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BY pearl

12/01 Direct Link
I did not finish November's writing
by just three entries
In September I missed by one
You visited and solitude departed.
Whenever someone is nearby
I tune myself
to their presence
as a lyre to the zephr-
I quiver to the unseen gesture,
I strain to catch the falling of your breath-
I pay attention to my dreaming
wake with ideas and visions
and future possibilities, talk
and talk
entertain, clean, cook, wash, eat, shop
and put out the rubbish
but I do not recall
my promise
to myself
to write
or if i do
a guilty thought
knocks
then runs away
like a school child
annoying
an old woman
who will answer
the faded door
to find
an empty street
12/02 Direct Link

Everything is half undone
boxes
fall on boxes
and boxes
tumble over boxes-
You must have
collected all these for a reason!
No doubt
but was I rational?
There are a thousand portals
to a thousand worlds
and I have travelled
each road of Soul.
I feel the presence of each figure
I know them intimately.
Each beckons with
a new adventure
I could write a story
about each one
and maybe many stories
perhaps I will.
Meantime,
you believe
I should have curtains
discretely
closing
all these portals-
We buy some rods
you screw the hooks
into the shelves
I place cream curtains
over everything,
but the moment you are gone
I take them down-
They speak again.
12/03 Direct Link
I have no tea
just some dust
in the blue and cream caddy
that sits on the kitchen bench
close to the stainless steel jug
that boils the water
so much faster
than
I can prepare
myself
to sit
and savour
the tea
once it is made.
We finished
the fine Darjeeling-
I am tired of the sweet
taste of Rooibos
I know fresh dandelion
is good for me
but I just want tea
In the early morning, I just want tea!
English Breakfast
that IS the tradition-
I have been
to the supermarket
a dozen times;
why did I forget
I needed tea?
Isn't it a strange belief?
I cannot manage life
without the labour
of women in hot fields
in a high place
far away?
12/04 Direct Link
I feel rushed
incomplete:
I would like to stay
longer, may I stay longer
would that be OK
you ask me.
I say yes, of course
I'd love to have you-
You are not well
not sleeping
calling all your powers in
to meet me
in this chaotic place
that you do not like
in this city you find
desolate and harsh
with architecture
that I have become accustomed to
harsh brick
often without the grace of trees
you find it an affront
in its insistent ugliness.
Nor do you like the parks
they are not your trees-
The sea though
lulls you almost to sleep
for half an hour
as we rest in the white dunes
after too early a start.




12/05 Direct Link
Minimum standards!
The coffee must be made
in a stainless steel coffee maker
on the stove top
and you scour the shops
to find a little jug
for me
to heat the milk
exactly so
that it bubbles up
at the moment
the coffee
begins to hiss
as the first drops hit
the hotplate.
The coffee should be freshly ground
but I no longer have a grinder
though we have found
a good supplier
a good blend
locally.
You however
hang out for coffee
in a particular cafe
that has Bonsoy
as you don't like milk-
We sit outside-
It is becoming a ritual
When you go home
you ask me
did I visit?
But it is not
the same place without you.

12/06 Direct Link

I am inspired
the gods visit
and I tremble:

Below the print
that I have always liked-
a raft design
in an ocean crossing,
angular and challenging
indigo and pale gold
that I bought once at a graduation show
by an artist who has since become well known,
you place an image of Chiron
your teacher and guide.

You identify with this wild and wise
outcast in his cave, teacher of all the warriors
and healers, the wounded healer.
Next you call Prometheus, the hero
who stole fire
for humanity
and who was punished
by almighty Zeus-

These two swapped fates
Prometheus lived and Chiron,
an immortal,
was permitted,
finally to die.
12/07 Direct Link
you have the marks
of a healer

you have seen
the acid rain
that leaves scars
that do not heal

I have had training
and have borne
witness to
thousands of hours
of transformation

I am changed with each encounter

you see me
because you know-

I am here for the heavy lifting you said

there is deep sadness-

you have suffered rage
and smashing,
grinding pain-
you have endured
many wars
with the stoicism
of your ancestors
and a flashing humour

you are a man on a mission
passionate, intense, still, clever, tender
and capable
of deep surrender

music opens you
you dance ecstatically
and joy streams through

you have been
apprenticed to Chiron
a long while

he is calling you
into the world

and I with you
12/08 Direct Link
You change your flights
and I get a call
its the hospital-
I have a minor operation
I tell you the date, imagining its next week
That's Thursday-
I will change it I say.
No, it is meant to be
I will go with you.

This means you will need
drive my car!
You like this pleasant part of the city -
We park and walk to the hospital
You wait with me
even giving your name
so that they can call you

You are waiting for me.
You had a dreadful meal, a big mistake.
I am bandaged, scarred.
I tell you what happened which is
so curiously intimate and ordinary.



12/09 Direct Link
After the male initiation
you draw the card
showing the figure
of Persephone,
dressed in white as she
descends again
into the underworld
and into her husband's arms.

We agree: Hades attracted her
in his hotted up chariot!
No rape!
She was a willing passenger
shrieking,
not with fear but with exhilaration
kept sheltered far too long
she was ready for her marriage
whatever her mother
might have preferred to think.
Ceres is delighted when she visits
and sighs when she returns-

But it is her marriage there that fructifies
the spring-

Now she
shows the way for us
to meet.
It is the marriage there that fructifies
our lives-

Persephone is calling you.
12/10 Direct Link
I forgot,
your first card re this enterprise
was the tender page of pentacles
a boy of 12 dressed in green,
carrying and armful of golden coins
with pentacles stamped upon them

It suggests
fresh beginnings
sensing the possibilities
the beginning of something new
It needs care this new love,
this work that may become a livelihood.
He carries new skills and wealth
if we ground this well.

My card was the marriage of Eros and Psyche,
finally upon Olympus
establishing that love with and between us must be the sure foundation.                                    

12/11 Direct Link
When you had your hand
on Prometheus
at the bottom of the deck
another card fell out,
the four of pentacles.
Here a craftsman
his arms already laden,
looks jealously at
his young nephew
whose talent, already, far outstrips his own.

You placed this in Hera's Garden
reminding us that
a child is already born between us,
though we did not speak of this.

He will far outstrip our current understanding.
This divine child needs nurture and teaching
from our past experience, but, as with every child
he belongs to the future and his
gifts will be seen in time.

We must simply love, and wait on love.
12/12 Direct Link
You drew Chiron, and
I drew the royal King of Wands-
He who has mastery of the will
and all His Kingdom.

He is dressed in rich red with gold
and sits in a throne
adorned with golden rams
in a green and fertile field, outside Athens,
suggesting his patron deity is Athena.

His shadow is cast to his left.
In his left hand he holds a flaming brand.
The power of commitment rightly held.
I am so far from mastery of will
I am dumbfounded.

To take command.
Do you ask this of me?
Do I ask it of myself?
12/13 Direct Link
The red sailed ship flies
safely home.

Jason and the argonauts 
have made it to the edge
of the known world
and are now returning.

Jason yoked the wild bulls
and plowed the field of Ares,
sowing
the dragons teeth
so all his fears
rose up, fully armed,
and slew themselves.

Jason 
has met his wife to be
in this powerful woman
of the ancient ways.
Medea made the brew
that lulled
the serpent
so he could pass
and pluck the golden fleece
from the tree
whose branches reach to  paradise.

Consciousness and will
now work in sync
while dolphins guide our feeling still.
12/14 Direct Link
Persephone is she
who leads us in and downwards.

Invoking her is no joke!
She is she who should be feared.

She will cleanse you from the inside out,
tumbling you in her great agitator washing machine-
she doesn't even hang you out to dry!

But approach her afterward
wearing fresh linen
semi transparent, fragile but with threads  intact
and she will give her gracious protection.

She may even lead you to her Lord,
He who grants the stewardship of earthly power.

You are calling in this deep cleansing female power
while I call the  radiant masculine light filled sun.


 

12/15 Direct Link
 Awakening the male-

After the divine marriage of Soul and deep desire
Psyche and Eros as they are known

the King of Wands appeared
requesting that I carry
Kingship in the realm

(I must conquor moods and vacillating will.
No leader of a realm will tolerate temper tantrums,
or deviations from a set intent.

Fire without control burns down the house, the forest and the city
Remember those horses cleansed by flame?)

Then came the hero Jason facing everything with skill and courage
well able to accept advice from beautiful Medea.

And finally Apollo!
bright God of light and prophecy,
music, health and healing.
Twin brother to Artemis, whom I've known so long
He inspires our poetry and song.

His son Aesclepius had this divine inheritance
but learned his skills from Chiron-

We must also live with dark and light
and not forget, to take time in the sun.
12/16 Direct Link
The eight of wands, is
according to Liz Greene
who wrote the text,

about a burst of new creative energy,
plain sailing
after a period of conflict,
of being blocked!

That sounds good to me!

I know you are frustrated
I am finding writing web pages very hard
I have a lot to do and say
but no coherent sense of what comes first.

We need the site up now
we need to advertise
 
but I have no coherent sense of who I am 
now the cloaks have gone.

I know I am not in charge
SHE is
but I have to act!



















12/17 Direct Link
The four of pentacles
is a crossing card-

Don't hold too tight
to who you were
for fear of loss.
If you do you may block
your own fierce creative energy
leading to no gain, no growth,
stagnation,
and ultimately failure,
which is what we fear!

It is interesting that this card
fell out when you
laid hold of Prometheus
who could not have had
more initiative,
and who was willing
to let go in every way.

Perhaps this card is a shadow?
I wonder
are you projecting some of
this on me?

I would now like to see your website, your images and words
12/18 Direct Link
The King of Wands is
represented by Theseus!
The hero who was raised by Chiron
protected and blessed by Hekate
as he set out
to offer himself
to be a victim to the Minotaur
the monster hidden in the labyrinth
deep under the palace at Knossos
with the full intention
of killing it,
and without knowing
that he would meet Ariadne
who would give him
a bright thread
so that he could get there
and come back safely.
Yes he needed courage!
He grabbed the bull headed monster
by the horns
then threw his sword
slicing its neck
but he could just as easily been overcome.
He was a leader of courage, passion and imagination
12/19 Direct Link
Courage, passion and imagination
are what I need to call on now.

My friends see something in me that I
am not yet living..

"It is time,"
the book says
" to initiate new ideas and sell them to others,
thereby generating change in your own life
and in the immediate environment."

"It is the spirit of leadership..the belief
you have a better idea
which is worth putting out there
and working to manifest"

"Focus, confidence, striving to make the vision real.."
yes, others may see me as pushy and self obsessed
this figure is not modest! It is selfish
in its absolute intensity
The world needs my vision!


12/20 Direct Link
It is easy to see why I resist!

Hitler had a vision
so does Robert Mugabe!
I could go on,
every meglomaniac
had a vision
and the ruthlessness
to persuade others.

But so did Churchill
and Mandela,
so did my grandfather
completing every flying mission
with precision and daring,
so did my grandmother
venturing to the front
to bring back wounded men
day after day
never knowing if the line had shifted.

That was war time
the war now, at least here,
is for the vision of the human being
and a psychology
that understands
our great potential.
I am being asked
finally
to make a stand
for what I believe in
and the methods that
will help us all.
12/21 Direct Link

We were going to the festival !

The stars were out
and the trees dressed
with white starry flowers-

We had climbed the hill-
I was a girl of seven
and you
were a young man of maybe twenty,
not my relative but of my people.

Suddenly the flowers burst into flame
Before me
the tree was alight
the hillside was alight
There was fire ahead and behind
deliberately lit

We were nature people
reviled for our beliefs-
our whole community died
on that night of persecution,

while we took the steep rough route
to the right, arriving at last
in the city, dirty and deeply shaken

We travelled far,
always remembering
the starry flowers
12/22 Direct Link
I sent you the dream
about the starry flowers

you did not comment
but sent me
six links
to images of starry white flowers

and a beautiful photo of
a tree covered with white blossom
on a clear night
with Orion and Sirius
visible in the sky.

It was taken in a mountain village
in Iran in the spring time
probably
not long ago.


12/23 Direct Link
I made an image
in 2003

with just half the elegantly
shaped green bowl, the container
of my life, opening to the right
to a deep, crinkled, brown surface
that might have been of
something
deeper-
it had a dollar sign
etched into it in light

In the centre against the brown
but linking both
I placed an image of
a white
eight petalled
passion flower

Years later
I wrote a sonnet
starry flower and begging bowl
about how
to live the right way in the city

I walk amid confusion still
but look
within my bowl
and see its full

I recall Rudolf Steiner's words:
Learn to offer your thoughts to the divine
Learn to receive your will from God.

Then speak the truth
12/24 Direct Link
I am feeling my father very close
I wonder if he is coming
to say his time is nearly up?
Mum had a fall last week-
He joked that he was not at fault!
The staff all laughed, they really love them.
95 years and his humour still carries the day-
I hope I will see him well-
That he will still be present in two weeks time.
I know that he is staying really to care for Mum;
that he is tired, our bodies do wear out-
It is hard to be so far away
and yet as close as breathing.


12/25 Direct Link
It is Christmas Day
a celebration
of the divine Child

If we paint and paint out
images will arise
unknown to us before-
some we will love
some we will hate
some will fill us with despair
some bring memories of ancient pain
we may weep
some will bring hope
peace
equanimity
we may smile serenely
some will unfold stories-
none of our responses
to the pictures
have any importance at all:
our star body
is being washed
of past desires and deeds
affiliations, triumphs and failures
joys and losses
we are simply doing the washing
we may laugh

When this habit
of contemplation
and surrender
becomes a way of being
we discover deep desire

The Divine Child 
creates in all that we create.
12/26 Direct Link
Iatromantis
no, not a species of praying mantis
but praying in a sense-

i-atro-mantis:
it means
dream incubation,

or medicine man, healer
in the tradition of
Pythagoras
and Parmenides,
not only fathers of philosophy but
sons of Apollo;
they who had entered the silence
and become other
than who they were,
attuned only to the dreaming.

They came, originally from Anatolia 
Miletus, Kriti,
Velia in Italy and other colonies
where the tradition
was unbroken for thousands of years.

Priest healers of Apollo continued to heal
long into the Christian era,
attuned to the cosmic pipes, 
music of the spheres, 
kundalini hissing as she rises.
12/27 Direct Link
a hero, in the old Greek sense
meant someone who
was more than the human being
they appeared to be

one, who had not only visited other worlds,
but allowed them to be lived,
one through whom the
gods could move

hero-shrines brought blessing to the land
they were places of healing for people
and for nature

I have been to shrines in Europe and in India
where you can feel the teacher's presence
the shrine
of your teacher
radiates
peace

here everything
falls away

rise early now
between dawn and sunrise
to observe the gifts of dream
and let them live
without claiming
any of them as mine

leave me as I have always been
peace
12/28 Direct Link
An apple tree grew
outside your laundry window
when you were a boy. Very convenient!
you said at ninety, remembering
the pleasure of climbing out
on the limb of this favourite tree
crunching apples.
Back across summer skies
you believed
there would always be apples.

You came to me
as a little boy in a clean shirt and shorts
with a satchel and school book
and an apple
when I was so shocked
after a violent death.
You crossed off your path
and gave me the apple.
I heard
you shall always have apples.

Perhaps you came from this timeline
in which you
are my loved father.
There were always apples in my childhood.
Now you are ninety five
and preparing to go,
I will travel
a long way, and cut an apple
to remind you
that inside
there are always two stars
and each contains seeds-

you shall always have apples.
There will always be apples.
12/29 Direct Link
you listen
you really listen
do you know how rare that is?

you want much more
you want me to go deeper
move more fluidly
with less fear,
be more competent than I am
I am afraid to disappoint you

you say
whatever happens, I totally accept
you also say
I cannot bring you down-
into the dark places,
there is a lot of light in your spirit-

I say it is not up to you
or up to me
I listen
I really listen
do you know how rare that is?
12/30 Direct Link
love
sorrow
joy
and tenderness
come from the same deep well
I knew this as a young woman
I know it now

you ask
what of bone aching poverty
blood lust, conniving for power
rape and rage and jealousy,
corroded hope
fear, cruelty,
hate?

I say
let go-
It is all dissolved in that same deep well
adding to the waters
a slightly salty taste.

it is all dissolved-
love, sorrow, joy and tenderness
come from that same deep well.
12/31 Direct Link
It is New Years Eve
I am alone by choice.
Probably for the first time ever.

I am not as organised as I want to be
but I am content.
I am reading
and Madame Miaou,
having decided that the most
expensive brand of cat food
will be adequate thank you,
has snuggled up
next to me
on the white damask duvet cover
that I have taken for my own.

I no longer have a guest room. Imagine that!
There is room for those who love me
but the guest house is closed,
the cathedral walls have come down,
there is a tent,
under a starry sky-
well metaphorically
as I am actually quite happy here
in this unfinished house.

I hear the fireworks! Ah, here's to the New Year!