BY deekers

10/01 Direct Link
I heard from an old pal today. He has been gone for months and I wondered what had happened in his life and how he was doing. It was such a treat to find out he is doing well and life is on the upswing for him. Good news is always welcome whether it is for yourself or someone else. We all need connections no matter how slight they may be. It made me think of the people I am neglecting the guys I used to work with. I need to call them and I will. They're a great bunch.
10/02 Direct Link
I woke up late and was proud of myself because I never sleep in so for me it was a feat. I envy the people that can wake up and say, "Yes, it's Saturday" then roll over and get back to it. I have always wanted to do that but I ‘am afraid I will miss something and I want to be up to enjoy my day off. I have often been accused of being nuts and worse, but I can't help it. It's just me. So envy on one side and no desire on the other. Life's little dilemmas.
10/03 Direct Link
I told him yesterday that if something should happen to him I would take his child and do my best with her. I had been thinking about it for months after he had mentioned he was setting up a will, and mainly to protect his minor child. He had several people in mind that he mentioned but I wasn't one of them. My big roll in our relationship has always been the children. Twenty years now that is what the friendship is based upon. So naturally I wondered why he hadn't spoken to me about that. Well I found out.
10/04 Direct Link
He laughed when I told him that and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. He said you are going to make yourself old worrying about those things. He's the one that seemed so burdened. To make a long story short he said he would never think to burden me with that job. He has family and they would just have to step up to the plate. He sees them so little I never thought he would consider it. The whole time the answer was as natural as one could expect. I thought I was being selfish.
10/05 Direct Link
I missed the month of August here for the first time in a year, I think. I have guilt and yet I still am short on words again this month. Do you run out of things to say? Does life have its stagnant times? I guess it does. My home is a wreck with some re-modeling and I think it has distracted me and stressed me out more than I care to admit. I set up a television in my bedroom, which I never have cared for, got the computer, I got my space. So I thought. It didn't work.
10/06 Direct Link
The hammering and sawing rip through you even though you sanctioned the project. I gave up part of the family room to enlarge a bedroom for my youngest son. He has done a fantastic job so I cannot complain about any of it. It's just that I didn't ever think it would disturb me as it has. It seems as though all your rationalization of the project, the mental preparation you do, is not strong enough to overcome the devices that destroy first and re-build later. It will be beautiful when it is finished. I will focus on that end.
10/07 Direct Link
There are times in our life that we re-evaluate. My birthday was one of them. Unknown to me at the time it has started to take its toll. I have booked a trip to Rome for 2005, made plane reservations for a trip to see my granddaughter, and started Christmas shopping in October, which is not me. So I think it is a good thing, these milestones that we hit. Look what I have accomplished in less than a month's time. If I keep this up I won't have time to work anymore. Now that would be a nice conclusion.
10/08 Direct Link
The boys were here last night. The 10 year old and I went out to eat and then cuddled down for a movie. About midnight the older boy arrives safely and talks about his movie and falls asleep on my bed, just as he did as a child. I stayed up with JJ and finished Home Alone 3. Then he dozed off on the other side of the bed. When mom comes she can't believe I am up. I had to laugh. There was no place for me on the bed. They are big boys now. We both laughed then.
10/09 Direct Link
I am planning a trip out of the country and this is from someone who has hardly been past Kansas. I made the commitment in less than a week because when life sends you opportunity you can't procrastinate. For me this is big. Bigger than big, it is huge. I am always the last one to jump up and go. I like being home and I like the security of my surroundings. So why would I do this? I don't know. It just seems like the thing to do. And sometimes that is exactly what you should do. Just go.
10/10 Direct Link
I stuck it out in this job and now it ‘s been almost a year. I moaned on here for what I felt was weeks but wasn't and worked like I never have before to learn it all. It is amazing to see how long it takes people to warm up to you and only in the last few months am I coming into my own. I guess because I am so unlike that as an individual that I don't understand people being standoffish so long. I welcome new people but in the real world it doesn't work like that.
10/11 Direct Link
She has been drawn to me for a reason I cannot tell. She said she loves my spirit, yet she doesn't know me at all. It's a rare occasion when you meet someone so straightforward that it is actually intimidating. How can she be so sure when I cannot always find that spirit myself? I have to shake my head and wonder if I can live up to what she has determined me to be. Now she wants to go to lunch to know me better. She has chosen me and now I have to decide if that is ok.
10/12 Direct Link
Some people are just born assholes. I have had the luck of meeting two. I am not talking the average dillhole here. These two, though not related in any way, are a pair. I would be hard pressed to decide which is worse. I guess if pressed I would have to let the older hole win because he should know better and the younger one might, just might, have a chance. Either one will argue for no reason, they take no responsibility for their actions and never really know why they have no friends. It is never ever their fault.
10/13 Direct Link
I notice that my attitude gets better the further I walk. So walking is what I am doing now. It can't hurt you generally speaking but I never thought I would be one of them.. The further I go the more I like it. So it grows. I don't need to loose weight but sitting at a desk all day doesn't do much for the bod. I am feeling thick in the middle even though no one else seems to agree. Well that's ok they don't have to. I will walk anyway. It feels like an accomplishment for me alone.
10/14 Direct Link
Wow, I really worked hard today. I had fun and worked hard. That makes for a good day. As I noticed the others involved in the project, what exhilarated me seemed to ware heavily on others. The more I did the more jazzed I got. We are all different but if you have to do it, then just make the best of it. I know we have some dark souls on here that will tell me to eat shit, but whatever. It was a good thing and it separates in a way you need to, to see the other people.
10/15 Direct Link
I can't figure out what I will do with my old dog. It might sound trivial to some but he has been around for fifteen years and you get attached even if you are not a dog person at heart. I just don't think it is my job to put him down when he can still wag his tail on my arrival, eat his dinner and sleep in his place. But, and there is always the but isn't there, he keeps falling in the pool. He is weak and I am mortally afraid he will not get out one time.
10/16 Direct Link
I gave a donation to, I think Children's Cancer Research, and now I have lived to regret it. I have so much mail asking for donations that it is unbelievable. The thing that bothers me the most is the money they spend trying to get money. I have more name labels than I will live long enough to use. What a waste. I wanted to help and do just a small something but it just can't be done that way. All the wasted money. That is the worst part but I don't have a better answer for then getting it.
10/17 Direct Link
One hundred words. No more no less. It now sometimes seems like no more than a test. Some of you write blah,blah,blah on the days you are not inspired. On the days I am not inspired I make up a line of bologna. pure fabrication, and pass it off as my own. The rules are very liberal and the words need only be your own, so when inspiration leaves you your other side can play. Most of us are healthy and use this sounding board to let the toil and turmoil of all the days unfold. Thank you 100 Words.
10/18 Direct Link
The project goes on. I don't dust anymore; I don't vacuum very often and hardly pick up after this mess. Remodeling one lousy room and the whole house is destroyed. I knew it would be a mess, I knew it would take a little time doing it, but I never realized how depressing it was going to be as it drags on. You just can't get up for any of it when ten minutes later more wood, drywall or soundboard is dragged through what you just cleaned. I now just walk by and pray for the day I can clean.
10/19 Direct Link
Short, spiked brown hair with rich dark red running through it. This kid is very comfortable with himself. I love it. He is not all brass but he can take a chance, not let it worry him and even have fun with it. Not the norm for a ten year old. His older brother would never have done it and would not now because pier pressure is very big in his life at fourteen. Got a girl and even held her hand in front of mom and dad. Mom is nearly in tears over the loss of her baby boy.
10/20 Direct Link
When I see him I always wonder if in another time and another place it would be so very different. I don't believe you get those feelings by accident. You can just tell. Nice, friendly, well educated with a good position but I see it there anyway. Just that slight hesitation in a look. Just that ever so gentle rise of an eyebrow. I only think of it when I see him and I'm sure he is the same. In time that will go too because you cannot change the passage of time or this place we are in it.
10/21 Direct Link
I am flying out of here tomorrow and already a little home sick. That's just crazy. I guess if I was looking a little more forward to where I am going it would be different. It's not that I mind a little trip, it's just being company somewhere. I would rather do the giving of that than the receiving. It doesn't come natural for me. I will be treated well and made to feel special, going out and touring a little but I don't know. Maybe what's wrong is I don't go much. I always have fun when I do.
10/22 Direct Link
I went through all the closets and drawers and took out the summer clothes and put in the warm stuff. I love going to the garage and opening bags I stuck there a year ago. That excitement when you see a color you love and forgot you had. It's like free shopping in your own garage. That is the highest point you can plan on hitting in a garage cleaning. Found tools, stuff you forgot about and the surprise of finding it again. This is my approach for one of the worst jobs known to man. Cleaning our own garage.
10/23 Direct Link
There's this guy at work. I try talking with him at lunch but there is a language barrier. He is an old man who sits alone on the steps to eat as I pace around with my cigarette in hand. What makes this worthy of 100 Words is that he is illegal and has been here seven years, still can't speak the language but can say enough to tell me outright that he has no papers and when he sees the police he hides. I just have a problem with that. Could I go to another country and do that?
10/24 Direct Link
There really is no fear or moral issue for him. He lives with no car, a small apartment he shares and who knows what else. He is paying a high price for the American life so where he comes from must be worse. I am starting to feel rumblings of discontent. I feel sorry for him, and others, but accidentally I have come upon the knowledge of how the different races come here, know more how to use the system than I ever would, make their money and go home with the same jealous mean thoughts of the U.S.
10/25 Direct Link
I discovered I am not good at the weekend jetting around the country. It was only three days and a fairly short plane trip but it whipped me. I haven't slept so well as I did the night I returned home, in many many moons. Boy did that feel good. Maybe we need to get totally worn out once in a while just to recapture that wonderful state of rest. I don't travel much but it seems as though when I do I really go for it. Once I make up my mind I am so glad I did it.
10/26 Direct Link
We were just walking along and talking about the big trip next year. The wind blew and a huge rainstorm lay in the western sky threatening to pour before the night was over. I'm not sure what brought the subject up but there it was. She has been blessed with a very good life and plenty of money, so somehow it makes this adversity even harder. Her husband will be going to prison. Not for long but where she comes from and her people, it is unheard of. They can usually buy their way out of anything. Not computer hacking.
10/27 Direct Link
It seems he proclaims all types of innocence but never the less he hired the two guys that did it and it was only into the competitions system. Now a man that smart surely knew they would be caught. All they wanted were prices, which they easily could have gotten with a lot less criminal actions. Well it seems the Federal Government does not take this lightly and he is not getting out of it and neither are the two guys he hired. A man's ego can easily be his destruction, as is the case with this man. No rules.
10/28 Direct Link
I got one of those stock letters from my church today in the mail. I have been skipping and skipping Sunday services. No particular reason in the God department, just lazy I guess. The letter won't get me back by it's direct plea but the thoughts that it provokes just might do it. It has been weighing heavy on my mind as I sit in my pajamas on Sunday and just do not want to jump up and dress just likes a workday. I think if I could just show up without the hair done, the dressing, I would go.
10/29 Direct Link
You don't really appreciate your health until you loose it, even if that loss is temporary in nature. Pain and inflammation is natures way of protecting parts of our body when injured and at the same time can cause their own set of problems. I sometimes think of old age and the "Golden Years" and wonder what kind of a joke that is. Deterioration of vital organs, muscle, even our brain. I think we need to be awake to some of the sayings we always hear. They're based in solid truth. "Youth is wasted on the young" Makes sense now.
10/30 Direct Link
Working on a Saturday was definitely different and I actually enjoyed it. It was the annual physical inventory and they weren't kidding. We worked hard, lifted, squatted, twisted and counted til we nearly dropped. Closed early to disappoint the local shoppers, and sent them on to HD. A nice lunch was served in the main yard with drinks, desserts and tablecloths. As the day went on there was a cart constantly coming around with drinks, chips, candy and lots of water. It was a nice experience. The downer: People that have worked there for years. Moaning the whole damm time.
10/31 Direct Link
I am, without a doubt, in terrible shape. I feel like a hundred after working yesterday. I have to laugh because I was really working it and the whole time thinking: This is not too bad for an old broad. It's even funnier when all the aches and pains arrived at the same time I got out of bed. I definitely cannot squat fifty times, nor twist sixty nor stand on my feet for hours. This was a good thing to know. So now I have to decide, I am going to start working out or never do inventory again…………….