BY deekers

05/01 Direct Link
I think of so many things to write about at different times of the day and then when it is time to sit down I wonder where the brilliant ideas went. Lost in the mind. Everything depends on what life is throwing your way. I have forgotten twice today that I have a doctor's appointment and a baseball game. I think it is a double edged sword. Not all things are worth remembering and the mind is a great savior. If forgetting some of the good along with the bad is the price ,then I can always take more notes.
05/02 Direct Link
There is a national prayer day this week. Wednesday they say. At work they are having group prayer and I have been asked to participate. I never pray publicly but I think I will make an exception since they swear it is very informal and it doesn't matter how well you do it. I was even given a topic, taking God out of our schools. I don't know all I should on the subject but I know my grandson has commented on this very topic. His exact words were more than accurate. "That's so stupid. Everybody knows that is wrong."
05/03 Direct Link
The words are coming hard this month. Maybe that is a good thing but the jury is still out on that decision. I imagine it means that nothing out of the norm is happening in this life and that can be a good thing. It also makes me wonder where my imagination has gone to rest. Do we always have to have the wonderings of the mind on deep matter? When I was younger everything was a drama. That is no longer the case. Now the fight is not to subdue the mind but to stimulate and not become complacent.
05/04 Direct Link
There is a long deep scratch on the left side of his face. I noticed it right away because the days for a scratch or scrape on a daily basis has passed. Now it is bigger things or nothing at all. He said," Didn't mom tell you?" No she didn't. He said he would tell me later. Now I am hearing in dribbles how it came about. His first fistfight after school, with someone who used to be a good friend and because of good ol baseball and a rival team,that is all on the back burner. New beginningings.
05/05 Direct Link
Every once in awhile we get a reality check. I had mine once again. It is life, what you do with it and how long you have to be here. Since most of us never know then it is logical that we make the best of what we have. The only problem here is that we get stuck in our day to day and seldom think of an end to our existence. It's hard to fathom that we will just not be here someday. I can prepare the best I know how but the end is not ours to know.
05/06 Direct Link
I need to do a budget. I usually do it in my head but no matter how hard I try I am coming up short. So time for paper and pencil to find the weak point. I don't have many vises that cost money. I am not a careless person in that way but something is not right. Gee!! I wonder if I might just need to make more money. Now that is not a happy prospect. I will cut out something I don't have to have. That idea feels better than adding to the already heavy burden I carry.
05/07 Direct Link
Once again he will arrive. This time it has been four years since we last saw each other. He is not really in good health anymore. There is physical pain in my heart and mixed emotions. I know the feelings will be the same but the health issue will kill me as he keeps lighting his cigarettes one after another. He knows what he should be doing as we all do but cannot find the strength. No one can do it for him and his children weep at the thought. I will weep too as they are also my children.
05/08 Direct Link
I am looking for advice and I think in all the wrong places. I am casually bringing up the subject in various situations and feeling out people as to what they would hypothetically do. I will make this decision based on my own common sense, which has always been the gage for good decisions. Money is involved and when you add that to the mix it becomes harder to get a clear picture. When the money will be in your pocket thennnnn you really can't think as well. I will keep thinking, or is no decision a decision? More thinking.
05/09 Direct Link
I awoke in the night last night for reasons I will never know. Maybe the cat jumped on the bed, maybe the dog was scratching and bumped the bed, or maybe I just woke up. Whatever the reason I was awake. I sat on the bed and thought of a few things and then my mind began to wonder. How many other people are awake right now and what are they doing? It reminded me of that song that is something about being under the same sky. Somewhere out there it says. That is what I wondered in the night.
05/10 Direct Link
I got a very unusual Mother's Day card this year and in one way wished I had received it a few years ago. It started out as some type of sympathy card and I thought it might be a joke card. It wasn't. It was a card with sympathy for the fact that I had no mother this year to honor or celebrate. I didn't tell my sister. She isn't as strong as I am. I believe that we all suffer in our own way. I appreciate the thought from the giver, my sister could only dwell on the topic.
05/11 Direct Link
My heart was racing as they stopped us all from working and said put your phones on hold. I had no idea what announcement might be forthcoming but I knew it was not going to be good. It wasn't. Our CEO, who is an avid runner, was in the hospital undergoing quadruple bypass surgery. How awful. Then it all came flooding back to me. I have been here before but at a much closer proximity. It would be less than kind to share any of my feeling now. I am a wreck , I lost my mother exactly like this.
05/12 Direct Link
He is drunk day and night now and she has tried to help him by taking him in and providing a home. Not free but at a very reasonable rate. He was working but then the drinking became more important than the job. Now it is D-day because he is going to have to move. The story is sad but true and his biggest complaint for discussion is that he has no boxes, how can he move. He has ruined the room she gave him, ate her food, and didn't care. This falls under the category of "Not my problem."
05/13 Direct Link
In the middle of all this upheaval is a five-year-old child. Not his child but that of a friend of his. It seems, unfortunately, that she was hauled off to jail for breaking probation and happened to be visiting him at this house. All of this happened in a quiet neighborhood in a nice town and because the police spotted a car in the night with the door left open. They were trying to be helpful and make sure nothing was being stolen. Routine. A courtesy to the citizen. The child did it of course but fate did the rest.
05/14 Direct Link
All this is happening to my sister who has been pretty depressed for several months and has had to rent out rooms to make ends meet. The child is very easy to care for and with an easy constitution. This is good because my sister really never has been a kid person. The little girl in discussion has changed her life in the week she has been there. Now she is out of the house, making things with the child, shopping for her and cooking. I think that God has sent them to each other. They both needed the help.
05/15 Direct Link
Kevin is his name. Not that it really matters but he should have a presence here since he has none anywhere else. He is thirty-five and has almost died from alcohol before. I can't understand it so it makes me a poor one to judge. I have compassion for anyone who destroys his or her own life but as for drinking being the culprit I admit to a lack of knowledge or experience. Now he will live in his car and drink until he runs out of money, which will be very soon. Now he is out, what of Kevin?
05/16 Direct Link
The date is set for the fate of the child. It is on a Monday and the beginning of the week. I hope it is the beginning of something good for the child. The grandparents are out of state and if they keep the mom, which all think they will, they will fly out and retrieve the child. What must the child think? Maybe she is used to it and knows her mom will be back, just not the when. I often look back at my children and feel guilt over mistakes I made. I guess I can feel better?
05/17 Direct Link
I once heard someone say. "Don't compare yourself to the worst, compare yourself to the best." I never forgot that because it is so easy to forgive many things when the comparison is to the worst. It covers many sins. I used to say things like, "Well look at so and so. Things aren't so bad." After hearing the above quote, I had to kick the standards up. It is a good one to follow. It has helped me keep on the right path and figure out what should be. What is and should be are usually not the same.
05/18 Direct Link
They call it a day off so why do I feel more exhausted than putting in a full day on the job. The house seems to consume me, obligate me to all sorts of things. I know most of us live like this but I get a little tired of it. Feeling guilty if on a day off I'm on the computer too long, or don't get enough cleaning accomplished. I think it's bunk. I have to kick myself for letting the house run me. Being a conscience homeowner is one thing, but to be ruled by it is another.
05/19 Direct Link
I have to laugh because he is constantly at the computer store trying out all sorts of new and advanced versions. It seems there is a thirty-day, money back guarantee and no reason is required for the return. It is legal but I challenge him on the morality. Everything he tries has to be put back on the shelf as a used item. It should be, but now I wonder at the morality of the store. Is that what they do? How could you afford to do that when one person alone is borrowing thousands of dollars worth of stuff.
05/20 Direct Link
The child is mad at his parents because he feels like they tell all his secrets. I can understand it. What is done in jest effects other more than we sometimes know. It was funny when he was little because he is a smart and funny child. Now he is ten and beginning the long process of becoming a man. It is not funny to him anymore. Naturally mom is responsible to get it all stopped for him. I encouraged him to have a talk with them. He thinks it is a good idea and can I go with him?
05/21 Direct Link
Someone called him a prodigy. I don't agree. He is very talented and very blessed to have the physical abilities he possesses. He is very good, very versatile, and sharp at his game. I don't think this makes a prodigy when it comes to baseball. I am more than prejudice when it comes to this child but I just don't see it. Maybe the coach is being overly kind. Maybe I am ignorant. I am pretty sure I am in this area. I guess time will tell and if it is true we will all see him on the television.
05/22 Direct Link
I was going to write about how many people I know that are having babies and how many of those are girls. Who cares? If you know them or are even acquainted it would be another story but for my 100 Words, I don't think so. I was just thinking to myself of the percentages and them all being girls. Maybe I found it interesting that we could be over producing the girls and the ratio is going out of whack. I doubt too many people are worried about it so I decided not to use it for today's words.
05/23 Direct Link
She is fifty-two this year and it is happening again. In life you learn as you go and some of us do and others never do. She says she doesn't need a man in her life but here she is once again taking all kinds of crap and demeaning bull from yet another one. I just don't understand it. His behavior has turned from sweet and loving to abusive and demeaning in a year. I think the question stands for it's self. Where was this before? I know human nature but this is not a natural place to be. Abuse.
05/24 Direct Link
She is fifty-two this year and it is happening again. In life you learn as you go and some of us do and others never do. She says she doesn't need a man in her life but here she is once again taking all kinds of crap and demeaning bull from yet another one. I just don't understand it. His behavior has turned from sweet and loving to abusive and demeaning in a year. I think the question stands for it's self. Where was this before? I know human nature but this is not a natural place to be. Abuse.
05/25 Direct Link
There once was a man who had no hand. He had no fingers and he had no land. He lived on a farm and had the corn, But had no way to reap his reward. So he hired a hand to do the chores. In came the corn and in came the cash. The hand stole more than it ever matched. The man got his wish and had that hand But soon fell sullen and made a plan. He wanted it gone, go back to none. He was happier that way with the hand of one. That was fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
05/26 Direct Link
There are crossroads in life that you think you are prepared for and you think you know what you should do when the time comes. Then it arrives in the most untimely manner and all that thinking is for naught. Then an even bigger and harder decision is in your face. If you are a "What if?" kind of person you can function in this situation. I wish I were at times. So now to make a huge decision on what if. Seek counsel and then listen. I counsel others extremely well. So it is similar to physician heal thyself.
05/27 Direct Link
All day I have had to stop myself from making a call. It is his birthday. The day I brought forth this small infant with a strong will a month earlier than his due. The years have go as they always do and things have changed beyond my wildest and worst imagination. He and I are now estranged. How can that be when he was so dependent on me for his every need? It does happen and you sometimes are never one hundred percent why. It goes beyond words that I'm able to describe. It goes to the very soul.
05/28 Direct Link
Dirt is the topic of importance. You can never win the dirt battle. I go through spells of "I quit" and don't care if you CAN write your name on the coffee table. Then slowly begins to make me insane. So I make an attack. Out comes the heavy duty cleaning fluids. Now the job is bigger than ever but I have attitude and don't care. Winning in a sense. OK I didn't win, but I felt free. Free from the dust and dirt that is going to land there whether I like it or not. Free like the dirt.
05/29 Direct Link
He's one of those young guys that can't ask a straight question as well as can't give a straight answer. Talking to him is an experience beyond words and most of the time beyond my ability and patience. So tonight I decide to be a nice guy and ask how he is doing. Well I probably don't have to tell you that that was a mistake. The stories, as it were took half an hour to relate. To make this readable I will only tell you that in the end I gave him a ride to and from the store.
05/30 Direct Link
I have to tell you the rest of the event of yesterday. I took him to the store after much begging. The whole idea of the ride was to drop his car off in a visible spot because he needs to sell it. We get there; he parks his car, starts walking to the driver's side. I already know there is going to be a slight kink in the arrangement. He proceeds to tell me he thinks he will just walk home because he wants to talk to a girl in the store. I did not use one bad word.
05/31 Direct Link
Dammm!!!! Here I was all moaning and griping because my 100 Words didn't get posted with everyone else's. So I write to Jeff, sorry, and say please, what's wrong? He was kind enough to not answer me and tell me I am an idiot. There are thirty-one days in the month of May and there lies my downfall. So once again in my usual manner I panic and don't check myself first. I thought I was okay. So now I have to slam in these last hundred words and hope I make the dead line. I think I got it.