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06/01 Direct Link
Today I was once again reminded that I am not the perfect daughter. Ok, so I'm failing a class but that doesn't mean that I am not intellegent in other fields you know? Sometimes I feel pressure to be a good role model for my brother. Compared to my brother I'm the dumb one that brings home C's on a report card while he is bringing home straight A's. He doesn't even try to get good grades it just happens naturally. Then again I do not try to A's either so I can't really say I put in the effort.
06/02 Direct Link
I'm stuck. How is it I have such strong feelings for you but you like her? How do I have such strong feelings for you but we barely talk? Is it normal? WHen we do talk it's for hours and we have the best time. WHen we don't although I feel lonely I can get over it. What does it mean? WHy is it when we talk I'm always smiling? Like I really don't understand my feelings towards you? ANd I really want to know your feelings towards me?It drives me crazy thinking about it? I am really confused.
06/03 Direct Link
I love waking up feeling rested and at peace. Too bad I woke up not rested and not at peace. This morning was an ok morning I woke up later thatn I ussually do which isn't good becasue I am one of those people who has a time for everything and I not being on scedule. As I rushed into the shower I realized I didn't do any homework last night becasue of my softball game. WHile the warm water ran down my body I snapped out of my daydream and hopped back onto planet earth. I hate bad mornings.
06/04 Direct Link
Wow, today I experienced something I haven;t experienced in a long time. I was cared for by another person who hasn't cared for me in a while. The small conversations and corny jokes between us made me smile with you and it felt heart warming. IT has been a really long time since we smiled like that together just you and I. I love our random converstaions and stupid answers. YOu make me feel normzal and that I don't have to fit in I can be me. You being there makes me happy to say that I Love You.
06/05 Direct Link
I woke up this morning feeling better than usual not only because I had the dream ever but because today was my best friends birthday . I had everything planned out for weeks. It was perfect. Everything had to go the way I planned which it did and she loved it. I hope? Today was an accomplishment. I set my mind to something and I actually did it. That never happens.... Now celebrating her birthday makes me super super excited for mine which is like three months away but to me its closer than six months. Today was better than yesterday.
06/06 Direct Link
Do you know what it feels like to not want to enter your own house? Scared to live where you are suppose to feel safe! As a teenage daughter I will make mistake. I will make wrong decisions. I will give my parents attitude. Under my breath I will say "I hate them" but I never mean it.I guess being a parent is super hard but they shouyldn't make their kids not want to be at home. I feel like I don't belong here or I want to live somewhere else. I should feel welcomed/belonged not hated/unwanted
06/07 Direct Link
Why is there that one person in your life that if you don't talk to them for a long time you feel empty. Not talking to this person for a long period of time makes me wonder if he has some magical spell on me. Like why do I feel I always need to talk to him? I know he has a life and other people to talk to. When he asks me "Cmon lets talk or whatcha doin I wanna video chat" my heart melts and feels cmpleted. THat feeling is probably the best feeling anyone can ever feel.
06/08 Direct Link
I hate waking up stressed. I am a perosn who needs to wake up calm and relaxed. Finlas are this week and I am literally scared out of my mind. My grades aren't terrible but they are not the best grades you can ever see. Passing all of my finals would be blessing. My parents don't believe in failing. I Have put myself under lockdown. I promised myself I was not going to hang out at all until all the finals are over. It's kind of a hard task but I believe I can do it. I shall be successful!
06/09 Direct Link
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" What does it mean?!?! I think it means if life gives you oppurtunities you should use them. WHere are my oppurtunites? I never see them. Life could be cruel at times. I was in school and they were talking to us about colleges and the speaker brought up the quote about lemons and as I looked around the room people were nodding their heads and applauding like the quote really changed their minds about something or they could easily relate to what he was saying. Unlike me who is trying to find myself.
06/10 Direct Link
Being in high school makes me know exactly how people feel when they talk about change and how people mature ove time. In middle school I always tried fitting in with the other catholic school girls. I was so limited to different personalities. I always tried to be just like the "Cool Girls" Now in a public high school I could care less what the "cool girls" think because guess what I know that they are exactly like me. I've learned to be my own person. "Be a follower not a leader" my mother always told me. I did it!
06/11 Direct Link
Sometimes I ownder what my life would have been like if grew up in the City. My cousin use to alwyas tell me how she wished she could live like I did. I never truly understood why she always said that evertime she came over. As I grew up I realized why she always wanted to live in a house. It was the complete opposite for me. Now that I am much old I would love to live in an apartment building in New York City. I can imagine myself. But realizing that my life could have been completely different.
06/12 Direct Link
It is finally feeling like summer. After all the snow days we had this winter and spring it feels refreshing to sit in the sun with an ice glass of water. The sun, the beach, the pool. friends. bbq's, fmaily, sleepovers, and campfires are the best during this time. SUmmer makes me complete. THe warmth and birds chirping early in the morning is just amazing. Not realizing what time it really is because the sun stays out extra long. Sleeping in and going to bed late because there is no school the next day. Summer is the best season yet!
06/13 Direct Link
I have been hooked on this show on Netflix called Orange is the New Balck. It about women in prison and the circumstances they go through. Ever since I watched the first episode I culdnt take my eyes off my Ipad screen. Have you ever watched a show like that? THat all you want to do is continue watching it becasue you don't care about anything else except what is going to happen next... That's exactly how I feel. I absolutely love that my friends also watch becasue when we get together we can not shut up about what happened.
06/14 Direct Link
I went to a Sweet 16 last night! It was amazing! I have never een to one before. THe birthday girl looked so beeaaautiiful. SHe looked like a sparkly princess. The party was amazing. Ilove dancing, like absolutely love ittt! I danced all night. Even though my feet were hurting I never changed my shoes (they were too cute)Anywayss at the party they did this ceremonial part where the birthday girl would give out 16 candles to 16 different people. It was amazing and just beautiful. It was an amazing night and I hoped she had an amazing night!!!
06/15 Direct Link
Good Mornign! Happy Father's Day to all the men out there who have made a difference in a childs life! It's such a beautiful day out today! Perfect way to celebrate. It kinda sucksa though that I woke up to a grumpy father who yelled at me for absolutely nothing. I wished him Happy Father's Day like any daughter would but what I got in response was how I was a horrible daughter and an ebarrassment to him. Well thanks dad way to make me feel right! Anywayss I hope all you fatherrs out there have an Amazing perfect day!
06/16 Direct Link
Well hello there! Today was a great day! Getting out of school at 10am was amazing. I walked home and ate a bacon, egg, and cheese with a kiwi strawberry snapple watching my new summer show Gossip Girl. As school is coming to end I feel relieved that I made it through Freshman year. ALthough I can't lie there were moments where I wondered if it was ever going to end but here I am 3 days away from being a sophmore and I'm ready. Life is exciting and mysterious I never believed that I was going to make it!
06/17 Direct Link
A really quick poem I wrote.... I like you. THe way you make me smile, The way you laugh. I like the way you make me feel. Around you I'm warm and fuzzy. Except there was something fishy.. Why did you always want her around? Why couldn't it be just us? I told you how I felt. I guess I was just a game. It's sad to realize you picked her. I was confused. I was sad. The thing is.... That was in the past. And I'm living in the present. All thats left to say is.. I likED you
06/18 Direct Link
To be honest... I can't even try to explaing how I fell because all the feelings are too much for me to handle myself! I love the warm and fuzzy feeling I get. That feeling in my heart where it feels like it's exploding into a million little pieces. There is this instinct I get that I feel I can only talk to you when I'm sad, happy, confused, or brekaing down into tears. I love how I can jst fall asleep over the phone and we can laugh about it in the morning! Your voice calms me. Okay? Okay.
06/19 Direct Link
I love waking up in the morning knowing it was gonna be a great day!I woke up for my last day as a Freshman and I had my outfit picked out. It was an orange tanktop with a floral navy blue skirt and black flats. I walked into school with a smile from ear to ear. WHen I thought my day couldn't get any better it did!! I was finally accepted to an advanced placement class I was praying I would get into and the Lord has heard my prayers! MY last day couldn't have been any better. Thanks!!!!!!!!!
06/20 Direct Link
I really don't understand my parents. At all. If I'm not studying they yell at me and tell me " Your grades depend on how much time and effort you put in." When I tell them I'm studying they make a joke out of it and make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. Everthing with them is good grades. " All I want are good grades ok. Or you won't be getting into a good college." Yes mom yes dad but if everytime I tell you I'm studying or doing extra school problems just say keep up the good work. Ok?
06/21 Direct Link
I was blessed with having parents that care about me and want the best for me at all times, but honestly I need a break from their never ending security. "Call me when you get to school." "Call me when you leave school." "Call me when you get home." "Call me when you reach the movies." Like yes mom I understand it's a dangerous world out there but honestly I don't think I have enough minutes to call you about everything or everywhere I'm going. Endless love is something every child needs, but space is something we all need to.
06/22 Direct Link
Summer! 1 word, 6 letters, and 2 syllables that always put a smile on any teenager/kids face. Except me.. Sasdly this summer I've decided to take summer enrichment classes for math. Ugh!! It's honestly worse than school itself. This class is 5 hours long of just math! It's hell. THe teacher is okay, I mean she is pretty strict but the class moves so fast that I'm not even worried about how strict she is at this point. THe only thought that is getting me through this class is the fact that I will graduate high school taking calculus.
06/23 Direct Link
They keep saying I'm going through the teenage years and I'm acting "childish" or "why are you becoming so distant I would really love it if you stopped acting like a teenager." I think to myself "what else am I suppose to act like"? Aren't I a teenager? Or am I suppose to act like an adult when I'm treated like a child. When I was younger there was always two tables. Adults and children. I was always told to sit at the chldrens table. Being anticipated to act like an adult and still sit at the childrens table. ugh.
06/24 Direct Link
I hate waking in the morning sometimes. Like today. I wish I could've sleeped in until 1:00. Nope I had to be up and out by 7:20 in the morning to go to school. You must be thinking "School"? Well yes, I am going to school in the summer. No, not because I failed a class but becasue I decided to advance in a math class over the summer. It is a real struggle in the morning knowing that it is summer vacation and I still have to go to a hot sweaty school when I be sleeping...
06/25 Direct Link
Have you ever sat down and just thought about death? No, I'm not crazy or depressed but it hit me. What happens after you die? Everyone believes in something different whether there is an after life or not. I'm just curious and confused about what;s going to happen to me? Is my spirit still going to be around to see how the world turns out to be? Do I just stay underground? Death is actually a very scary thought... Realizing that everyone dies eventually is even scarier. YOu never really know when your last moment will be so YOLO....
06/26 Direct Link
Why is it when I have nothing to write about I turn to writing about I think about you and become all warm and fuzzy? I wish I could tell you how I feel when we talk on the phone at night or when we watch movies on Netflix together. I love that you're weird. YOu are not like other guys that play sports and sag their pants to the point that they can't walk properly. You watch cartoons and play video games and shoes and fancy clothes isn't your style, you couldn't careless. I like you because you're you.
06/27 Direct Link
Yes I am a teenager. So? Why do my parents make such a big fuss about it? One mistake I make they always have to comment by saying "ugh you are such a teenager." Like uhmm what else am I supose to be? A child? An adult? If they want me to an act like an adult I need to be treated like one first. I try hard to be perfect but lets face nobody's perfect no matter how hard you try. What is the definition of perfect? I don't know. Whatever it is I'll have to try for them.
06/28 Direct Link
Math honestly gives me a headache. Why is it no matter how hard I study my brain blanks out on a test? THis advancement class is harder than I thought it was going to be. It is actually kind of stressful. Learning a whole years worth of math in 5 weeks is overwellming. I'm tryign extremely hard to pass with a B. Passing with a C is okay but if I try hard enough I think I can pass with a B. It just involves dedication. If I look at the bright side I only have 3 weeks left. YAY!!
06/29 Direct Link
Why does my best friend always make me feel like I am less than her? Aren't best friends suppose to be an encouragement. Sometimes I feel like she just says thngs to make me feel bad about myself.  Like uhhmm?? I honestly try not to let it get to me but with her constant lying to make herself better than me os hard to overcome. I understand you might want to be better than others but, why can't you do it by being yourself? No, not her she lies about it and I can totally tell when she lies..
06/30 Direct Link
Sometimes I wonder what he thinks about when it comes to me.. DO annoy him? I don't think so because he wouldn't continue to answer my calls if I did. Right? I wonder if he thinks I'm crazy or not normal. Or does he like crazy? I always act like myself around him because I rather know he liked me for me instead of me pretending to be someone I'm not. Hey I actually think that I'm a pretty cool person to hang around. I just wish I knew what he was thinking. Ugh why is this so complicated..? UGHH