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BY pearl

04/01 Direct Link

no more thou shalts,  Sunday News,  TV,  and third hand news filtered by the moguls
I cannot think any more! 

I finally understand Savonarola
who burned the books and paintings
I understand AI Wei Wei , who
for rather different reasons
deliberately smashed 
a neolithic vase

what! destroy the 
creations, the learning,  the fellowship of history
wherein we marvel at the 
endeavours of the mind?

how much is enough? 
do I digest, feel, act on what I read? 
or are these words and images
mere icons-
 
each holding an energy and promise
a possibility of response
that I am often, too lazy to discern?


 
 


 
04/02 Direct Link
Dandelion
requires that I get up!
I put on my old soft sarong
anticipate that the cat
will want her breakfast
and open the sliding door
to the morning. Little birds twitter
the grass is cooler under my bare feet
I could mow the lawn and fix the gate.

I select young leaves for tea
then pick some  thyme
thinking of fresh tomato soup
I notice that a plant needs water
 
and think of the young woman
 who sold me this sarong and one other-
first sale of the Morning!
just after the bombing in Kuta.
Thank you, thankyou!
Please come back to Bali! 
I smell the heady,  earthy thyme
I hope she is well
this morning
04/03 Direct Link
I am noticing the shadows 
of the passionfruit vine 
across the kitchen window
as the morning light
comes in from the east
the patterns move with a slight breeze
the window is a bit smeared
even though I thought I cleaned it 

today I will write to fifty people
I do not yet know
to invite them
to journey with me
to that quiet place
where 
knowing arises

the window
may be smeary
but the vine
is still making
beautiful patterns

perhaps others
will be delighted I wrote,  
delighted to join me
in any case in another hour
the shadows will be gone

 
04/04 Direct Link


ah, these velvet worlds 
are so rich-
they whisper and shout
shape me! colour me! 
 
despite tantrums and terrors 
a magical little girl 
plays here 
knowing she is held and loved
loving every dewdrop- 
her vision transforms
everything I see! 

pulling in the opposite direction
is the need to put myself out there-
promote just one part of myself
when I would rather be known
in all my beauty 
 
 I offer
doorways

to access these same depths
where others see themselves 
in all their beauty
 
where we come to see ourselves
in the other, with
a sigh of recognition

 
 
04/05 Direct Link
Every cafe  was full of  people sleeping on mattresses.  I woke and  thought how amazing, in  such circumstances, there are also clean sheets and covers.
I had a small bag and used the bathroom, again amazing ,running water. 
 The counter for coffee and food was not yet open so I slipped outside into a still,  foggy morning. 

I walked up the street. A few others were stirring. One coffee shop was open and using cash which I seemed to have. Ah.  I walked back to you. 
You were just waking. You asked to use my laptop as it still had charge. What in the world is going on? 
04/06 Direct Link
I am wearing
 my bumble bee shoes
one is striped black and yellow gold
the other has a golden front and 
lest the clue was not obvious
a bumble bee with outspread wings

It's a sunny street day
blue skies,  still hot
with the peppery scent of zinnias

Tell me all about what you've been doing
says the woman at the next table
 
I am also wearing
a deep yellow bra and singlet top 
with a little lace
I bought it two seasons 
ago,  though not the shoes-
come to think about it
that was the summer I met you
04/07 Direct Link
she is elegant
her straight dark hair falls in a basin cut 
around her subtly made up face
you are at a function-
people interact
or mill about
anxious to be seen
or to get through it 
without having to offer too much
she moves sinuously
amongst them
wearing a sharp, trendy leather jacket
and nothing else at all
even her pubic hair is shaved 

no one seems at all surprised 
she is there with you
out there yet curiously a-sexual 
you try to connect with her
but there are always interruptions
she has moved
away again
elegant and
detached

 

 
04/08 Direct Link
the Chinese dragon dance 
is about happiness
a celebration of life
the Rainbow Serpent is
the creator of this beautiful and terrible world
the dragon in my history
guards a treasure
which has been lost
since time immemorial 
although there were always tales
and whispers within
that we were once Kings and Queens
who wore such jewels with grace
authority and kindness-
who is this dragon?
it us you and I 
as we rise,  we begin to shine
and remember we have wings
at length our radiant human form may 
step out of the paper skin
able to be here 
right now
04/09 Direct Link
I am happy.
just happy
the sharp, sturdy orange flower thrusting 
from deep creased leaves, delights me
the young woman in the shop 
is pleased to hear I am extremely well
she gives me a radiant smile 
and says I do not often hear that! 
I am enjoying myself
and the sun and gentle breeze-
you send me a link 
to a video about surrendering
to what is,  right now
I am surrendered to happiness 
It is not dependent on the flower
or the young woman 
or your link
 it is just happiness
and I am enjoying it's presence
 
 
04/10 Direct Link
I am thrilled
I just found a bag of marbles! 
I took the books out of my bedroom
except the ones I am reading
I've left photos
including those 
of myself as a small child.
There hidden behind my father's
work on genealogy 
were three dozen green marbles
a few with cats eyes and two large ones.
Yes 
my grand- daughter will be very pleased:
she chipped one of the two large ones
we already had..
I have put them in a little bag
the two large ones and twenty others
that will be quite enough
to be tripping over in the hall! 
04/11 Direct Link
La maison ne fait pas credit! 

Nothing on credit here!
You can't put your meal on the tab
You can't pay us back next week 
You can't owe your soul to the company store
We are not into borrowing from the future
No work, no money, no eat... 
Get your act together! 
Is this the message I am supposed to hear? 

I put this little brass plaque,  bought in the basement of a store in Paris
Together with the cardboard heart of glossy red. 

The house does not take credit!
Nothing you do comes from you.
DO NOT TAKE CREDIT. 
 
04/12 Direct Link
At the centre 
of my love
is a sun
with
five golden rays
and
five black ones
and in the centre of this sun
so boldly radiant
in a broken world 
is a koru
the spiral of a green fern 
unfolding

At the centre of the mystery
the golden form 
of the divine feminine
holds the broken body
of the Christ 
securely and effortlessly
on the rich golden brown fabric
of her abundant lap

The earth becomes green again
the ferns uncurl everywhere
and waterfalls of light
 illumine us
 
 
04/13 Direct Link
I can't write ahead
so you say
 but what if I
have something else to say?
 
In Australia it's your tomorrow
and it's autumn not spring
getting cooler as I rise
to write
before I start my working day.
 
No, it isn't spring! 
What I create
is more deliberate now-
I stand on cooler,  deeper ground

It's now fresh outside
there is dew under my feet!
I can no longer 
walk naked in the morning.
 
I would like to sell it all
give what I have away
but I am still waiting
for the oranges to ripen
one winter's day.
04/14 Direct Link

I slept long and rather late
with a long dream about
being given a baby
a girl. 
She is quite heavy,  I carry her all the time.
She sleeps a lot
but when she wakes she is very observant. 
She wanted to be fed French Fries!! 
Was that my trip to France? 

We take her 
from studio to studio
looking for the place to work 
looking for a home base.
We visit one young woman
on a busy triangular  intersection.
She has a basement studio
painted a soft yellow.
The baby reaches for
a rainbow hat. 
It's plainly hers. 
04/15 Direct Link
I woke in shock
and checked my window
then sealed my house in light

I felt you and a group of young male friends
walk up my drive and by my window
Let's see if she is home you said
as your silver white fingers 
slid across the sill of the closed window

I lay absolutely still
hoping you would mistake my form
for a pillow
You felt me and retreated
I was angry 
betrayed
awoke and sealed my house in light
then made some tea

This morning tears roll down my cheeks
I ask for love to be renewed
 
04/16 Direct Link
22 
the computer test says that's my true age
body 21, mind 46, attitude 23!!

It says I am loyal
I'm giving
I love conversation
don't care about other people's opinions 
and hate selfishess

my aura is purple for wisdom
my Hawaiian nick-name  is Lalami
for strength 

my vanity licence plate should read 
Back Off! 

my spice is cinnamon
free wild and bold 

and this is the best time in my life! 

At 22 I set out to see the world
at 46 I felt the call
to come to Australia-

Yes, thanks

this is the best time of my life! 

 

 
04/17 Direct Link
Sage green, warm grey, cream
which mount will best offset
the old photograph of my grandfather
standing by his aeroplane,
the one,  that sadly, he was killed in,  after
flying all through the First World War. 

It's a hundred years now since he earned 
his decorations for bravery-
flying with skill 
and the reckless courage of the very young
only to die on take off
one foggy night
flying home to see
his wife and baby daughter.

I choose archival materials
carefully,  and also a hand sanded wooden frame
I  would like this love story to echo
down the generations.
04/18 Direct Link
two pink long stemmed roses
in a great curved vase
in my bedroom

the other ten make an intense statement 
in the studio
picking up the glow of the jarrah red bookshelf
and spilling a pool of luminous beauty
in the dusky light
the snake goddess from Kriti
accepts this homage to her nature
while Poseidon aims his trident 
towards the blooms
unaware of the flame that supports their union

above there's a postcard
red brown with a golden boab
it says He will have his way-

the question is
which way is that?
and
will the peace lily flower? 

 
04/19 Direct Link
Sky Father Altjira, 
Creator god of the Western Desert
has been hanging out 
with Hecate, Queen of the Three Realms. 
She has been telling him a thing or two
about how his initiate priests
behave when they think no-one can see them.
As it happens they meet
in a celestial waiting room
that I frequent.
I overheard their conversation. 
They saw me, called me over 
and introduced themselves.
They said they had been discussing us!
What they said made me very, very angry. 
Altjira gave me a quickening quartz crystal.
He said to trust my power to love and work. 

 
04/20 Direct Link
I understand your snarly post
own your own sh##!
I have no more f##ks to give. 
I won't hold your hand
give you free therapy or
a platform to advertise 
your insecurities.
 
Funny,  I was just writing 
I will help you find
your internal healer
lover
warrior
mystic
I will not BE your healer!
 
Find your own healer or go see your G. P. 
I can help you find your inner mother, 
cheerleader 
and nurturer 
but I will not hold your hand 
or make you tea. 
 
I will listen once and hold you accountable. 
This dear heart
also applies to me.
04/21 Direct Link
I have not kept my promise
I cannot feel it in my will 
I do not want to go
not this, not yet,  not there
I do not want to experiment. 
It will cost money not to go
I will disappoint people,  you,  they,  myself
but I do not want to overide
this deep reluctance.
Why
am I in retreat? 
I could step past this surely?
I do not feel complete. 
I have hit a roadblock
I do not want to rely on you
I have to rely on myself 
but 
today
I do not feel up to the task. 

 
04/22 Direct Link
I put the red sari
that the goddess wore
up at my window.
 
I wanted to reclaim the red
as well as admire it's beauty!
What a mistake:
Kali  walked in
quietly this time
accompanied by all her sisters.
 
They stood around me
affirmed me in my love
and pointed out 
at length
the costs of this long
journey. 

I have no need of icons. 
I will hang the sari
in the breeze
and you must take it back to India. 
Give it,  with my love,  to a girl
who wants to marry
but who could never afford
such beauty. 
 
 
04/23 Direct Link
He's a wild kind of mystic
whose been caring for an 
over the edge
medicine wheel
that looks like a bunch of zodiac cards
but is really the decor of a spaceship that landed in the suburbs.

He invited a few of us in a few years ago to have a dance.
We know the place. We call it Spaceship Z. You can come too-
to chat to the gods and goddesses
who were around when you decided to come to planet earth-
Some of them are kind and some are sexy and some are wise and some are just furious with you for not living your life
as fully, passionately, wildly and truthfully as you could, as you will.

The thing is you knew them really well once and they have always been around, just waiting for that moment when
you would decide to look up from your hamburger
and notice the spaceship
or maybe just look up and see the stars, or hear a bird call, or watch a child discover..
you discovered a door and now you are here,
Welcome.

You can talk to them, or draw them, paint them, sing them or dance them here, tell dreams and stories
or open the door through active meditations that will shake out all your resistances
all the old, oh no I can't stories, and even all the sadnesses your body holds from generations of repression and depression.
Don't be afraid
that howling you hear is only the spirit of the wolf that you locked away inside. Its OK here to howl at the moon.
Welcome

And its OK to picnic here, and rest in a quiet zone, and play with your inner child, and have thoughtful conversations with your inner adult, that philosopher, accountant or midwife that you tucked away.
The gods, some call them archetypes may join in or may be at the celestial bar, waiting for you to join the party.
There's all now-time for laughter, and meeting others and also quiet reflection
We are parked here between the worlds.Welcome to Spaceship Z







04/24 Direct Link

I wake 
knowing I have left my teddy bear behind!
This little girl
does not want to 
jump whole heartedly
into the singing circle-
the key to be
that like a flower is buzzing and humming
with life
brimful of nectar
rich, heady
and sweet possibilities.
She is in a tantrum
about all those
who ripped 
nurture and love away from her
so long ago-
that soft fabric around her heart
leaving her longings exposed. 
It was good that she asked for
her teddy bear
and you played sounds
that helped her allow
love 
to move though her 
once again. 
04/25 Direct Link
Anzac day
I am writing in mid May
because I posted on facebook this day 
 a story of my grandparents and their meetings
Both sides met from different countries in war torn France circa 1917-18
My Canadian grandfather met my English grandmother
when she was a school girl in France and he was on leave.
 
My NZ grandfather was at Gallipoli and then in France
where he met my grandmother, a nurse. 

One of her tasks was to accompany the wounded and dying men from the trenches back to the field hospital where they were given what treatment was possible. 
 
Such grim work but they later had a happy marriage.
  
I have a photo of her radiant with happiness sitting on the front step with my grandfather perhaps about 1922 when my father was an infant.

Such teachers, thank you.
 

 
 
04/26 Direct Link
So black moon was rising.
Once again we meet 
and acknowledge Babylon. 

I think you are one of those three wise men
who
two thousand years later
is annoyed to find
your system
of exact correspondences
of the constellations
with the archetypes 
that live in our 
Soul
is no longer perfect
though somehow it still works! 
You speak of my 
eighth house moon
as giving me the power
to articulate,
brilliantly,
the mysteries 
of the deeper cycles
of transformation! 
I listen,  and add a comment or
two to the group and your recording. 
We meet again
with generosity and affection. 


 
04/27 Direct Link
I told you a fairy story
you listened intently
your deep brown eyes drinking
in every word, though
you really wanted to discuss
something closer to home..
 
In trying to find a context 
for my work 
for our work
and for our love..
 I am 
ignoring
something closer to home
 
 You then  said
you hit a flat spot
wanted time out
were physically low,  
emotionally flat
you withdrew 
and barely wanted
the meal
that normally 
you would enjoy. 

 I feel sad and
irrationally angry
yes, I agree, 
the last few days have been intense
and our colleague has posted 
an image of a pretty girl
with her arms around him
04/28 Direct Link
The candles burn down
and finally go out
this is what happens to my loves
but never to my loving.

The wax form
becomes rounded,  assumes
fantastical shapes
that could never he moulded
or carved,
the fire of our loving
shapes our bodies,  our choices
our lives even, but
It is not the outer form
that delights us 

or at least
not until
tomorrow. 



 
04/29 Direct Link
Sometimes
I catch sight
of a troglodyte 
or a gnome
who finds his way to my kitchen table
and sits bemused 
in soft cotton pyjamas
offended perhaps by
the unfamiliar vividness
of flooding sunshine 
of flowers and lemons
repartee
and even such familiar
things as bread and salt and eggs.. 
He sinks in between his shoulders
back 
somewhere between earth and that suspended 
place that holds the tension
between love and knowing. 
 
The meals here are really quite simple- 
should he want to come
he is as welcome
as the rest of you.

I will 
quietly
set a place for him
04/30 Direct Link


Eros is hovering 
you are here again
I am quivering just outside my body
absorbing,  listening, excited
 
 I am engaged but becoming weary

I am burdened
  burned by old stories 
hot beeswax candles
and the need to feed the cat

I feel it too you say 
but I do not have to act.


I keep loosing what I write
I am  deep inside myself
its
like a pregnancy 
I am so absorbed in what is being created
that I have no objective view

I cannot birth this by myself
I am afraid I may miscarry