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There are two more this week, two less from the mass. How can it keep going like this from week to week and all the while big things are happening and we cannot see them? If something effects the lives of so many wouldn’t you give the people all the information you could to help them through the problems. I guess if you cared you could. I guess if you don’t you leave the sheep in the dark and they can either follow closely as not to get lost or they can go on their own, making their own path.
I sat and watched a Blue Jay today by the pool. He had lucked out and found a full, unbroken Wheat Thin by that pool. He had several on lookers as he maneuvered all around to get a grip on this prize find of his. Two sparrows and a black bird watched intently and the black bird did not sit quietly by as the little sparrows did. He made a huge fuss and I wondered what that idiot bird expected. Did he, in his wildest imagination think the high spirited Blue Jay would just walk away or share his feast?
My bologna has a first name is O S C A R. My bologna has a second name, it’s M A Y E R. Oh I love to eat it every day and if you ask me why I’ll say, Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B O L O G N A. I love that little jingle so much I wrote it down so when I get old I can have the words to sing because I might forget and I don’t want to. I think I may already be there because I felt the need for this.
Orange is a pretty good color I think. It looks good on a pumpkin and beautiful in the sky on those special evenings when the sun sets just right. There is some orange candy that is not bad, especially around Halloween. Orange flowers, orange paint, orange oranges and finally my orange hair. Now that is not pretty in any light or from any angle or at any time of day, or any time of year. I like orange in its proper place, proper season and proper lighting. I think I have finally learned my lesson. Orange is not for me.
I used the word liquidation today when talking about the company I work for. It is scary to think my life may have that big of a change coming it’s way. But I think it is coming. I hope later in one way and in another it is like suffering a slow death from a fatal cancer. I am unsure what to do and unsure of the honesty under which I work. I know companies cannot tell you all that is happening but not knowing is worse. As I write this I have been given the answer to this mess.
My son has lost his daughter after three years of her being everything to him. I have never had to suffer this kind of loss and I see him wondering around being depressed, asking himself which direction he should go. All this freedom and suddenly you have to reevaluate your life. You have a huge open space and it is natural to wonder what you really want to do now that you actually have the time to do it. Oh my, NO!!!!!!! I have let you wonder where I did not intend to take you. His child only moved away.
It was a simple meal and yet there was a most unexpected dessert awaiting my friend and I. We ate, we talked, we laughed and good heartedly compared the food to our favorite haunt. The waitress was coming and going and seemed polite. The other customers were chatting away and we craned our necks to check on the car in this somewhat questionable neighborhood. When it came time to pay we had a moment to speak with the waitress. In less than thirty seconds she had told us she did not care to live. I felt like such an ass.
He called in a one of his frantic modes, nearly beside himself for contact. There was no answer and with each message you could hear the level of anxiety rise, the voice loose a little hope. It was crucial that he get a piece of information to fill in the blank on the job application. He felt it all hinged on him filling in the blank. He could not have been more wrong. He has always been like this and I think reaching maturity has not lessened it as I hoped. The final answer was so easy. He said, “Oh.”
The small voice said, “ I miss you Mema.” How special it feels to have the love of a child. It is something I have, for many years, found to be the most fulfilling thing in this world. Don’t get me wrong there are many, many wonderful things and other beauties that words cannot express, but to me nothing can compare to the texture of their skin, the sweetness of their breath, and the pure honey that runs from their lips when they say, “I love you.” God in his infinite wisdom could not have created anything sweeter to love.
Well I've done it again. Sometimes I am surprised it is in me still. It's more of a push now but it can be done. Twenty showed and stayed late. That must be a good sign. The ages ranged from 1 to 55. A nice mix don't you think? It was more work and more fun than the usual crowd but I like the usual crowd better because they can take care of themselves and the annual bunch need more and are less comfortable to get what they need. In the end all is well and I am a good tired.
I got two e-mails this morning with those little tests in them and you have to write down the answers and then associate a result with the answers you gave. Both asked for you to make a wish. I was so surprised at my wish. It's not something I think about or spend time mulling over. Yet there it was hiding from me. It could not have been truer to my heart yet I haven't really given it much thought. Dang, every once in awhile we are privileged to see our own soul. That my dear friend is very cool.
I have skipped church about five Sundays. My church is great for the kids but I am not being fulfilled. Is God not as good as ever? Am I lazy and selfish to keep my morning for me? I used to say I didn't go to church because God is everywhere, God is in me and church is a social gathering. I don't believe that anymore. But I am not going just the same. I want to study, not listen. I want to do, not talk. I need fulfillment in a higher spiritual way. Now I have to find it.
Taking risks is not something I am good at. It is ingrained in me to err on the conservative side. Once in awhile I surprise everyone and myself the most. I feel a big one coming on. Who knows what and where and how but it will happen. It builds in me over time and increases in strength as I await the explosion. It is usually radically out of character for me but since I have been around awhile it's not so shocking anymore. So could you say at this point that it has grown into part of my character?
I thought I was one of the most trusted employees here. I thought it shows what I have done with my time and actions, yet she calls to see what I’m doing. I can’t help but be a little hurt and offended. I always do my job and more. I’m willing to do anything I am asked if it will be helpful. Business is very slow. One employee, who I am equal in salary to, reads a novel and does not hide it. There is not work right now. So why would you check to see if I am working?
I brushed her hair and it flowed through the brush like red silk. The light reflected off the strands like gold. I cannot remember ever having hair like that. Some of us are blessed with that extra glow surrounding our faces. Framed within that halo was the small round face with those rosebud lips that make you want to kiss them over and over. I could not keep my hands off her and yet at first she wanted nothing to do with me. As the evening passed by she became more comfortable and relaxed to my touch. I love babies.
Mystery is a magnificent thing in itself, but when it affects your immediate future, livelihood and family, it is not so special anymore. Each of us needs to know how we will maintain our normal life styles. We all have different habits, styles, interests and etc, but bottom line, it must be based in some sort of stability. Even a bum on the street has their favorite corner, mini-mart, liquor store, underpass or park pals. That is the nature of this human animal. Some like to think they are rebels and some are but too much mystery is not cool.
I have a funny little story to share with you. There is one guy I work with that goes to the bank for us each day, same time and he is young and skittish. Because he is both predictable and skittish he is easy. When he reaches our front door he cannot see in because of the tinted glass. So I hide behind the blinds as he enters and his mind is a thousand miles away, I run toward him with one hand hitting every vertical in my path. He nearly faints. It was really funny just that one time.
How high can you stick your nose up in the air before it freezes? I know someone we can ask, but of course if you ask someone like that they’re nose hits the freeze zone immediately. So we have to speculate instead. I think, now you may not agree, it freezes almost immediately unless they are very young and inexperienced at throwing it up in the air like that. The person I know can do it so quickly you almost have to admire the swiftness with which she makes that move. I could never do it and have no experience.
How many weeds have you pulled in your lifetime? If the answer is none then you have my sympathy. Pulling weeds is so very therapeutic. Maybe you don’t think you need it and you may be right but most people need that or something that comes very close. It seems to be a normal requirement to have an outlet and if time, money, circumstances don’t allow for something more elaborate then weeds are your answer. I have used them in times of feast and of famine. It works like this: Weeding requires no thinking but does require your full attention.
I want to write something more interesting that just what is on my mind today. 100 Words in not my diary or the daily dumping ground and I am using it more like that everyday. I am just not in the frame of mind to do other than that lately. I am wondering if it is like many other things in life that it takes some time to recognize for what they are. I am good at ignoring things, or moaning about them and then realizing the whole time that my first idea is usually my best idea. Not lately.
She lost another baby. I feel so bad for her and she takes all the blame and keeps it for herself. There is no blame for this and Mother Nature will give her a child when she is ready and the body and mind are ready. I say she is not ready. She will be soon. How do I know this? I just do. There have been many changes for her in the last year and they all come into play when you ask your body to reproduce on such a grand scale. God will take care of this one.
When do you know what your real purpose in life is? Maybe before you die and maybe not. I made this discovery very late in life. Not too late. I wonder at how simple it is and yet the depth and time it took to get there. Denial, self-pity, martyr, resentment, more martyr, and then and only then Acceptance. Acceptance gives you so many more privileges and is so much less painful than the martyr stage or other stages. It is the place where things become calm and the fight is over. Finally a piece of clarity in the mix.
He has an attitude that belies what he has going on inside. The exterior is cool and smooth, like wind in the trees, appearing just as natural and easy. You would really need to look long and hard to find the real turmoil in his soul. How many people do this? Well not many. We all pass each other day-to-day, like cars on the street. Never knowing the color of the last car or the model. None of us do. People are way different but we tend to treat them the same. I would like to try and do better.
The trip was a big success for one and all. I worked too hard and played too hard and so did others. The trip was a good get away for the little group. Stopping here and there to sell the goods and wares. They loved it, they shunned it, they did and didn’t care. But neither did we. It was fun as well as profitable and the days flew by as in our youth. Spring in our hearts and fall out of the car window. It felt good to be alive and it felt young and it tasted like Freedom.
Thirty years. Thirty damm years. That is how long we have been friends. It’s hard to believe at times. Number one I have a hard time thinking I am that damm old. Well to the point. She has never come to my home in all these years. I have been to hers more times than I can count, but I worked near her, had other friends near her, that is part of the reason. The real reason, I doubt it matters. She was sick a few months ago she realized there are things left to do. She is coming now.
I am in such a foul mood, I cannot tell you. She calls and leaves me a snotty message and says call if you want to talk about this. I can tell by the message the verdict is in and I have done something to offend, or at least she thinks so. It's about privacy and she cannot keep her mouth shut. She decides if the confidence you gave her is worthy or not. This is not normally the way you keep a friendship together. Now her friend won't talk to her and she wants to know what I said?
Did you ever see a flea jump on your knee Down by the sea. My grandson sings this song and there is much more to it ,but I like the sounds. Music moves your spirit, soul, mind and heart all at once. Not this particular little jingle does that trick, not unless my grandson is singing it. Many times I have been moved by the words of a song. I have learned many lessons from song. Heard many stories from song. Song is the string to your heart. Breaking it, healing it, stroking it back Until it is right again.
He is turning thirteen and she is sixteen. He's flattered beyond words for the attention of a girl this much older than him but I am afraid for him. This age is so vulnerable to a young man mature beyond his years. But mature or not this is too much of an age difference for him right now. When I first heard of it I had a question for him. He didn't want to talk to me so I asked him "If you started seeing a nine-year-old girl do think her parents would have concerns?" His face said it all.
They finally got a new computer for the boys and the games and no longer need to come over to play them on mine. I will miss that. You walk in and never know who is going to be there. Many people would find this discomforting but I am used to it. As they get older and I get older there is less and less for us to use as a bond. At first I thought I would just get busy and fill my time with other things and people, but no I don’t think so. Find a new bond.
Rumors are flying like the airplanes taking off out our window, like all the talk when she killed herself. Rumors are such dangerous things. They can destroy as quickly as a wild fire eats a forest and for literally the same reasons. They are difficult to extinguish once they have a foothold. Sometimes it is fun to play the game with the others and add your own two cents for the heck of it,but mostly it is as dangerous as walking into the forest fire. It will turn on you quickly and destroy you. It is not worth it.
Another month come and gone. Hard to believe it flies by so quickly. I wanted more things done; more places visited, more home improvements and all this month. Well from where I am sitting it looks like I wanted too much. That is a lot of stuff to accomplish. No wonder I never get to it all. I want too much from me. Well then I think for the month of September I will ask for less of me. I will plan on nothing and schedule much less than my usual. This new month will be my month of rest.
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