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I can’t believe football season is finally here. Last year was the best year in franchise history for the Buccaneers. They started the year with a new coach and ended it with a super bowl championship. The Bucs seem to be picking up right where they left off in January. They started by winning a preseason game in Japan then finished the preseason by winning all of their games except one. Even more important than the wins is the fact that no key players were injured. It looks like this should be a good year to be a Bucs fan.
It is beginning to really suck to work for the Hillsborough County School system. Each year they find a new way to take away benefits or pay. These days if you are lucky you get a 2% raise as opposed to the 5% a few years back. Next after they have taken all of the money they can, they start to give us non-paid holidays. Now their newest trick is to raise the price of health insurance while giving us no choice of health care providers. The final moral booster is being told you are lucky to have a job.
Today I received some safety training at work. The training alone would seem like normal procedure for maintenance department. The thing that doesn’t seem normal with the training is that it took two deaths in less than one week to convince management that training was needed. One man lost control of a saw and cut his throat, and the other was electrocuted. I don’t believe that either of these men received proper safety training. I hope these unfortunate deaths will make the people in charge consider some type of periodic training before something goes wrong, because safety training saves lives.
Wal-Mart is taking over the world. You cannot go to a town in Florida without seeing at least one Wal-Mart or Super Wal-Mart. The Super Wal-Mart can cater to your every need. You can go to a super center and get anything from groceries to car care and anything in between. These stores serve their customers so well that other stores do not stand a chance. Other stores such as Kmart and Zayres have already been forced out of business. I certainly hope that Wal-Mart does not become a monopoly in the department store world, because competition saves customers money.
Today I encountered one of the strangest people in this world. He was a very skinny man in his early 30’s. The man had a tattoo of a big smiley face on the top of his head. He had more holes in his face and ears than a piece of Swiss cheese. He wore cut off jeans, no shirt and a pair of combat boots covered in purple glitter. The boots helped him keep a good grip on the pedals of his unicycle. As I drove by the weirdo he slammed back a beer and gave me the middle finger.
The class size reduction rule is a big joke. Everyone rushed to the polls to vote for smaller class sizes, but few people considered where the money would come from to fund it. It’s not just a matter of counting out the correct number of students to put in each class. You need more teachers, more classrooms, and more maintenance people to maintain more classrooms. The schools are already operating on a tiny budget with no excess for even common supplies such as paper. So now I would like you people that voted this in to show me the money
Crime doesn’t pay, or does it. Sometimes it seems like criminals have more rights than we do. All criminals say they were set up or that the man is tying to keep them down. They also get free legal representation but when I need an attorney there is no public defender available for me to use. I also don’t get three free meals a day and a place to sleep. These criminals are entitled to a free education, or they can just watch television and play games. The way I see it, for some of these people crime does pay.
The streets of Zephyrhills can be hazardous to your health. Everywhere you look there is a little blue haired person behind the wheel of an enormous luxury car. This person is likely to be so old and hunched over that they can’t see over the steering wheel. You can also expect to see them traveling in the fast lane at about 25 miles per hour, leaving the turn signal on is also a must. I believe that testing these driving time bombs each year after they reach age 70 would substantially cut the number of dangerous drivers we encounter daily.
It is amazing to me the amount of people migrating to Florida. Where are we going to house these new neighbors? Florida is already overcrowded in my opinion. Another problem is a lack of employment for them. Everyday you hear about people cannot obtain employment and with more migrants coming every day, it will only get worse. So I suggest that we go to the state line, and put up detour signs. States such as South Carolina, and North Carolina have plenty of room to grow. Actually I don’t care where they go, as long as it is not here.
How on Earth did we get through childhood without cable or Satellite Television? When I was growing up I don’t remember watching much television. The children growing up today don’t believe they can exist without 200 channels. Most of these channels contain a ridiculous amount of adult content, and many parents don’t take the time to monitor their children’s viewing habits. This excessive time in front of the television also seems to be making today’s youth overweight. The best thing that could happen today would be, to give these children a ball and glove instead of a big screen TV.
Well it is September 11th again, and the part time patriots are out in full force. You see them lining the roads and parade routes. Each one is selling some sort of patriotic clothing or memorabilia. These things range from American flags that are made in Japan, to photocopied pictures that they probably got off the Internet. Normally they don’t get into community functions, however the sensitive nature of this holiday gives them some easy sales targets. In my personal opinion these people are ruthless crooks, and if they don’t sell all their products, there is always the flea market.
How good would White Entertainment Television go over? I don’t think a television network devoted completely to entertaining white people would fly. The NAACP would go absolutely nuts over such a network. They would say it was a racist network and a slap in the face to the minority community. These are the same groups that support Black Entertainment Television, which is a station devoted to presenting all African American shows. You can’t have your cake and eat it to. So if people have a problem with shows dominated by white people than they should disagree with all Black shows.
The music world lost an entertainment legend this week. Johnny Cash passed away at age 71. Cash was thought of by most people as just a country music singer. That could not be further from the truth. He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame; Cash also has his own variety show called the Johnny Cash Show, which ran for two years. Cash continued to perform right up until the time of his death. Johnny Cash was also a great father and husband. The music world will truly miss one of its pioneers, and a great man.
Today I saw the most astonishing invention the world has ever seen. It was called the portable Shark Steam Cleaner. The inventor, and his super model assistant, assured me that their portable steam machine was much more powerful than even a professional machine. This absolutely amazing machine, will clean any surface, and do it in no time flat. This machine had so much pressure that it amazed a crew of firemen. And with its explosive power, every customer that tried it was completely satisfied. The most unbelievable thing is that if I act now, I can get it for $160.00.
Today I got the answer to my weight problem, and I owe it all to Suzanne Summers. She told me about the advantages of her new body row machine. Suzanne said I would get fitter, faster with her machine. The machine will give you a two-hour work out in ten minutes. The body row will also allow you to have fun while carving your abdominal muscles in just four weeks. Suzanne will also throw in a collection of her phenomenal exercise tapes at no charge. With the body row, and a plastic surgeon, you can look like Suzanne Summers.
More families should take advantage of the great outdoors. There are many day and weekend trips that can be taken without driving a great distance. These trips can be anything from an overnight camping trip in a county park, to a canoe ride down the river. The most important thing is that you and your family spend time together. There are no phones to occupy your time, and you will end up exchanging stories and talking the night away. There are also no restaurants or stores, which forces families to cook together. You can learn a lot over a campfire.
Wishful Thinking There are many ways to define wishful thinking. Spending your last dollar, then looking in your wallet for money, is wishful thinking. Saying something mean to your wife, then asking her if she is mad, is wishful thinking. Gambling away your last few dollars in hopes of winning big money is wishful thinking. Going on a new miracle diet that allows you to eat anything you want is an example of wishful thinking. Speeding past a State Trooper that is hiding in the bushes, then hitting the brakes when you see him, now that is definitely wishful thinking.
People have gone hog wild over motorcycles. Over the past few years the motorcycle industry has really grown. Today you do not have just rowdy, tattooed up bikers. There are motorcyclists from all walks of life. At an average bike show, you will see almost every type of rider, from schoolteachers to doctors. Most of these bikers are not afraid to sink between $20,000 and $100,000 into a custom bike. As the number of bikers continues to grow, the number of bike related businesses is growing just as fast. These days you can find a bike show almost every weekend.
Tough man competitions are very dangerous, and should be outlawed in Florida. These contests were intended to match one everyday man, against another average Joe, however they have turned into a barbaric form of entertainment for groups of drunken people to watch. Most of the time at least one fighter has some sort of organized training. When a trained fighter matches up with an untrained fighter the result can be serious injury or death. Even though this type of blood splattering match is what the rowdy audience cheers for, these injuries and deaths will ruin the lives of many people.
It is annoying to think about the rising cost of insurance. It does not matter if you are talking about auto insurance, homeowners insurance, life insurance, or medical insurance, they are all going up. The only thing that is not going up is coverage. If you have an HMO health insurance plan, you will get poor care and you will have to wait an eternity to receive this poor care. Auto insurance is also a big joke. The auto insurers raise your premiums every year whether you have an accident or not. And you must die to get life insurance.
I think that people that dump trash on the side of the road should be executed. I am tired of seeing old furniture and bags of garbage everywhere I go. It seems that people are too lazy to take their garbage to the dump, where it is disposed of for free when you present your tax receipt. I enjoy the wooded areas around town when I am driving, but a beautiful oak tree with a stack of car tires in front of it, is not very attractive. So if you are going to dump trash, you’d better watch your back.
Every time I see someone holding a cardboard “Will Work for Food” sign, I get angry. Most of the time these people are able-bodied men. These men just stand at a busy intersection and beg for money, because they are too lazy to work. Even though their sign says that they need food, they are insulted by anything other than cash. Most of them will get enough money for a quart of beer, and then take off to the nearest store. So if you will not work, and you do not want food, maybe you should consider changing your sign.
A Little Piece of Paradise I really enjoy my country home. Everyday I drive down a long dirt road to get to my grassy driveway. Once the dust settles, I see giant oak trees covering my two acres of paradise. As I step out of my truck I hear the scuffle of leaves, as the birds and squirrels run back to their homes. Next my beautiful family and a couple of excited dogs greet me. Then as I watch the sunset over the trees, I remember why there is no place on earth that I would rather call my home
Used car salesmen are such wonderful people. They are willing to go above and beyond the call of duty to get you in a car. The car they will put you in is a real cream puff, which was only driven on Sundays by a little old lady. The salesman will also give you twice what your old car is worth when it is traded in. If you do not like the price of a particular car, the salesman will talk to his so-called manager to see if he can drop the sticker price. I really love those honest salesmen.
There she was, the lights shimmering off her smooth red skin. She had long sweeping curves that widened at her rear end. Her face was a mix of chrome teeth and sharp crystal clear eyes. She wore a set of massive shining shoes. She had a very athletic look to her. I could tell she was built for speed. When she spoke in her raspy voice, I new I was in for a treat. I wrapped my hands around her and held on for dear life. Once the ride was over, I knew she was more than I could handle.
Happiness is a loving family that meets you at the door when you get home from work. Happiness is a big seven-course meal on a Sunday afternoon. Taking a day off work to go fishing is happiness. Camping out hours away from the city is happiness. Checking the mail and not finding any bills really makes me happy. When my daughter shows me that she has made the Principals Honor Roll again, I feel very happy. Falling asleep to the sound of crickets, instead of traffic, now that is happiness. Most of the time my life is full of happiness.
Sexy Beast” Today I saw one of the ugliest women on earth. She was sitting at a corner table in a run down restaurant. I think she weighed about 400 lbs. She was wearing a skintight silk dress. The dress was stained and looked horrible. The woman had a horrific odor hanging around her like a cloud. Her face was covered with long whiskers and gravy stains. When she opened her mouth you could see one black tooth. Then when this woman finally finished stuffing her fat face, she got up and wobbled out the front door, burping jingle bells.
Yesterday I sat on the bank of a beautiful lake. The giant oak trees provided plenty of shade that kept me cool. There were vibrant red roses that filled the morning air with sweet aroma. An occasional breeze put a slight ripple on the lakes’ surface. There were butterflies and blue birds gliding around aimlessly in the wind. The only sounds I heard were the beautiful voices of the birds and squirrels playing in the trees. As I stretched out on the plush green grass, I had no choice but to let the beauty of nature put me to sleep.
I believe the people of Florida should reevaluate the lottery system. The Lotto is supposed to be putting millions of dollars into education. It does not do much good to put lotto money on the top and take other state funding from the bottom. When the state money is taken away because the lotto money comes in you are at the same place you were without lotto. People were not made aware of this when the lotto was voted on. Another problem is the amount of unclaimed lotto money that is absorbed back into the lotto system instead of Education.
All diets suck! That is the reason I will most likely die a fat bastard. Any diet that will give you the slightest improvement is normally very restrictive. I cannot go all day on rabbit food alone. Another choice that I have is diet pills. The pills allow you to eat what you like, but they make you jump around like a crack addict. The only other choice I have to help me lose weight is exercise. I am just too lazy or busy to exercise regularly. So it looks like I am going to just stay fat and happy.
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