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01/01 Direct Link
What is the "proper" way to housebreak a puppy? I feel like if I fail this small task, I will fail the big test of parenthood. Why do I correlate the two? I'm trying to do everything right. I come home, let the little devil out, then take him inside where he takes a big liquid crap. Why do I have this guilt inside me that one day I will have spoiled rotten kids? Is there a chapter in the "book" that says, "Note, failure to succeed in puppy training will not necessarily result in the birth of diabolic rascals."?
01/02 Direct Link
A topic was brought up in class the other day about the Michigan State "arrangement." What really came to mind was the question, "What do some minorities think of themselves after receiving a 20 point advantage for their test scores?" What if they want to attend the university without any help from the school? Maybe some feel like they are cheating themselves because the school is basically saying, "You aren't as smart as the majority, here is our help." I know if I was a minority, getting the assessed "help" would degrade my own feelings of inadequacy in our society.
01/03 Direct Link
A close friend of mine who is in the Marines (reserves) recently got home from Brazil. He was there for about a year when they told him he could come home. Home for about four weeks, he just got word that he has to leave again this Monday for Camp Pennelton . At this camp, he will have a two month training session before leaving overseas where he has to stay for at least six months to up to two years. His mother was in tears. I have a twin in the Air-force and this scares me. Where will she go?
01/04 Direct Link
I know we aren't suppose to write a journal of the day but this is a lesson in Karma for myself. While going to my English class, all my papers fell out of my notebook and blew away in the cold. An older man ran up right away and helped me get them. What a nice thing to do. Today, my 3 month old puppy got out of the backyard. I was hysterical looking for him and about 4 hours later a girl I ran into told me her friend picked him up so he wouldn't get killed. Karma? Maybe.
01/05 Direct Link
So I read that the case against McDonald's got thrown out. Good thing. I really was getting nervous that our whole court system was really turning into a joke. Oh wait, it already has. I wanna pick the brain of the 300 pound teenager who blamed the french fries and chicken nuggets for making him fat. YOU MADE YOURSELF FAT, BUDDY! Does he want the whole world to think he is an idiot, or just plain dumb? But wait...he does want us to think he is an idiot! Only an idiot wouldn't know that fast foods = fat. Smart move.
01/06 Direct Link
$30,000 in damages was estimated in Oakland as a result of the rioters out of control after the Superbowl. A reported 31 cars got damaged or set on fire. Tear gas and rubber pellets were used by the Oakland officers. Total Chaos. I know that is a big city, but I just can't help thinking that if Tampa lost, it would be nothing near the damages that Oakland had. Is it because we are used to losing? Or is Oakland's ego just to big to swallow there own pride? It's an outrage; come on guys...It's only a game right?:)
01/07 Direct Link
I just got through reading the latest on the Iraqi issues. I don't quite understand the efforts in trying to push Saddam into exile. I feel like the United Nations have great power in fighting Iraq conflicts, but I can also agree with the Security Council on the fact that we have no grounded evidence of a link with al-Qaida. If we were to push the envelope more, than Hussein announced he "would break the neck of America." Now, Bush wants to let Saddam see the powerful message that he needs to disarm peacefully. I can't see this happening peacefully.
01/08 Direct Link
You in my purse are ever so annoying. Ever so rude, ever so small. Why did I buy you, rudeness? So I can keep tabs? So I can say I have you? We are very into the time of anti-patience, it's twisted. In one way, the "celly" isn't just a way to connect with people, it is a way to disconnect with people. We have so many services that many of us do not even have to leave our houses. How's that communication for you? You are ever so personal into my life but at the same time, so un-personal.
01/09 Direct Link
This train is trying to go, not stay. You are my derailment and I need to stay on track. Why must the tracks go one way, but you are on another? How do I get to train stop # never? These people are not familiar on this ride, but perhaps my friends on the next. We are both steel trains, never to break or be torn. I do not want to leave you in my puff of smoke, but it is your choice to either choke on it or come to, leaving the black mess behind. Where am I going to, Driver?
01/10 Direct Link
I don't understand why "men" my age like to have the whole neighborhood know that they fucking have a cd player in their car. It's 4:00 a.m. I awake from the giggling of college girls and take a peak out the window to witness them scattering out of a "pimp" ride. I can't even make out the color of this car because my windows are shaking so bad from the bass. They are just sooo sexy... I love the way the bass hits the walls all over the complex. I really want those boys bad. These are my sister's friends?
01/11 Direct Link
They come in to bond. It's a male thing. "Hey Guys, lets go to Hooters for lunch.." To me, it' s a paycheck. To them, it's a time to come live vicariously. I just "love" when I approach a table and they all kinda stare at me like I am supposed to entertain them. I laugh inside everyday because they make all these sort of sexual gestures that some little girl like me is not supposed to understand. They laugh, then I make it known that it isn't hard to figure out the jokes of monkeys in business suits. Stares.
01/12 Direct Link
You there..looking at me. I can see you too, but only right through. A smirk arises, an eye is ever so glazed. You think you are making me want you. You think you are so hot. I play right back, but what you don't know is that it is only a joke in my mind. You see, I see comedy. But I see that you only see unmarked territory. Just gimmi that smirk. It's killer. You there...it's really not working. But I'll let you think it is for the time being...because it's only a joke to me.
01/13 Direct Link
Here's something I hate: timed writing. How is someone supposed to put out their best in 35 minutes? I know some people that can do great things with their writing skills, but I know I need time to think of a great idea to write about. Did Shakespear's best work derive from a time when he was sat down in front of a timer and told to write? This does not measure intelligence. It may measure how good you are in grammar, but great topics are surely missed while one is worried only about how much time they have left.
01/14 Direct Link
What a cute little boy. Why would someone want to leave him here? Here is this parking lot. At this grocery store. Who will find him? This moment is critical for those big brown eyes. You are two years old!? Boy, you have seen a lot.... your world has quickly become t.v. reporters and courtrooms. Is that your mommy sitting in that chair? Who is the man with the black dressings? Shhh..keep quiet little boy, don't make much sound. Soon you will be able to hear your mommy crying in regret and sorrow. Why are they taking your mommy away?
01/15 Direct Link
"Ode to a lost friend" Oh friend of mine, lost in the pillowy clouds above. Taught me of strength, leadership and undying love. Of ways to learn, you always knew, From right and wrong, it came un-clue. You are someone that everybody saw, as goodness and beauty; universal law. I can't express the hurt we felt, Tears drop while faces melt . The beauty from within, shines bright as we sit in.. God's house with the light shining from above, We know it's you and them sharing your love. Listen closely, you will hear, Sweet Marcela singing good-bye in your ear.
01/16 Direct Link
I was at work yesterday when a softball team came in. I usually get to know my customers because I will often stand there to chat. Later, I witnessed a dollar shredded on the table. I asked who did that and a man confessed and ripped up another. Obviously, it was some joke but I really was offended. And I told him. Here I am, working for "the dollar" and he is ruining them?! Money was "no thing" to him? Well, it is to me. If your gonna throw away money, throw it my way. He did- 30 bucks later. :)
01/17 Direct Link
How can somebody preach about themselves being so open-minded while still look down on others for being different? You don't see it, don't come close to understanding it. I know you really. You don't like me for my job, my hair, my body. You despise me for my ideas because all you see is the outside; I can't possible be smart. You don't want me to be smart. Only you understand your "intelligence". I am just lying underneath somewhere. If you would open your eyes a little maybe you would see me and not what you expect me to be.
01/18 Direct Link
"I, too"

I, too can be your confidence. Can be your crying shoulder. Can be your lover.
I, too can try to understand. Can try to manipulate. Can try to converse.
I can help, heal, and woo you.
I, too...can love you.

I, too can soften you. Can caress you. Can rough you.
I, too can bring solace. Can bring pain. Can bring loyalty.
I can provoke, persuade, and leave you.
I, too...can hurt you.

I, too can be what you want me to be. Can be your everything and your nothing.
I, too can be your me.
01/19 Direct Link
"Smile"

Through the venomous piles of leaves I rake
I seem to fall upon goodness left to take
Scoop it up, absorb it well
Is it the end, that happiness dwells?

If you find it here
It will prevail
It's beautiful face
will set a-sail

A lifetime of optimism, which you will learn
That all evil will indeed takes it turn
To feed off something, like a host
And make life un-bearable, at the most

So let this be a lesson for times to come
Treat all goodness and share with some
Within yourself you will find, a lifetime of beauty and peaceful mind
01/20 Direct Link
Im sorry but this new "Joe Millionaire" show on television is hilarious but at the same time sooooo deceiving!! I guess these women deserve being televised for displaying shallowness, but that is also very mean in itself. I wonder if any lawsuits are gonna come out of this? And what about the girl who wins? What does that make her?? And what about "Joe"?! This guy probably doesn't want to tell these gals the real news because then what is he left with? Nada. So at the same time, he is the dumb one too. They all deserve each other.
01/21 Direct Link
I totally agree with the idea that having sex with someone while knowing you are HIV positive is grounds for attempted murder. That's just wrong. Have those people lost their freaking mind? How fucking selfish; it makes me sick. In a way, it's like poisoning somebody. A "lethal injection" if you may. I think this could definitely hold up in court. In fact, it will hold up in court. And I hope they lock people away for it. When a friend of mine told me about this, it had never crossed my mind before. Now I'm glad it did. Bastards.
01/22 Direct Link
What if I told you that I am nothing like you think I am? A mold, a cast. Something you fixated in your head hoping I would fit into. If your eyes were as wide as your head then maybe we wouldn't have a problem. Big eyes are great. A big head, not so great. I will let you now know that I am not her. I won't be what you want me to be. I am myself. Take or leave it. Actually, just leave, I'm through. Your not worth it to me to wait around for you to change.
01/23 Direct Link
I'm coming to the realization that only I can control my own destiny. When I was young, I thought that I had some sort of designated path in which I could not control, but just take. Now, it's great to know I can make good or bad decisions that will reflect the rest of my life. When I see celebrities on television screwing up their careers by making horrible choices, I feel like this is what they intended to do. Turn heads. Make an uproar. I don't think I would abuse my power if I was famous. Or would I?
01/24 Direct Link
"Vulnerability"

You are so young, such a doll
Look at me with those big brown eyes
There is nothing you can disguise in there

Because innocence defines you
Such a loyal creature to me everyday
A confidence only you and I can see...

Everyday it grows a little more...
The trust is now a pair

How can somebody hurt you baby?
I am the world to you and you to me
An ocean of love and vulnerability

I would never hurt you baby
If only they were more like you and more like me
A sky of love and vulnerability~
01/25 Direct Link
"Cupid's Broken Arrow"

Ewww...Next month is that holiday. You know the one where all your friends who are in "love" call each other to discuss the gifts they got from their beaus. Maybe I'm just jealous...Some tell me to get a date for that day. The thing with me is that I don't plan my dates like some of my friends do. I don't hope for that Tiffany bracelet or necklace. If I am with somebody, I want that affection that has no cost- just one great memory. And to me, that somebody isn't really easy to find.
01/26 Direct Link
"Ugliness"

You lie deep in the depths of our soil
Slithering snake-like and come out of your coil
plotting to come out and grab a weak soul
Up the bushes, and around that pole

Your red eyes gleam and smell the pray
of a poor man, a sad one if you may
Today you feed on his only strength
A once healthy body, long in length

He stops walking on that lonely street
He can smell his liquor, can't see his own feet
A mist overcomes him, he knows he's now lost
This death devours him, such a pricey cost
01/27 Direct Link
A friend of mine and I were stopped at an intersection. A homeless man walked up, yelling how he is a vet. He was three sheets to the wind. I opened my window, and started yelling how he can change his life and stop using Sep.11 as a way to make people feel sorry for him. I asked if he was embarrassed. He said sometimes. I told him to call a homeless shelter. He looked puzzled. I wasn't afraid. I'm not sure if my point got across but I did give him money. My friend called me a sucker.
01/28 Direct Link
"You There"

You there sitting so devilish
Think you are perfect in this world
Everybody likes you, that's what you think
But inside I know it's really a joke

You tell me how I should change
Be more like you
It's just so funny how you don't see yourself
As the one who you condemn

I am getting sick of all the demands
You are the root of all my problems
I am fine in this world without you
If only we didn't share this blood

If I knew you
Not like this
I wouldn't like you
One single bit
01/29 Direct Link
It really makes me angry when I meet a guy and we go out and he has to bring up the fact that he is looking for that "perfect" girl. Why the hell would somebody say that? It's really sad. Of course I am going to think they are measuring me up mentally in their heads and listing all my flaws. It's just a product of all this junk we send out socially about how we are supposed to look. Well, I look like this. I cherish imperfections. You should too. Maybe you would see more beauty in the world.
01/30 Direct Link
"Art Imitates Life"

I would have to say that art imitates life. Everything that an artist comes across, everything he or she experiences, locks into their right brain. In their right brain is where the art comes out and reveals it's head. The artist takes everything in, and tries to display it in a way that is unique within their own style. This is why artists are unique. Even if art is derived from one's dream, that is still their unconscious to the world and it's entirety. We as human beings, display our emotions through art as we would verbally.
01/31 Direct Link
"Saddam in Exile"

Now that I am a little more aware what exile is, I think it might be a good idea for Saddam to be sent. This way we can keep track on where he is, and get better control on the al-Qaida network. He is voicing that they have no mass destruction weapons there, but you never know if terrorist ties have pushed the envelope in him expressing that. If he is sent to exile, then he or his own family wouldn't get hurt and we could find all information needed to plan or not plan an attack.