BY cgBalu

03/01 Direct Link

It is good that I know what bullshit is! I think and do lots and lots of bullshit and feel remorse. 
It is good that I know remorse is bullshit.
It is very good to realize that, thinking and doing bullshit is quite natural and accept them as they are.
It is a futile attempt to suppress them and making resolutions that I will not do or think this.
"Shit happens and it should happen"
It will get purged automatically - no need to make attempt any nonsense to quieten the lousy thoughts.
Need not say 'finger on the lips'
03/02 Direct Link

Time is moving fast. It is already 2 March. I have 60 days only to attain my superannuation. 
I am filling up my pension papers. The joint photos of my wife and me, the Aadhar card and pan card are ready. I have to take some witness signatures and the attachment documents are to be made ready by taking a copy of them. I intend to submit the forms on Monday.
The yoga camp this morning was good. We did some Suraya namaskars. The yoga master and his wife are nice people from Jabalpur. We had nice breakfast.
03/03 Direct Link
The thing that bothers me is the status of my 80 years old mother. Okay. The Arthritis is there and the fingers are bent and swollen. She has difficulty in walking. Her knee aches. She cannot move out of the house. She cannot comb her hair. Her sugar level is not a problem at all. The diet we give her is suitable for her diabetes. She gets some medicines. She is happy watching TV in spite of her total non hearing. The present is the itch on the back. She cannot scratch herself. She feels very uncomfortable. Help her - how?
03/04 Direct Link
It is 1 pm as I see the clock now. The wall clock and the computer clock. How fast I can complete 100 words for the day? The mind is not heavy with lots of things to be done. There is in fact a sigh of relief for having done something. The happy done things are: 1) We had been to the nearby park for a walk this morning and tried the simple exercising equipments which will be good for the limbs and hip. 2) The pension papers are filled and handed over to the Admn. Finished this: 13:05
03/05 Direct Link

The time now -  is a time, when I want to write something. When I want to write something, open a writing box first thing.

There were thoughts know….all those things which are in the mind right from getting up. Hating someone, helplessness, not getting organized, something not available, something which is not happening as per my wish...which, which one to write?

Some Things are happening: The breakfast was good, wife’s nag is in control and I duck some harsh things….taking half day leave….which one to write?

Hurray! Something written and let me feel fine.

03/06 Direct Link

Mother is still sleeping when we left home early today.

Jani decided to go to hospital today for some tests. She doesn't want to take ECG test.

Okay, whatever tests she wants to take let her take.

Mother is managing with only sugar control tablets which jani brings from the hospital. Mother is absolutely not troubling us. She is healthy and manages with no pain killers.

What she is irritated is the itching and the joint pains. Heavy pains.

It is not a curse or sin. It will be. As one ages one has to bear. We all have to.

03/07 Direct Link

Last night I did not sleep properly. When I begin to write this, I am wondering what to write!

Thankfully let me write a few words about that girl.

That girl who is in our block is studying physiotherapy course. We had called her to see our mother.

She came. She checked up the condition of my mother’s hand. She told her to lift her hand, catch some books and lift her hand later. We should prompt mother to do the exercise. Our role also is essential.

I got a satisfaction. We have done some little thing to mother.

03/08 Direct Link

Mind is all nonsense. The nonsense flows fluently making no meaning to life.

A guy didn't invite me to a function with a personal touch. He had invited others with a personal touch. I loathed envied unnecessarily. Yesterday I asked him whether I am not in his friends lists? He said sorry. Ho!

Today, my friends have gone to another function of another colleague. I could have gone and enjoyed the fun of going. But I didn't  go. The place is far. I had to travel. Does this mean I am not friendly with people?

It is all nonsense.

03/09 Direct Link
Mother's itching is not getting cured?
What can be done? If we have to take her to a doctor, taking her out is a big problem.
I feel very bad seeing her walking and scratching herself.
What can I do?
There is a skin specialist.
Perhaps we can consult her over phone.
Or I can visit her clinic.
Tomorrow is Sunday.
Next week I shall try.
Mean time I shall pray. Sometimes ailments get cured naturally.
When actions are not feasible practically - don't think nonsense -
affirmation helps:  "Many ailments have got cured. This will also get cured" 
03/10 Direct Link

I relaxed very well on Sunday. The main amusement is watching The Big Bang Theory. I have come to the third season of the serial. It is interesting to watch the human inner side portrayed with all theoretical physics, by Sheldon Cooper.

It is also lovely to relate to jolly girl Penny who is although, not smart enough like Sheldon in science or articulations, but maintains a balanced attitude towards life with her simple means.

Made a collection of 'soft kitty warm kitty...' ‘you tube’ clips. We have Mary singing for Sheldon, Penny singing for Sheldon and Sheldon for Penny.

03/11 Direct Link

Monday Thoughts

The news that one of colleague’s wife expired, made me sad this Monday. He was working here earlier and transferred to Madurai. May God give him courage to face this loss.

One of my assistant is not well and he had to take leave. How do I manage his work?

Another man is also on leave.

Okay, things will take care of themselves as they usually do.

So, Monday has begun and three weeks of March to go. Time is flying and my superannuation is fast approaching.

Come this 28, will be completing 37 years of Railway Service.

03/12 Direct Link
Title and Subject Whatever a write up is, a title in the beginning would be fine. If the title is available before the starting of writing, the mind will think something connected with the topic. The present write up is without 'title' and now I have given a title: "Title and Subject" Three things were worrying the weak mind this morning. 1) How to help my son to get a suitable girl for him 2) How to help mother to lessen her itching problem? 3) How to manage work at the office when one of my assistant is not coming?
03/13 Direct Link

For tomorrow

This write up I composed yesterday

I may forget the subject tomorrow,  which my mind is thinking right now.

The three worries I mentioned in last entry when the mind was weak are becoming easy when the mind becomes strong.

1) Helping my son is in my mind, so automatically something will turn up and I can definitely help him.

2)The skin doctor was consulted (help: wife) and I should apply some cream on mother's back.

3)My assistant is Santosh. He came to work today in spite of his poor health and the work went on smoothly.

03/14 Direct Link

Strong and weak

When I write this am I strong or weak?

Weak peeks and wants to come down.

Mind seeks strength and wants to climb up.

That is a strong point - right? ‘There...there.’

When some function is there with more number of people assembled, I feel I have nothing to contribute. I simply stare blank.  People go on flattering each other. I listen to that. I can't say anything. I feel weak.

I am made for few people. I am made to spend time with my work and my pass times.

Don't be meek. Feel strong....feel strong.

03/15 Direct Link
At one stage I was thinking that binge watching of ‘the big bang theory’ is very boring. May be I watched too many episodes on a particular tired day. I am at Season 4 from the years 2010-11. I am anxious as to how I will complete all the episodes. Let me leave the ‘stage’ or the ‘anxiety’ aside and jot down some words about the two episodes I watched last evening and this morning. In a day-dream sequence Raj dances with Howard Wolowitz girlfriend - Bollywood style. Sheldon is obsessed with finding the card magic trick done by Howard Wolowitz
03/16 Direct Link
9:23 pm. I am using laptop placed on a desk,to compose this. The social tasking site for writing 100 words is also open in another window. I am listening to Vividhbharathi on Radio. The program is: “Hit super hit”. Five Hindi songs will be broadcast based on a theme. Today it is all old songs written by Prem Dhawan. The next program would be “ek phankar” This program will give me some details about an artiste mingled with some music. After “ek phakar” the next two programs would be “Chaya Geet” and “Apke farmaish” at 10:30 pm
03/17 Direct Link

Like last entry, I made time to write this at a time, when I am listening vividh bharati. The program is Hit super hit. An artist is compering the show. As I proceed, I shall record who is the artist speaking.

This one I am writing - planned?

I don't think so.

The thought of filling up the day with writing is there on the mind. The lethargic mood of Sunday makes me to evade this chore.

I won over and completed this.

The artist who was speaking in the Sunday Special program was Kamini Devi.

(Sent from my Windows Phone)

03/18 Direct Link

The last entry was made using Windows e mail facility. The 100 words are ready to be posted at the site. The hundred words ended with: (Sent from my Windows Phone)

Fine, Two posts are to be carried to the site.

These 100 words are being composed using google docs  in my office computer.  At the office the works are under control and there are no immediate chores.

Things done so far at work: 1) Discussion with officer regarding setting right Jio and Airtel bills. 2) Social conversation with a friend, who performed marriage to his daughter recently.

03/19 Direct Link

Lovely, two posts are posted in the site. The site was not available for two days. I was missing the site and was worried a bit.
The things that were occupying my mind this day was taking leave for five days.
The problem is I have to go to the big boss to get permission to avail leave.
This cranky boss gets crankier when restricted holiday, holiday and casual leaves are combined with the weekend. He gets annoyed when the holidays become 5 days together.
Great job. Boss grants leave.
Looking forward for the five day vacation starting from tomorrow.
03/20 Direct Link

Enjoying the first day of my five days vacation. The first 'hurray' is the 100 words site is on.
I have a guilt: I am using the site without tipping in the tip jar. When I go for the tip, it should be paid in USD using pay pal. I have apprehensions. I have to use credit card to do that. I am scared that the transaction may lead to some troubles.
Okay....let me use the site free (with that feeling of guilt)
We have 'Avial' for food today. We have planned to go to a movie.
03/21 Direct Link

That is great. The second day of my 5 day vacation.
I made it to come here at 7:14 pm, leaving the "The Big Bang Theory" at season 6 Episode 23. "The Love Spell Potential"
Looking forward with what turning this episode ends.
Son has come to visit us. He came in the morning and left to Sirsi to spend time with his friend.
It is colour day.
He may come a while from now.
And then…..
It is  lovely holidays I am enjoying.
It is a prototype of the retirement which will come soon. 42 days! 
03/22 Direct Link

12:10 pm.
I made straight to the box at 100 to finish off today's 100 words.
It is the third day of my five day vacation called as 'Holi Holidays'. Having good time watching the Big Bang Theory. I am in the 4th episode of 7th Season of the sitcom.
The Bernadate character - she is small, bespectacled.
She has got screechy voice. She yells often. In the recent episode I watched she asks Howard her husband - 'what bothers him....her voice or she bosses around'.
This is hard for a man to answer. 
Relatable and funny.
03/23 Direct Link

Lovely to be in the writing box around the same time I was yesterday celebrating the IV day of my Holi Holidays.
Son and me had been to RNS service center at Unkal to set right the car radio.
The trip was interesting.
Going out somewhere after breakfast for a purpose is good. The breakfast was 'pad' made out of the dosa batter. It was nice.
Then, sister visited last evening and she was happy that her son has bought a car. 
And yesterday we had been to Dennison hotel for dinner. A good hole in the purse. 
03/24 Direct Link

On this v day of my Holi holidays I am here for writing at 7:55 pm.
We dropped son at the airport. We had time to visit a Hanuman temple in that area. It was cool and mitigated a bit the feel that son's holiday has ended too. Soon another holiday will come.
The weather is hot here. 
Wife is gifted with that asthma problem. Hope she goes to a doctor for setting her right.
Then, it is 38 days left for my Railway Service.
After these days pass, I will not have the routine of an office.
03/25 Direct Link

It is nice to write things splitting into parts.

It was five days ‘Holi Holidays’ part during the past five days and from today ‘5 working days remaining’ part in the Month of March  2019.

How many more weeks for me to kicked out from this Railway Service?

Five full weeks and 2 days in the last week. 7*5=35 + 2 = 37 days.

Nice to do math in simple things like counting days.

It is also nice to do math for the expenditure I do or my son does.

It is also nice to write something counting words.

03/26 Direct Link

I am writing the part of the life under the head “5 working days remaining during the last week of March 19”.  

Today it turns out to be 4 working days remaining.

It is the experience during the past very many years that Mondays will be very dull, Tuesdays will be fresh, Wednesday and Thursday will feel as though work is the only thing that we are happy about in life.

Fridays will be a day to say to myself: “Let’s do this thing….next week”

It is all experiences to laugh about in the days to come… .

03/27 Direct Link

Continuing writing  the part of life, where I have come to the retirement stage.

Today is the third piece on the part: “Only 5 working days remaining in the month of March 2019”

It sucks to be at a longer time on the computer with internet  without doing something productive.

What exactly ‘sucks’ mean?

very bad, disagreeable, or disgusting.: "I love your country, but the weather sucks".

synonyms: be very bad, be awful, be terrible, be dreadful, be horrible, be very unpleasant, be abhorrent, be despicable, be contemptible, be vile, be foul, be pants, load of pants, stink 

03/28 Direct Link

Very fast the days go. I am now writing the fourth day of the chapter: “Five working days remaining in the month of March 19”

The work is not moving very fast at the office. They are not allowing us to pass bills because there is a budget crunch. My assistants are not happy about that, neither I am.

Wife is not well. A backache, wheezing and fever. She is postponing a visit to the doctor. It is okay, but she blames me that I am confusing her as to which doctor she should go.

Hope she visits doctor today. 

03/29 Direct Link
The fifth day of the chapter “Five last working days of March 19” It is boring. Downloaded the browser Mozilla Firefox again in the Asus computer which is given to me in the office. Translated one English tweet to Tamil. I did not pass the departmental exam despite my efforts. Several things don’t happen in spite of efforts and the love we put in. This morning at home I tried to prepare coffee and uppit just to ease my wife’s chores. She is not well. I don’t know, she is not happy with my efforts. Efforts and love also fail.
03/30 Direct Link
This is the new chapter in life. A short one. I call it "The last weekend of March 2019"
I have prepared something good - called citation - about myself to be given to administration for the award they have decided to recommend me. We call it DRM award.
This is to be given to Biradar on Monday with two photographs. 
Something to look forward to.
We were called to attend office, so that we can pass some bills pertaining to this financial year.
But No. No budget available. So no more bill passing from the section for this year! 
03/31 Direct Link
It is Sunday evening. I am trying to put my thoughts at this moment in the chapter called "The last Weekend of March 19"
No one has completed the March 2019 batch.
I will be the first one to complete.
That is a thing to be proud of - right?
Okay, let me be proud of that.
Sunday was nice. The food and the nap. It rained a bit.
Just went out for a very short stroll to buy some groceries in the nearby shop.
One day I should pay this shop through my pay tm.
Ready for the new month.