just have this unfounded disinclination towards you with not even a single acceptable basis for it? One small mistake and bam, you're ruined for good. That's not fair.
The same thing applies to black cats (it isn't just people judged by their color after all), and etc.
Happy Monthsary we forgot
My dearest girlfriend today was the day we forgot our 19th monthsary. I want to use this time to say, although the monthsary slipped our minds, you are still the most important person to me. You make my day every day and give me a life worth living. You're my strength and i thank you dearly for being with me through good and tough times. I could have never have asked for a better person to share my life and my dreams with. You are amazing.
i love you
written by tony.
Maybe I'm swimming too much against the current? Maybe I should just let loose and just go with the flow? Why am I making things hard for myself when I can choose the easy way through by just letting things happen?
It's too hot today. Too much sunbathing.
I should definitely change my toothbrush. The problem doesn't lie about buying a new one because I already have a new one, it's that I always forget. My mind's been off to faraway places lately.
My grades were bad. Like, really bad. I never got those kind of grades before.
Someone says something. Your brain first recognizes the plus side. The pros, the happy note. Good news! But as your mouth was starting to form the littlest beginning of a smile, your eye beginning to light up with the growing joy inside you, your brain starts to catch up.
"Nope, not a good news. I repeat, NOT a good news after all!"
, I imagine it saying in hushed panic so as not to alarm the occupant. So everything just backtracks; the candle would be blown out, that premature smile turned upside down to a slightly distinguishable frown.
Leave a mark and you won't be forgotten.
The wooden sunflower on the door. There had always been this sunflower on our door. When we had the room painted, the painter transferred it, put it together with the junk. I decided to hang it back up, but by the window this time.
Today, mum came in and asked about the sunflower. I told her. Then she pointed at the sunflower mark on the door. It was slightly darker than the rest of the door. The sunflower is still on the door after all, and I'm guessing it will always be.
What's the point of even going to church?
I don't mean to be offensive or anything, but to me, I don't know what's the point. The thing about church is that it tells you their idea on what you should do to be good Christians or whatever. But what happens when you have your own idea, which you think is just as good anyway? Should there still be a need? I don't think so. The main point is that I will be good, I won't do things to harm others. My attendance at going to church doesn't matter, it's irrelevant.
My going-home buddies.
They are beyond me. Not all of them, really, they're mostly tolerable, but this one person. This one person.. is wow, I don't even know where to begin. She laughs at things that aren't funny, for one. She makes me laugh my fake laugh, and I don't like doing so because I know how painfully obviously fake it is it makes me cry ugh. But yeah. Another thing is how she talks. I don't know, but I don't know. She tells jokes and misses the punchline because she just doesn't do it right I don't know.
On Personal Space
Don't sit on the space beside me, don't you dare sit on that. Ah, fuck. Don't sit too close then, don't sit too close. What the ugh, now I have to move away. Don't even think about moving too, stay where you are. You move, I move.
Don't get too close. I don't like when people get too close, both in a physical and metaphorical sense. It makes me uneasy. I only let a few people in. I could count them all with one hand.
Don't take it personally, I'm sorry, this is just who I am.
When you try to justify yourself.
Even when you're wrong. Like, you can't accept the truth that you could actually make a mistake. Digging holes for escape routes, forcing your pathetic little excuses, just so you can avoid facing the fact that you're wrong. I don't ask for much, but is "I'm sorry" really too much for you to say? I won't hold it against you, you know. As what Alexander Pope would say,
"To err is human."
It's natural, so please just make peace with your shortcomings.
I'm not looking for perfection, Tony.
I love you, all of you.
The adventures of the white, plastic table.
I saw a group of student wearing white (white = not Nursing) carrying a table out a corner. But they sort of changed their minds because they left as soon as they put the table down (which was weird, but yeah what happened, happened). This girl went to take the table, but a Nursing student sort of like declared ownership over the table (put his book down like,
"nope, not yours"
). Shooed the poor girl away. Nursing students then carried the table back where it was taken from about a couple of minutes ago.
You know how when we spend some time with other people, how we tend to develop the same habits they have, how they seem to rub off on us as time passes? That got me thinking. All those twenty years of my life, I've spent some time with quite a number of people. With their little identifying traits or whatever passing onto me, I was thinking how much of myself is left. How much of me is me? Is there even a part left that's entirely me or am I just a collage of different people's qualities now?
Happy birthday to my only love!
Tony, please be happy. Don't be sad. Don't feel unimportant, because you are quite the contrary. You are the most important person in my life right now. No joke. It's like you're the sun and I'm this sad, lonely planet, just circling around you. I need to feel your warmth always, to know you're there. I need to see your light, you brighten up my darkest corners.
Tony, I need you. Like a flower* that can't live without the sun.
*Not that I'm a flower. I'm probably a leaf, or a fern, or something.
I love books. They're the greatest form of therapy, my escape, my best friends. They're everything that's good for me. I love books, that statement's been an established fact in my life since as far back as I can remember.
So it's pretty odd for me to feel this way towards them;
Like everything, books have their cons too, after all.
They give you false expectations. They make you want things you're better off not wanting. They turn you into discontented individuals quite unable to appreciate the beauty of reality because they're too busy living in misleading imaginary worlds.
Do you know how hard it is to stay true to yourself despite everything that's happening around you?
When everybody seems to be doing something, and you come out as the odd one out, it just makes you think, you know? Am I really where I stand? Should I keep standing here? Am I in the right? That would mean they are in the wrong then, wouldn't it? That's pretty presumptuous of me to say, to suggest that they must be wrong because I am right.
So what is it, really?
Am I insane?
Who needs some fixing?
Sounds like bullshit.
I remember this religious "concert" I got to go to one time. This girl was giving a speech. She was talking about how there were 3 of them, and how they all managed to go to such prestigious schools for tertiary education. She was giving us figures, like real money estimates. Then she was asking people how they did all that when their father was just a pastor. And then she was telling everyone to have faith in the Lord. God will make a way. Um, how about the simpler explanation that you guys are just rich?
"I said never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn't apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn't say sorry for falling. Feelings just are."
Iain S. Thomas |
Do not explain, do not justify nor disprove them. Never attempt to alter them in any way, don't even think about it. There is no point, for that is beyond you. What you can do instead is accept, and make peace with it.
You can't control how you feel, you can only control how you deal with what you're feeling.
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