REPORT A PROBLEM
She is pink and full of light /
She opens my heart /
like a lotus blooming /
in a busy street /
trust she whispers /
trust she exults- /
Love is not limited: /
trust your feelings /
trust your love /
your loving is perfect /
just as it is. /
Come now to your heart /
to this secure place /
of exquisite creation /
it is safe to surrender /
the past has melted away /
there is nothing to carry /
nothing to do /
but surrender /
the love that is all about you /
that is yours /
that you deserve /
now, in this moment of beauty /
now, where there is also decay /
love flows to you /
and through you /
exquisite, unlimited /
beloved / loving /
beloved and loving... /
Hiram was able to design/and build/what Solomon/the wisest of Kings/ could only see.And so it is/with the marrying/of vision and craft/ in every task. I envision possibilities/ endlessly/ in every moment/ every encounter/ plants and people speak to me/ stars and stones and rivers speak/ of their longings/ to become and be/and I know others like me who labour patiently/ to shape the circumstances/the holy spaces/where the future comes to be./ I am not a craftswoman./Nothing sensate comes easily./I learn slowly/ pricking my fingers on the bloodstained cloth/ until the stitching is right./ But sometimes/ my inadequate skills/ are enough to give the vision form.
all my dreams came true
the day I met you
I saw and felt
between our souls
I want to live my entire life with you
until my heart stops beating
you told me who you are
in a very straightforward way
you said, you hoped we could
be more than friends
I heard you
I felt the stirring
of an underground
stream rushing to meet
yet my heart
was already overflowing
with the love of friends-
it was not until
we could no longer speak
that the torrent of my desire
now it seems you
apart the old rock
the river of my loving
has made the fertile land
and a new tree
is already growing
I want to live
my entire life with you
until my heart stops beating
I am sorry we couldn't get it together/ right away/ I know you needed some recognition/ for your talents/ some money coming in/ but perhaps we did far more/ we laid a deep foundation/ of love, respect and knowledge/ of each others' being/ and each others' skills./ I trust you/ as guardian of the sacred flame/ I trust you as a magic man/ of courage/ one who has the tenacity/ and power/ to walk the path/ of a true warrior/ attentive, vulnerable/ perceptive, skillful, loving/ and with an immense capacity for/ creativity and play./ I know you/ and I am known by you/ what better foundation/ for the work ahead?
rest your head/ upon my heart/ hear my breathing/ hear my heart beat/ deep and slow/ let the busy day/ slide away now/let it go/ hear my heart beat/ deep and slow/ you are so very tired my sweet/ let it go/ breathe and sleep now/ rest your head/ upon my heart/ hear my breathing/ hear my heartbeat/ deep and slow/ always thinking, always working/ always acting, decisive, clear/ it's time to rest your head/ upon my heart now/ hear my breathing deep and slow/ feeling breathing/ sweetly dreaming/ relieved, releasing letting go/ She is under all our doing-/ I'm loving Her and loving you-
all the next stormy day/ I am wandering in my mind, revisiting/ each soul I love, each circumstance/ that could be difficult, dangerous, menacing.. / the wind howls and shakes the iron gates/ it sends a sun umbrella/ placed just yesterday/ to shelter tender plants/ tipping and giddily careening across the yard/ when I tell you/ you say it was only a dream/ but I feel otherwise/ fear must be sought out/ encountered, met, dissolved/ practical steps must follow../ you tell me your crane needs fixing/ luckily there was not an accident
I'm suddenly awake at one am/ I've been deep asleep/ two hours at least/ I feel the presence of an intruder/ someone in my space/ Instantly alert/ I check/ all physical possibilities/ Yes, every door and window is locked/ the kitchen window over a high fence and ajar on a chain/ for the cat/ could perhaps be wrenched open and probably shattered/ but surely I would hear that/ no, this menace/ is a visitation of fear itself/ some psychic presence that/ I must allow a pure, soft, blazing light to dissolve, or send away/ I sleep wrapped in love
you send me an essay on grace / it says it's about cultural entropy/ the disorganisation of closed systems/ their tendency to run down/ and fall into chaos and disorder over time/ the writer talks about human souls/ and that no amount of try hard, fix it up/ consumption of information/ behavioural change/ or endeavour/ will change anything/ like sandcastles/ we collapse with time/ and shifting winds/ we may dissolve/ altogether in a freak wave/ he says/ the outside power/ of God/ Divine Energy/ Grace/ is needed/ to reshape the crazy disintegrating mess/ we are surrounded with/ and live within/ the sand requires/ the creative energy/ of a sand castle maker../ he never read Mathew Fox it seems/ we are co creators/ still the question hovers/ what grace do we need now/ to reshape/ our endeavours?
try trout from the local shop
because it must be used today
I cooked it simply with some oil and lemon
reserving half for tomorrow's salad
I cubed a medium potato and boiled it
I took a serving spoon of broad beans
from the freezer, cooked them in the potato water
then added savoy cabbage after a minute or two.
I reheated the potato with the beans and cabbage
added some greek yogurt, biodynamic, the best
put it my new black earthenware bowl
and topped it with the fish..
the taste? delicious.
today you are sixty
and your first born son cradles
his sister's new born
little one, little girl
your first grandchild
and introduces her
at two months to the
all of us were swimmers
insisted upon by
our London bred mother
who never learned to swim
but sat endlessly on hard benches
so that we would learn
feel safe in the waters
seas, rivers, lakes
that surround us
now your son
offers this tender baptism
to a new generation
that's a birthday gift
today I bought a beetroot
just one, it's all I need
I quartered it to fit the pot
and boiled it with a bay leaf and a little salt
knowing that it would bleed its deep
red substance into the water
I had plans-
I cooled the beetroot and into the
water I put one third of a cup of aborio rice
which became pink and fluffy
just as I had hoped.
it was hot so I cooled this too
and served the rice mixed with parsley, oil, lemon
cheerful orange nasturtium flowers
fetta and a quarter of the beetroot
cos lettuce provided a vivid contrast
I have been gardening
where I have inherited
herbs, nasturtiums, sand and
an odd mix of palms and conifers
plus more rough couch grass
than any property has a right to-
It is my late mother's birthday.
she gardened til ninety
an entire steep bank
as well as her own abundant
garden in the retirement village!
a centaur perhaps, mountain she-goat
who had learned the value of nurture
she ignored clay and gale force winds
always delighting in new shoots
climbing geranium, dahlias, glossy natives
wherever she went tui fed on flax flowers
as roses and lilies bloomed.
Tonight I came back late from gardening
then driving a long way-sunset, then dark.
Yes, I was tired
and tempted to buy a piece of fish
from the take-away
but I remembered
I had smoked salmon in the fridge.
Woolworths provided me with asparagus
$2 a bunch, there must be a spring glut.
I bought some and cooked it.
Rye toast, my own firm ricotta, asparagus
and salmon with a little pepper.
Better than takeaway I'd say.
You said you hoped I had reserved your share!
I said I had mislaid my teleporting licence.
We will make this again!
Here it is, 100 grams of grass fed, but not certified organic veal,cut into strips for stir fry.
It is resting pink, lean and fresh on my green chopping board. It cost a mere $1.25; $3 for the meal now I have added a little oil, soy, honey, local garlic and a half cm round of pineapple, chopped and fresh from further north for a marinade, and prepared 25 gms each of carrot, fennel bulb, onion and 50 gms savoy cabbage. It will take six minutes to cook tonight.
Yes, I took photos of it against deep blue china.
this first hot day of spring
some ancient grandmother of my
ancestral line exults
in having all the linen on the line by six am and in by ten
smelling of sunshine
everything has been washed
all the linen which has packed away for a year
winter clothes to be packed away
summer things to be enjoyed
I sit now in the afternoon sun
stitching a peg bag from a linen tray cloth
given to me by my children's grandmother-
It was slightly stained at the edge
and I would never have used it again
now I am a grand mother
with a love of the handmade
I will remember her
This morning I took photos of my food, I mean good photos, carefully composed, as if I were preparing to celebrate this food and its preparation with the world. Perhaps I am. 100 grams of organic beef mince on a green chopping board looks like this; yes, it is only this quantity see the size of the teaspoon, but it looks amazing. What a privilege. An animal gave up its life to give me its body, protein I seem to need these days.Cost $2. I will cook it with fresh tomatoes, another dollar, and abundant thyme from my garden.
How did it take/ so many years to meet you? / I know the answer /almost before I ask-/ We both had other loves/ and other lives to live./ Children who needed the parents that they have/ families to love them./ I have had so many loves, my love./ So many lifetimes to gather up/ so many beloved souls to encounter once again./ They all came knocking../ do not be jealous/ each one gave me precious gifts/ that make me the woman/ who now gives all to you./ You have had just the one/ deep sustaining love./ I am glad of your faithfulness/ and glad too you have taken seven years/ to grieve and honour her/ to make yourself anew/ in seven years there is not a single cell/ the same, everything is new/ and all of this is true.
Yes, there you were looking happy silver haired now happy to meet up- your daughter, I remember her as a baby now sitting year twelve exams I wonder if you still play the flute? We achieved a lot together with your cautious, wise mind and ability to say yes and no to my ever rich imagination Suddenly, as we text, the every day is present You are driving into the city chauffeur to a year twelve dinner... You suggest we call at eight but I will be texting the new man in my life Oohh how exciting you say yes, let's wait until it's easy
am I going to loose focus/ because someone/ yet another someone/ needs me?/ twin with the frizzing energy/ of a system under stress/ and leave/ my table/ in a mess?/ how can I feel so/ deeply, apply my logic so succinctly/ find and guide and see/ for others/ and ignore my own needs -/ grounding instead/ with the taste of linseed in my porridge/ the dark velvet of coffee/ the deep splendour of ripe,full mulberries/ maybe the last/ to pick/ with my grand daughter/ before hot weather/ I ground and give away my ground/ how shall/ I work for myself?
From 24 years ago 7 Nov 1993 Trip to Brisbane Tihi Mauri Ora/ I am here/ And I say/ You bastards/ You have ripped the cloak/ From the land/ Here too-/ the paintin gs of Selwyn Muru/ and Robyn Kahukira/ are reflected/ against the mirror glass / and traffic/ of Brisbane/ A storm breaks/ Lightning flashes/ The image disappears/ Time to move inside/ Closer/ Tihi Mauri Ora/ Respect the sacredness of Life/ Here, I am here./
Today I went to St Helena/ Hellhole of the South Pacific/ $25 for a cruise and lunch/ Our worst convicts were sent here/ Black, white and brindled/ Said the guide./ Solitary was in hot earth pits/ underground/ Men cut off their fingers/ to avoid the lash/ administered by friends / They were well fed/ said the guide./ St Helena was named/ for an aboriginal man/ named Napoleon by white men/ who, tired of his audacious removal of their supplies/ dumped him on the island to die./ He carved a canoe and paddled back./ That was before the prison,/ before pigs offal was put in the sea/ to draw the sharks. Today in Brisbane/ two hundred and fifty people/ mostly black/ clashed with white police./ A young black man/ died in custody last night./ I saw the blood and anger/ on the television./ A full enquiry will be held/ said the guide.
I visited the Museum in Brisbane/ rich, interesting/ and deeply disturbing-/ adding a new layer/ to the meaning of participant observer. / I was invited to learn about/ the Jurral Aboriginals of the rainforest/ "our" nearest neighbours/ really?? / Life has changed. / They grow pineapples now/ and some/ still carve shields from the roots of the fig./ I visited the koala sanctuary/ and learned/ "We"/ have destroyed the koalas habitat./ The koala does not survive in suburbs/ it dies of chlamydia and other sexually transmitted diseases/ it dies of ulcers, diabetes, leukemia and starvation-/ diseases induced by stress./ 7nov 1993 This sounded so familiar.
I dreamed we met
in some wayside town
in the house of a friend
We sat up late talking
as we used to do
As the embers died
I thought of the spare room along the passage
you did too
Do you want..
you wouldn't like to curl up here with me?
You lent me a nightshirt
We cleaned our teeth
I said a quiet prayer
You died in my arms
Just one shuddering breath
and you were gone
passing once again
in my presence
I looked at the time
I called the hospital
and your home
The Maddona of Great Mercy
came to my place today.
I made a cup of tea.
I was just so surprised.
She held out her arms
and took the spellbound soul
from the kind black woman
who brought her.
There she was in her red dress.
It's the same deep red as roses.
It reached up from the depths
that red, gifting us with the robe
that makes her visible.
The Soul of humanity
is held now
I am held now
in Her passionate embrace.
I saw an awesome forest of 40 poles/ brought alive by the chainsaw/ and by ash/ totem ladders/ standing, yet hovering/ above the polished floor/ their empty heads/ open to the spirit voices/ of the poor, the dispossed/ the victims and survivors/ of malevolence / and casual violence/ those for whom/ paper flowers bleed- Twenty four years on/ this surreal/ so present army/ still marches with me/ I've heard their loves and longing/ their hopes, their twisted loss/ When I've felt cut and rubbed with ashes/ their solidarity has kept me marching ../this army of the living and the dead. We are so precious/ for this brief time, human, blessed/ with life:/ We love, we work, we bleed the same blood red.
Lotus Sound/ Brisbane 7nov 1993/ The Tibetan Peace Pagoda/ is closed today/ after rain/ The bell at the entrance/ does not sound/ and the doors of the churches/ have long been closed:/ Do they think that / in this city/ no one needs to pray? / The gallery is open/ there is an installation/ terracotta bells and guilded wood/ by Montein Boonana of Thailand/ (my age and not anonymous)/ The silence of the bells/ invites us/ so the writing says/ to imagine/ the omni presence of the Buddah./ Returning to my heart, investigating this/ I hear a surge of protest/ I want the golden rain of ecstacies to pelt upon us/ sparkling as it sways/ and slips between our fragile nets/ I want to hear the lullabies of love and comfort/ and the stinging symmetries of pain. / My Buddah nature will not be silenced!/ I am singing in the rain.
Missy Miaou does not like fireworks! / That much is certain. / I close the doors and the kitchen window/ stay inside it will soon be over/ To you however/ I send a photo/ of a fire-blossom shattering/ the night, it's fire petals / falling into the dark/ The events/ that have shattered your intent/ are less easily seen/ so too their coherent, invisible beauty/ These are just in the park/ I am thinking/ of ducks and turtles and snakes and song birds/ quivering/ at this extraordinary intrusion/ I send you/ the sounds of the dawn / taking you into/ the peaceful morning.
I intend to walk/ but there may be rain/ I take/ the old blue kitchen scissors/ and cut lavendar/ from the bush by the gate/ admiring /and avoiding/ the bees already at work/ I let the scent of the morning/ fill me/ I tie each bunch/ with wire threaded / with beads/red, silver, green/ each made into a flower/ once you made a hundred/ of these/ and placed them in an open bird-cage/ to signify/your blossoming/your delight/ your freedom/ I am pondering/ my freedom now
deep peace of the running wave to you/ deep peace of the flowing air to you/ deep peace of the searing flame to you/ deep peace of the resting earth/ deep peace of the Son of Peace/ running wave/ flowing air/ searing flame are my own Self/ at peace/ between Mother and Son/ a new miracle-/ the earth is no longer quiet/ She / is rising/ all the secret places / of initiation/ are cracked wide open/ the secret elixir is/ spilling into our everyday observations/ creating grace and confusion/ entering and changing/ utterly/ this noisy, absurd / loving, corrupt/ and dangerous world.
when I was seventeen/ I met a lovely Maori man/ heroin had taken him/ he lay there pale and thin-/ I said, you've got a lovely heart/ get out of bed/ deal with your head/ and give yourself a start/ that was it.I walked out of his life/ didn't ever expect to meet-/ twenty five years later/ I heard my name called in the street;/ I turned around, and met his brother/ who nearly kissed my feet/ he said, you saved my brother's life/ by what you said that day/ you saw his heart/ he made a start/ got out of bed, dealt with his head/ thank you, what more to say?/ he owes you his life, his lovely wife/ his kids and everything/ he's a doctor now, yes cardio-/ how could you guess/ from such a mess/ he's fixing hearts each day!/ he dealt with race, abuse and pain/ you saw him whole, he made a start-/ thank you/ thank you from my heart/ you saw him whole, he made a start/ he dealt with race, abuse and pain' got out of bed/ dealt with his head/ thank you, thank you/ from my heart/
he danced like a dream and he drank/ like whiskey was ginger-ale/ he drank to forget/ his loves and his loss/ and his psychic gifts/ that showed him/ so oooh much painnnn/ he came in drunk/ and I tipped/ his whiskey down the drain/ I looked in his eyes/ he said, please stop!/ I stopped../ he said, how amazing you stopped!/ I said, your soul belongs to you/ but look at me straight/ don't you think/ this stuff is better down the sink?!/ he looked in my eyes/ he saw my path/ a long long life, to and fro/ so much sorrow, so much grief/ so much love and a chance to laugh/ you'll be well known by the time you go!/ take my cross to remember me/ say a prayer for my sanity..../ he's an old man now/ and I often think/ of him....and hope he used his gifts/ and fo....und his peace/ I have the cross/ and I'll never forget/ tipping fine Scotch whiskey/ down the sink!
The Tip Jar