November 2020 - cgBalu

11/01

Completely forgot to come to the chore of joining the November batch of 100 words. When I realised that late in the evening (night), I was too lethargic to write. Better late than never, I begin this pass time on 2 morning. I stay glued to TV in the evenings to watch IPL matches and the ‘Big Boss’ on Vijay tv. November 1. CSK beats KXIP. KKR beats RR. Velu is eliminated from the Big Boss house. 1 November Sunday, there were two matches. Plenty of time in front of TV. When was the last batch, I wrote 100 words?

11/02

It is 7 pm. Last time I was at the social tasking site was during the month of June 2020. I was writing about the characters in Kalki’s historical novel Ponniyin Selvan. I wanted to write and say something about the characters in Tamil also. But that task is shelved. Watching TV and writing is not giving me pleasure. So, settled for TV watching. When the pressure of finishing this piece today itself is mounting, I concentrate, I try to concentrate.. The TV programs that come as hazards are: The Big Boss. IPL cricket. Ok. Enjoy. TV. IPL. Big boss.

11/03

It is 11:30 am. No TV to distract me right now . Writing or anything should happen as soon as the first Intent strikes the mind. "Let me do it later. I will finish this chore and then later I will write " These sort of things suck. Planning for a certain thing is okay. Not too much plan. Sit and write. There will a plan be developed. A spark may strike. A 'sit and simpy stare' thing may happen. There will be a struggle for coherence.Writing words with counting of words on one hand and seeking expression on the other.

11/04

Let me give a F###. Let me give a F about this writing. Life is a problem, that is how we should see things. ‘The subtle art of not giving a F’k’book says about that only. How fine it is to have problems. F**K! And, how fantastic it is to approach the problem and search for the solutions. Fuk! Problem and worries are two different things. No use of worrying that the problem exists for me. The other person is without problems. Don’t give a F, that I slept off while listening to some part of the book. Repeat.

11/05

It was around 7:30 am, that I got up today. So many thoughts came and went - to be written in today’s attempt. Even, last evening also I was thinking that I should write about the irritability of not finding the words in my book as per the audio file I have in my Krishna folder. Later, after thinking of abandoning this job of listening and reading the Pasurams...and getting some help from wife I could link the words and the voice. What other points came to my mind? One is that, we are trying eating from other houses.

11/06

So, yesterday I said that we eat the food prepared in others houses. What is that? Now, people have started “My kitchen” from the residential community platforms like ‘NoBrokerHood’ and “My gate” apps. There, the Kerala family prepares chappathis and Kadala. They even make pzhampuri and bajjis. Veg and non-veg Briyanis are also the Kerala family’s preparation. That Tamil home makes idly, Pongal, Wada and oothappas. So, give it a try. We tasted pazhampuri, bajji chapattis and kadala from the Kerala home. We ordered Pongal and the Wada from the Tamil family. That is the eating from other houses. Yes.

11/07

It is past 13:00 hrs. Let me do the writing now. No further postponement. No further waiting for a mood. ‘Writing mood’ - if I go on waiting....will never come. Begin the writing, words will get filled in. Today, the breakfast is from the Tamil family. Idly was the tiffin. Each pack consisted of four white soft idlis. Quite good size. Tomato kuzhambu and green chutney. That was breakfast. We have to try “Uthappa” with the home kitchen people. A writing finished is equivalent to making ourselves clearer to our loved ones. Thoughts are there and it needs expression.

11/08

Thoughts are there. I want to put them into words. Let me see what thoughts will take the form of words and sentences and culminate into a meaningful short paragraph? Okay, let me try to bring into words about our drive to Hosur yesterday and today. People have started moving with their faces covered with masks. The toll plaza is crowded with vehicles. The hotels and superbazaars are open with lots of people with kids going in and out. Wife wanted to change a chain and buy a new chain. What a crowd in the jewelry Shop! So two trips.

11/09

7 and 8 entries read. What my intent is that this paragraph which I am writing should be a development of the thoughts which I had earlier. When writing the previous paragraphs I might have thought of telling more about a point. I may also want to tell further developments of the previous point. After writing 54 words I am staring and wondering how to continue further. Okay, at the jewellery shop, there was a good shopping experience. I had to go with wife’s thoughts and I had the responsibility of deciding according to her whims and fancy. Hard job.

11/10

I have to do this writing for today. It is nearing 6 pm. Yes, began writing this writing and I am on the twenty third word. It is grown now to thirty words. Fine. Very fine. I have finished reading the entry for yesterday. The platinum neck chain was worn on son’s neck. With this chain adorning his neck, let him get some good turning point in life. That shopping and going out moments are gone out the mind now. Now the moment is: My sister is out from the ICU and is shifted to general ward. Wish: Visit her.

11/11

I am outside now. I am sitting in the bench called landside view. I have come out comfortably, taking bath and washing Amma's clothes. Wife is in all high pitches with Amma. My Amma is deaf. What is the use of violence attitude with her? My wife will not understand and I cannot make her understand. This fact I should understand. Add to this, a shouting had begun with my son and his Amma - my wife. Bullshit. My fellow- a lazy beggur, wakes up late everyday. I should understand that, this habit of my son will not change soon.

11/12

There were several thoughts. Some feeling I wanted to give expression in words. The feelings played a great role and I let the feelings pass by without attempting for a writing. The thoughts were about my sister. She is dependent on oxygen now. Her son and husband are worried much. What as a brother I should do now? It is corona time and there is a reservation in mind for visiting hospitals. She is of course in the General ward. She is dependent on others and oxygen for her bodily functions. Help her Lord. Help her son and husband. Visiting.

11/13

Get it Sis. Get well Sis. It is easy for me to say this. Only simple positivity I can do. We visited at the hospital yesterday. She can’t breathe without that oxygen mask. No activity without that mask. I feel sad, for her husband and son. She has come out of several hardships. Hope she comes out of this terrible hardship now. Though I fill up my mind with positive thoughts I feel what more help I can give to them. I feel I am unable to help them to the fullest extent. Very very testing time. God help her.

11/14

She left us. My sister left the world. She faced her quota of hardships in life in her own style in her 56 years of life span. God gifted her with severe asthma from the childhood. My mother struggled to her best to keep her out of the wheezing. Deriphilin. Inhalers. Nebulisation and what not? She struggled with that and has come out of hospitalisation several times. We hoped that she will come out this time too. This time it was COVID that spoiled her lungs. Her son and husband took care of her well. The hospital did its best.

11/15

My sister is ashes now. The ashes also gone - immersed into Cauvery river at Srirangapattana. She is now in our thoughts. Very talkative sister. She was good at talking with others. All our relatives had kind words about her. Our mother...why should she have this grief too in her life? I remained at home. My son and wife were of support to my sister’s son and husband. My nephew will be missing his mother terribly. Alone at home I had mixed thoughts about my sister. My mother is lamenting. Mother’s intuition was that sister will live for 63 years.

11/16

Monday. Three days since Raji has become thoughts. Her husband and son have gone to Vellore. Vellore is the place, where my nephew's wife and -- in-laws stay now. My nephew has got wife and infant daughter to be together with now. Time will heal them from the grief. My brother-in-law ...he has to take care of himself. Such is life. We were three for our mother. She has only two now. Everyone who enters this world has to face this in life. Sometimes I think we are alone. Don’t we take care of ourselves alone? Of course family gives support.

11/17

My sister’s son had bought a bunch of Tamil and Kannada magazines to his mother for reading at the hospital. She couldn’t read. (She had tried some cross word puzzle? ) With the oxygen mask and fright how could she read? She hated the ICU. She was gasping for breath. My wife has brought the magazines and I am browsing and reading them. Some part of reading I share as my WhatsApp status posts. Okay, No more gasping for breath for my sister. No more misunderstandings with her son and husband. No more slogging at work. Her body is free. Shanthi.

11/18

It is good. Some family customs are made to give support. My other sister and her husband visited us today to see my mother. The survivors should show some sort of talking and visiting to prove that death is not doom. As long as we live let’s show concern to the kith and kin. Each one is alone- a separate creature. As we grow we get our own family which becomes priority number one. Giving the necessary love and physical assistance to priority number one let’s give the concern and love to the family that was. Thanks sister for visiting.

11/19

Yesterday the 100 words mission was up to date. The chore of writing 100 words has fallen into arrears. I have to update three days. One is Thursday done today. (Writing today on Saturday) Good that, thoughts are being converted into words a bit fast. A Kannada family visited us today. This is in connection with matrimonial alliance for our son. The family is a grandmother, father mother and girl. They traveled all the way from Malleswaram. The family is good. The girl is good. The meeting was good and I sincerely hope some turning point comes to my son.

11/20

Good that I am doing the Friday thing on Saturday. The work of writing this is flowing well on Saturday morning. My fellow has among all his other problems like paunch etc has got this sneezing problem. May be some allergy. Hope he takes care of it. Attempted a little bit reading Divya prabhandham. Should continue without pauses. Pausing is required for any flow, but the pause should not lead to stop. The trial and attempts should be perennial. At work I used to keep certain jobs at the cold storage. When the boss intervenes the flow begins. Begin. Continue.

11/21

It is 11:10pm when I begin to write this paragraph for 100 words.com. I want to finish the task today itself. I have made up mind to finish the task today itself. No procrastination.

There was this Big-boss season four from 9:30 pm to 11 pm. Kamalhasan appears during the weekend. I din’t want the keen watching interrupted by writing. Then before that, there was this Surya film ‘Soorai Potruvom” and ISL football and Ramanuja to be watched. A grand chunk of TV watching.

Earlier to that, listening of a little Deviya Prabhandam.

Complete now: 11:21 pm.

11/22

This is back dated. I couldn’t do the task on Sunday itself. I prepared the mind to write after 11 pm as I did on Saturday.

No, I just couldn’t do that.

The lethargic state continued after watching the Kamalahasan show of Big Boss on Vijay TV and writing state did not happen.

We had that young fellow visiting us between 7:30 pm and 9:30 pm.

We could serve that young man who occupied a flat recently in our society some Briyani and pasta.

The Briyani was prepared by son in the afternoon.

Wilson Garden visit was good.

11/23

Today is 10th day. Raji is not amidst us. A tenth day ritual is being done at Vellore. Raji’s Husband and son are doing that. (Raji’s face comes to my mind as I see her in her hospital bed) I could have have been present at the ritual function... My wife and me could have attended the ritual function... My mother lamented that she be taken to Vellore. What for? Vellore is 5 hours drive from here... It will not be comfortable for us. The strain will be on purse too. We cannot go. We will pray for the departed

11/24

Small berries. We call it 'manathakali' in our tongue. What is it called in English. The leaves of this plant is edible. The job of taking the good leaves from the bunch and cutting them to small pieces is over. We will make a dish it without tamarind today and another dish with tamarind tomorrow. Neighbour gave the leaf bunch to us. (9 am) I searched ‘manathakali’ and found out the English name for that. il. Botanical name is Solanum nigrum. Other English common names are European black nightshade, Hound’s berry, Petty morel, Wonder berry, Small-fruited black nightshade. Hounds berries!

11/25

Why should I write this? Why if I don't write in time I feel guilty? To satisfy whom I should write this?

If I don't write, what will happen? I can update tomorrow.

I will carry a burden of not doing something which I have set my mind to. If I cannot write tomorrow, I can carry the task to day after tomorrow.

The site gives time till 17th of December.

Only thing the burden will accumulate everyday. I will be hating myself for not able to complete a good task.

If I cannot do a simple task, why existing?

11/26

What is this ‘Land fall’? I don’t perceive well, the technical terms with this cyclone. What is this Very severe cyclone and severe cyclone? The news reports of the ‘Nigar’ cyclone use these terms. The weather is very gloomy and a moderate steady rain is around here. The news report in my cell phone gives me the videos of rain prevailing near Cuddalore. and Chennai. Government has taken precautionary measures to face Nivar. Landfall Event of a storm moving over land after being over water. How long will be this storm in the land? It is raining and chill weather.

11/27

My routines are finished today? I think so. There is a satisfaction in my mind. Actually, where is mind? People usually pin point the mind to heart or on their forehead. Why not in the stomach or thigh or on the wrist or on the feet? Yes why not? Question apart, This routine of writing for the day is done. Listening and reading of Divya Prabhandam is over. Whatsapp status posting is finished. A thread posting at twitter is finished. A satisfying nap was relished. The renaming of 'Thirukolur penpillai' audio s in the order 5, 15, 25, 35, 45....

11/28

I have mentioned in these writings sometimes ago that my son has got a paunch. Fellow tried diet and exercises and the bloody thing is not reduced. He is frustrated and let’s his anger on us. What we can do? He went for a ‘reset’ gym yesterday. He has done some heavy exercise and his legs are paining heavily. He goes far away for that gym. He doesn’t want to listen to our words of ‘get up early, be active, doing things physically will help you’ Me at 62 and that fellow at 30 will behave like that. Very natural.

11/29

Updating this on 30th November. I let the thoughts of Sunday, the penultimate day of November to remain as thoughts. Some thoughts I hesitate to put forth. May be it is fear or the feel that these are all bad thoughts. It is a feel that these thoughts may become real. Ha ha ha what a lousy mind! Mind threatening mind. One part of the mind threatening the other. Nothing good or bad will happen as the mind thinks. I know this very well, still the threatening mind has a big win. How successful I am to write this..ha!

11/30

I have time now to for trying a paragraph for this day. Wife has gone out after trying to blame me for not going out. Heck with going out. Only yesterday we had a long drive for a fruitful purpose. Let’s relish that moment. Why invite silly ‘how to’ and ‘things that will take care of themselves’ issues now only and worry and making unnecessary arguments now? Why invite past that has no meaning now? Discussing about giving gift is not a big thing. First lovely gesture, then utter pleasantries with simple smile. Giving a gift should be spontaneous thing.