01/01 Direct Link
Happy New Year. I wonder how many people started their January first entry with that phrase. What is so necessarily happy about it? Maybe it has to do with an obscenely large amount of champagne that is consumed. In reality, it is a day like every other day, except that most people do not have to work and there are a lot of football games on television. The only thing that makes this special is that it does not occur on either a Saturday or Sunday. Since I do not work, this day is no different from any other day.
01/02 Direct Link
I do not suppose I am ignoring anything. That is just how my daily life goes. Sometimes I have a doctor's appointment, sometimes I go to the store, sometimes I go to my NAMI group and sometimes there are other things. My daily life is all that it is. If I add something I add it. If I take something away I take it away. And still, no matter what I do, it is my daily life. I should be mindful of what I do and find enlightenment in what I am doing. Anything outside of that is just outside.
01/03 Direct Link
What is daily life? It is whatever one does in a day. If you go to work, that is part of your day. If you go helicopter skiing, that is part of your day. If you stay in bed and cover up your head with a pillow, that is part of your day. No day is any better any other day. Each day is life. Maybe what he is trying to say is that there is no life outside of daily life. Enlightenment can only be found by living daily life. Hence: There is no enlightenment outside of daily life.
01/04 Direct Link
It is dark in here and I think I kind of like it. I think the best part is the backlit keyboard. I can be in the dark and still type out these words. The screen is turned down to its lowest and I believe that is what keeps the keyboard lit. It makes touch typing easier to accomplish. There is some light coming from the TV, the clock and the door. The light is on outside in the foyer. When I look out the window I see lights in yards down the street but they are not shining in.
01/05 Direct Link
She was beautiful. Even the sun knew it. It was like a spotlight on her as she wound her way up the coastal highway. That fall had been unusually warm in the city. She had been too busy to notice much about the weather but that was all going to change tonight. I sit on the deck of my beach bungalow and stare out at the ocean, a Guinness in one hand and a Havana burning itself out in the ashtray. As the sun begins to sizzle in the horizon I think of the past. Always an exercise in pain.
01/06 Direct Link
They have been gone for a long time. It has been almost two hours now. That seems a bit of an extended absence, especially when you are only going to the gallery to help put some cabinets together. If it was me, I probably would have stayed home. Maybe that is a problem right there. Maybe I should be doing more outside the house. That is why I need to talk to someone about going to school. One day a week is good and has been good for the past eight months. I need to see other people. Right away.
01/07 Direct Link
I tried to get mom up on Evernote tonight but she ran to help out at the gallery. Now I have to wait until later or some time tomorrow. She keeps her notes and must do lists in too many different places, all of them written down. If she starts using this program she will be able to keep those notes and lists on her phone and her computer and the internet all at the same time. One and she is done. No more worrying about whether or not she remembered to get her notebook before she left the house
01/08 Direct Link
My feet are killing me. They have been this way since last night. It’s a result of walking around in Costco, on that hard cement floor. At least that is what I think it is. Of course, there is nothing to be said about the new shoes or the new slippers, although I am not entirely sure what it is. It has been going on for so long that I stop complaining about and even talking about the fact that I am in pain. Nothing seems to take the pain away so why should I even complain about it.
01/09 Direct Link
One hundred words is so nice, the quality of the writing does not need to be as high. No one is ever going to read any of this. Still I give it quite a bit of attention, because I have to do it for my own good. Sometimes I come up with a good one; One that I have to share with the rest of the world. Sadly, this is not going to be one of those. It does not stand up to my high standards. So I will just spout out words and phrases until I hit the quota.
01/10 Direct Link
I did not buy the first run edition of that book because I am not a snob. I am, however, looking forward to reading the story. All the intrigue, sex and other types of depravity, make it all the more attractive for me. I am wishing that I could get a copy of the book before my trip next week. I have a lot of time to spend just waiting around. I love reading anything as long as it has a cohesive plot, believable characters and lots of crazy lust filled days and nights. Just to keep me really entertained.
01/11 Direct Link
I am a big fan of you walking into the room and taking off all your clothes. I especially enjoy it when I have friends over. They just stare in wonderment and awe at the beauty and grace that is the amazing creature called you. You are the sun and the moon and the stars and you are naked in my living room just begging me to take off mine too so we can play together. Pay no attention to the rest of the people in here. They like to watch and you are an exhibitionist of the greatest order.
01/12 Direct Link
I would wedge myself between you and whatever is trying to harm you. That much I owe for every act of courage you have shown. There are scars on your knuckles from when you beat that man back. He is the worse for ware and received more than he bargained for. Your virtue intact, you towered over him, your heel on his throat, until the authorities arrived. You were brave on that night, you are brave on this one too. Let me take the lead, let me defend you. After all you have been through, the least I can do.
01/13 Direct Link
What in the sweet name of all that you hold dear is going on here? You have two kids in the pool, the dog is in the house and the side gate is open for all the world to go traipsing in and out. I guess the gate explains why jojo is in the house. That does not explain why everything else is the way it is. Oh, here she comes, running to see her uncle. “Hi little lady, are you enjoying your day in the pool?” She just nods her head and runs back to the pool. Nice day.
01/14 Direct Link
As I knelt at your grave, saying goodbye, again, a little girl came up to me and asked who I was. I told her I was a friend of her mommy’s and that I missed very much. What I could not tell her was how I missed our long walks on the beach, warming up in the shower, sunset drinks on the pier. She was so cute in her pigtails, I looked around for her dad. I did not see him but I figured he was around. I got up and got ready to go. I told her bye.
01/15 Direct Link
when I crashed it broke parts of me that take a long time to heal, parts that are so intertwined that I will never be able to explain them all, I do not make friends easily, I am very awkward, I am not very good in small groups, my insecurities get the best of me, my memory and recall cause me problems a lot, I have problems forming and completing sentences and ideas, all of these problems get together and make me one of the most dysfunctional people on the face of this planet, no one sees it but me
01/16 Direct Link
snapshots of happiness shatter into thousands of pieces, intense memories blur into intense amnesia, suppressing everything that could possibly bring me pleasure, ending in multiple realities before they can affect sanity, applies too much stress to the psyche, without the ability to return to the instance , everything is erased and all psychoses ratchet to ten, little men climb through my window trying to find a way into my chair, I slam them back and pull my pistol, a few shots should stop them all, I am not usually one for violence but this gun is right for this very situation
01/17 Direct Link
during an unforgiving self-inventory I discover on several occasions that I do not show myself as much love as I should, as I am entitled to, do we ever show ourselves as much love as we are supposed to get, where do we learn to do this for ourselves, why should we ignore our personal wants and needs, when we figure out what we want for ourselves, we will know what we are able to give to someone else, so in everything we are left with relying on ourselves, we are the ones that we have to make happy
01/18 Direct Link
death becomes me, or maybe death is the reason I am the way I am, maybe dying promoted Bipolar Disorder, maybe something went wrong inside my brain that caused me to have these wonderful mental illness situations, maybe my inability to think straight is caused by the black passenger, is it possible that it could have caused pieces of me to just go astray, to make me different in every way, to break me down and destroy my way of life, to hold me back on the social front and make me a failure with no hope for any respite
01/19 Direct Link
pillars of the community center around pushing things in the right directions to make life run as smoothly as possible mental illness is the key to the situation that is keeping all the other members of the family close so as to make as little change in the environment as possible to help the one that needs it feel as comfortable as possible in the beginning of the end she pushed it to the eye of the storm centered around the swirling winds of change that changes everything we have grown to hold sacred heart beats out the lifeblood inside
01/20 Direct Link
what I understand is this; nothing in my mind went awry, it was my brain that stopped functioning in a normal way, but it's hard to tell when a brain is malfunctioning, so the mind gets to take the fall, it really easy to blame the thing that no one understands, the brain is a combination of electrical impulses and chemical interactions that controls everything that takes place in the body, this includes all the things that go on in the mind, which is where the problem is usually said to be, the phrase “he lost his mind” is wrong
01/21 Direct Link
fall from the sky endangered birds, endangered why? No one cares to help them I'll be there soon, crying is weak, you'll get more help if you stand and fight, rubber bullets still take you down, there's no salvation for the ones face down in the muck, stepped over and on by the ones with enough courage and strength and fear to stay upright in the face of the never ending onslaught brought to bare by an unseen enemy that continuously rains down bomb after bomb, so we hide under desks and tables hoping the air raid sirens will stop
01/22 Direct Link
There are forces gathering at the wall of skulls and bones and various other pieces of our enemies. You do not have to look straight down to see them, the enemy stretches for as far as the eye can see. They are all around us. The are outnumbered thirty to one, and that is probably generous. Our defeat and demise is close at hand. As soon as they come up wit a way to breach the wall they will be through it and we will be done. I pledge my loyalty to you for eternity. It will not be long.
01/23 Direct Link
I was driving just as fast as I could possibly go when another car pulled out in front of me and forced me into the wall. What an embarrassing thing to happen when you are at the world championship Play Station Three Grande Coupe video game racing finals. You would expect a little decorum. This is, after all, the premiere video game final of all the world. It cost five hundred dollars to enter. I guess they let anyone in as long as they have the money. Snot nose over there is the one that did me in. Little Punk.
01/24 Direct Link
I was trying to get your attention. We had just become husband and wife after all. Should it be so hard to get your attention? I guess I am old news now. You are more interested in the guitar player for the wedding band. What a loser, I am. My wife is now running her hands through his hair. It will not be very long before she gets her first fingering lesson. Maybe I can figure out a way to get this party back on a even keel. Where is that shotgun I hid for this occasion? That little slut.
01/25 Direct Link
There are bugs on my legs, on my feet, on my arms, on my head. How they got there is an easy question to answer. I just sat there and they just appeared. I did not have to do anything. I did not even have to ask for it to happen. I just had to sit there. I will bet you, if I sit here longer, I will get to see all kinds of other things too. If I ask for something, maybe I will get it. How about super models in lingerie? Or maybe lingerie with super models inside.
01/26 Direct Link
She will follow because she must, there are things that cannot be known. She blocked everything that has to be found. There are secrets inside that safe that will get flushed out and driven down into a void so deep and dark it will never be seen or heard from again. The end is coming hear for some and those that bring that punishment shall be held liable with the same sort of punishment. There are things that are known and many more things that are not. Not to be seen by certain eyes, I will blind you to death.
01/27 Direct Link
Hold me in your arms, say you will love me forever. Take me up to the bedroom and play me a game of monopoly. I love it when you take your thimble and roll it across my properties. Oh no, you have taken the chains and have landed yourself in the sweet caress of jail. I will not pass go and I will not collect two hundred dollars. I cost way more than that anyway. I hope you stay in jail for a long time. We really want the handcuffs to last as long as possible. Now roll those dice.
01/28 Direct Link
take that vow and throw it in the river, you are not alone, we are waving flashlights and you can see us coming to save you, and mark my words, you need saving right about now, you just took two to the vest and now you are laying on the ground trying to catch your breath and he is standing above you with a gun pointed at your pretty nose, so this would be a good time for us to step in a pull you out of harm's way, we can not do that right now because we just cannot
01/29 Direct Link
What is this scene going to bring me, he is after her, she is waiting for him, he saved her for the last because he views her as his stressor, now he has her and he is branding her, his partner gives him a guns and they talk about their options, he is going to go after someone before he ends her, if anything happens to her I will do everything I can to ensure he never walks right again, you tell us where she is right now or I swear I will take pieces from you until you talk
01/30 Direct Link
Alright, alright, what is with the sexy cop, bad cop routine? I do not want to die, but I do, this game is so much more complicated than you lead me to believe. What is behind your open heart? Muscles and valves and lots and lots of blood, Oh My! Oh my is right, you just stood up and made this little swishing motion with your hips and now I am imagining what you would look like in a bikini, now bra and panties, now just the panties, now nothing at all. Now I wonder what you look like invisible.
01/31 Direct Link
you cannot catch that man, if you want to stop him you have to put a bullet between his eyes, what is the last thing that goes through your mind before you die, it takes a mother and father to raise a child, I am a warrior, I raise warriors, but I cannot raise your son as if her were my own, go to your father, that was what you said, that corner is where he died, that is where I am going to kill you, I hid him form them, by killing him I kept him away from them