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BY J

09/01 Direct Link
If she knew how tricky her boyfriend is will she still love him as much?Pretending that I have feeling for him to make her jealous. Creating fake conversations with me and then screencap to send her.It was all fun and games but would she still love him if she found out?Because I know,I wont.Was what I did this few days right?Or have I just created more drama for myself?He said texts are dead so we can't feel emotions and thus ending up interpreting different things.So what is real in this texting world?
09/02 Direct Link
When the friendship ended,I wasn't hurt yet somehow I felt glad.Glad that the finally I won't have anyone to msg do I can finally study.Maybe it was fated to end today 15 September 2013,so I can study,so I can achieve what I'm suppose to have achieve 3 years ago.It's so werid though how was I not hurt by it?Maybe from the start my heart knew he was liar and this friendship was just build up with lies.How could a friendship filled with lies stand still again a 4 years relationship?stupid silly!!!
09/03 Direct Link
Love as a brother?Is this even love?dont love then if this is the kind of love you are talking about.You don't hurt people who love.Despite how much a family member hurt you,you will still love them.I'm not a clingy sister,nah,I'm not a clingy person in general.If you want me out of your life I will.I won't contact you.I will just leave you alone.If this is really what you want ok but why create our friendship over lies?Cos you know it will fall one day huh?really?screwyou
09/04 Direct Link
15 September 2013 Woke up to cold Sunday,but got warm up by love of my family members.I guess it's true an outsider will alway be an outsider no matter how close you are.As long as you not blood related,god sibling whatever shit isn't true cos no matter what they you are still an outsider.The gloomy weather reflects my mood exactly.I want to walk under the rain and delete every memory we had.I will be ok my brain will reset itself tomorrow morning and will I forget about you,forget a my brother.Goodbye
09/05 Direct Link
Am I really upset?Or am I just pretending to have feelings?All I feel is numb,just numb.Am I that heartless?That I have to pretend to be upset because I'm guilty that I'm not?Perhaphs this Internet friendship really meant nothing and I just pretended to care about your shitty relationship with her.Maybe I was just bored not because I really cared about you as a family member.Maybe just like you I was pretending that I care.Maybe internet friendships are just like game where two people play.Where the one who trust first loses
09/06 Direct Link
I don't know what's real anymore.I don't know what to believe.Text as dead and anyone can be behind your phone pretending to be you.Or it could just be you with the mentally problem.I don't know anything anymore.What's fake and what's right.Who's behind your phone,is she forcing you to type all this things?I don't know,I hate complicated things.You are making my life complicated.I like simple things.But you are making my simple life really complicated.Reply. Dont reply. Reply. Don't reply. Reply. Don't reply. Reply. Don't reply . Reply. Dont reply
09/07 Direct Link
I feel like the other woman when the truth is we are just friends,best friends?Siblings from another parent?I don't understand why his girlfriend hates me so much.Why do we have to hide around?I can't text him when she's around.I have to keep reminding him to delete our conversations so she doesn't go cray cray and start banging her head on the wall.I have to wait till he tells me we are safe to text then I can chat with him.Our friendship is a like an affair which makes no sense at all.
09/08 Direct Link
My entries are all so mess up.Some aren't even written on the correct day.I guess what matters is that I get to rant my feeling out all over here!I am so numb I don't even want to care anymore.I just want my lazy ass to be motivated and study do I can stop remaining in 2010 and finally move on.I'm too old to spent another year in 2010..all my friends then have move on in 2013.I need to move on and grow up like all my old friend and stop being a spoiledbrat
09/09 Direct Link
Note to self:

Be happy alone. Depending on a person for happiness leads to pain. Don't be so focused on loving someone that you forget to love yourself.

I've learned you should always love, even if they are full of hate.

Be wary of people that enjoy talking about others, they are projecting weakness and insecurities. happy people are too busy enjoying life

Do not complain. Accept or change.

I am love.

Overdosing in good vibes.Every Single Day.

No room for hateful people in my life, only those who grow with me & strengthen me

09/10 Direct Link
"You know this moment is all you ever really have, right? The past is gone & you might not get another second here. All we ever have is Now.Nothing has ever happened outside of the now & nothing ever will. All you've ever had is this moment, and this moment is all you ever will.Your past and future are made up entirely of a series of Nows. Now is all that is, all that has been and all that will ever be.Right now is all you have. Don't waste it."--☯ॐ LAUREN ॐ☯ on twitter,I love you,thankyoufor beingsuch aninspiration
09/11 Direct Link
Note to self

Get excited about things, little things, everything. Smile at things, little things, everything. See beauty in things... everything.

Stop dreading things, stop complaining, stop using the word "hate", stop perceiving things in a negative way.

Nothing really matters at the end of the day, apart from being the best you that you can be.

Peace is the inner nature of humankind; If you find it within yourself, you will find it everywhere.

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness

09/12 Direct Link
Just do whatever makes you so fucking happy.Whatever makes you smile... do that a lot.

ego says- "once everything falls into place, i'll feel peace." spirit says- "find your peace, and then everything will fall into place."

Let tiny, little things make your heart soar. Smile for absolutely no reason at all. Laugh, all the time. Hug people. Love with all you are.

"Look up. Whether it's day or night, we all see the same sky. Alone we are such a small piece of existence. But together, we are existence."

Yeahbaby!
09/13 Direct Link
H:Solitude is great most of the time, but there are times when I'd just rather not be alone. I know I'm not the only one that feels that.

L:I feel you on that one. I spend so much time alone & it barely ever bothers me, but sometimes I get really lonely, y'know?

H:Yeah, I know! I feel it completely, honestly. I was talking about it last night and it really hit me how lonely I am at times.

L: I'm the same way. I talk to myself so often, but it's the only thing that makes me feel not so lonely sometimes.

H:I talk to myself all the time, haha. Not always vocally, but there's always that inner monologue going on with me questioning me

L:I don't know... maybe our souls need other souls to really connect with to survive healthily. I've pondered this a lot.

H: I think everyone craves some kind of connection. No matter how happy you are with yourself, you can't hug yourself, you feel?

09/14 Direct Link
Guy are flickle minded even the nicest ones. Act like you trust but don't. Don't interfere in other people's love life and be careful with your advises if they ask,don't break couples up.I know you meant well but in a way you are creating more bad karma for yourself,unnecessary bad karma.What if they were meant to be yet because of your stupid advises they may break up for good..All this mama drama will not matter next year.What matters more will be your education.People will drift,friendships may die but your education certs remains
09/15 Direct Link
Notes:

I believe in keeping your circle small and full of nothing but high vibrations
There's no such thing as luck, remember, life is what you make it.

I like to go in the direction of my fears cause I know that's the only way things will change.

I love meeting new people and wondering what they're going to teach me, or what they're going to learn from me.

“People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.” — Abraham Hicks

09/16 Direct Link
"When you learn to accept yourself & appreciate the things that make you different & unique, that’s when it will get better.” - Lea Michele

I don't like arguments & confrontation, period. Mostly because I just don't have time for them. Life's too short, you know? Forgive people.I just don't really believe in arguments and holding grudges. You only end up hurting yourself by not forgiving someone.Why waste the present moment on holding a grudge? Forgive, move on, let go, breathe. It's only your ego that can't forgive, not your Self.Forgive people, please. Life is precious and so, so short and there just isn't room to hate and hold grudges.

Being around positive people is always a breath of fresh air.

I feel so light and clear-minded around people who are happy like me.
09/17 Direct Link
I have put out everything to his gf but she's too lazy to read because I'm not someone significant to her.It hurts.I shouldn't even be bother.I have so many people who love me.Why get so affected over one person?In this world there isn't someone who everyone loves/likes.I got better things to do.Text less,study more.Get smarter. get through my Exams.Start my new life next year. All this drama doesn't mater next year.Stdu study study.Remove all distractions.Concentration.Stop living in 2010.Fuxking grow up.Please,moveon from 2010
09/18 Direct Link
"Just so you know when a girl says no to sex, it means she DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE SEX. It doesn't mean keep pushing and pleading until she agrees.I just... one of my friends is letting her boyfriend pretty much force her into sex all the time & I don't get how she can think it's okay.We're all worth so fucking much. We don't need sex or relationships or friendships or expensive gifts to prove or define that. Ever.It makes me sad when girls (or guys) let their boyfriend/girlfriend take advantage of them as though it's okay because they're "together".If you don't want sex, you can absolutely say no and walk away. Regardless of whether you're in a relationship with that person or not.If you don't want sex and you say no to sex, you are not prude or frigid and anyone who says otherwise isn't worth your time.Unless you value and love yourself, no one will ever value and love you. Respect yourself, and you'll show others how to respect you too"--☯ॐ LAUREN ॐ☯
09/19 Direct Link
11:25PM:Was suppose to fall asleep before 11pm but oh well,I couldn't.Somehow I wished i started studying earlier instead of now.Barely a month left till my exams.Instead of looking back and complain I will make good used of my remaining time.15min break time instead of an hour will do.I can "eat" my meals while studying.No more kpop,other then listening to it while practicing my math.i can catch up with all my kdrama and variety shows after my exams.I will exactly 4 fuckimng months to catch up! Lauren Lauren fight!!!
09/20 Direct Link
It not about how I look anymore,I can definitely lose weight before poly starts.All it matter now is I can get through this exams and fucking move on from my old life.Anything I think John really likes Minzy.Hahaha I hope they will end up dating and get married.I had this thing for Taemin and Naeun before WGM..just by watching the drama both of then were in as siblings.It's going to be hot,Minzy and John.Oh well going to start studying at 12:30pm hopefully and make use of all my time woowoo
09/21 Direct Link
I can't study.I keep getting distracted.I know I dont have enough time already yet I'm still go on youtube and watch shows.I even caught up with the lastest ep of TMS.25 days to my science pract.29 days to my first written paper! what the fuck am I doing again?What the fuck am I doing with my life?????? 50 days of suffering only. 50 days...please study! Study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study
09/22 Direct Link
"Hello,use this number first,until * comes" um..no?What am I?The other woman?Someone to entertain you till your girlfriend comes?No man.No,you should even text me if you are going to meet your gf.Cos she's so insecure that she assumes that you are having something with every girl who text you.No way man,not going to text you and then get scolded for it byebye. Time to study, Time to study, Time to study, Time to study, Time to study, Time to study, Time to study, Time to study, Time to study,Lauren
09/23 Direct Link
23 days to my Science Pract 27 days to English P1 & 2 28 days to Math 30 days to Bio Paper 34 days to Chem Paper 47 days to end my suffering please study! stop surfing the net for things you can after your exam stop wasting time watching tv shows that you can catch up online later on things you should be doing -Wake up,have breakfast -walk dog -rest awhile -study
-study
-study
-lunch
-study
-study
-study
-study
-study
-dinner
-study
-study
-study
-sleep
09/24 Direct Link
It's so unfair how people who are already pretty get sponsor for plastic surgery while people like me have to work and save like shit to get one.Oh well thinks like that will happen to me in the future just need to pass my fucking test right now so I can fucking move on with my fucking life.Ypu want to be rich?Fucking study hard.You want your own shop fucking study.Fucking work during your holidays.Fucking earn money.Motherfucker as lucky as you are now.As you get older you don't get fucking allowance live bitch
09/25 Direct Link
Why is it my fucking fault?When she was the one who is over reacting?yeah right because she's older right and I have to fucking give her respect?Have you forgotten mum?She is just a fucking maid.Someone who steal people's recipe and lied about it not existing.Well you know what will my karma be?Being fucking sensitive and thinking too much that I create fucking too much problems.Yeah fuck it!Fuck it for being sensitive.Fuck it for thinking too much.But have you forgotten you and dad are the one who gave me the blood.The blood type that has so many trait that stop them from functioning like normal fucking humans.Why can't I just be a blood B?
09/26 Direct Link
Yeah maybe I should just be mean for once and not care for anyone .I dont even want to trust your next maid when she wants to fucking go home cos of the health issue she cause herself.Yeah keep on eating all those oily fried food.You think you can make it home to open a restaurant with my mum's recipe?Yeah go on.Keep eating.2-3 years down the road and probably wont see your fucking face ever again.I also hope your fucking son doesnt make it here.I'm enough of people from your country coming here staying.Seriously fuck you.Earn enough money can go back.
09/27 Direct Link
Be dramatic as you want.Cry ok?I can put up this play with you too.I am not that stupid innocent girl back then.Being nice to you was probably an act too.This time it's not my fault so if you are waiting for a sorry..well you got to wait for a really really long time.Not sorry.I know those little tricks you wanna play.I'm not afraid anymore.I'm not that troublemaker girl you control like a puppet making it seems like I didnt want you to work for my family but instead you were the one creating everything backstage.
09/28 Direct Link
I'm not as hardcore as I used to me.I barely even care about you now.haha maybe pretending to care allows me to live better.I dont think I would even feel hurt if you decided to pack your bags and leave right now?I will make sure my parents send you back.Well,go back and set up your restaurant with your weird combination of food.Actually I dont really hate you anymore.I just dont really care what you do with your life but because you shouted back at me and wanted to create trouble.Who do you think you are?My neighbour's wife?hahah you want to create drama like her?act it out yourself
09/29 Direct Link
I don't understand what is he doing.He is back with his ex yet he is still meeting with the girl he had a crush on.He goes out with the girl like his single.The girl knows about his cray cray ex so probably they are waiting for her to slowly let him go so them can date offically?but what if the ex gf can never let him go?He and the girl will suffer.Somehow I want to meet a guy like him too next year but don't guys like him go for pretty girls too?yeah
09/30 Direct Link
Instead of constantly asking people to love themselves.Why don't you fucking love yourself by studying?You never learn don't you?This is the third year you are making the same fucking mistake.How fucking long more do you want to continue?Havent you rest enough??I don't care what you are going to do.Ypu got to fucking pass this year and fucking move on.If this means you get 3hrs of sleep per day do it.Ypu have already spent 9 fucking months of 2013 sleeping enough.Sleeping for 3hrs per day for a month will be it