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Its 2.am, my eyes plastered opened because my thoughts are too active for sleep. I read an article the other day; about a writer going further in depth about the misconceptions of a writer and the realities of it. She talked about how every writer has a “rough draft” which is the horrible draft with very child like scattered thoughts. Its that draft where you wouldn't want any other human being on this planet seeing it because you feel its that wretched. When i read that article i instantly correlated my sketch book and a writers “first draft” together.
I'm currently watching a movie named "The girl in the box" a movie that my mother and sister have been waiting months to see. It hasn't even been on for twenty minutes and I'm already unmeasurably disturbed. Watching things like this are scary as hell, because you get a hit of reality, the real that you subconsciously try to ignore. Theres so many ugly things that happen in this world, its heart breaking.
Today was a pretty mediocre day. It started of pretty great though, i slept in then made a huge pancake drenched in peanut better. After my oh so amazing pancake, I went to class, comp 1 actually. After class my day magically flew by, it was like the time flew from 5 to 10, guess that tends to happen on your days off huh? Super siked for tomorrow though, I'm actually going to the beach, doing that floridian shit that we're expected todo. I should actually stop typing so I can pack the cooler before I forget.
The subject just recently came up between a friend a I about an "inspiration drought". Which can be one of the most depressing moments in the life of an artist. Well in my opinion atleast, its this mixed feeling between wanting with your whole being to create something, but the inspiration just not being there. I remember countless of times, sitting there with my sketchbook open, waiting for action to happen. Yet not having the inspiration for anything. Its like loosing your voice, but having so much to say. Its mentally painful.
For the past week I have been hearing various rants about Beyoncé’s new album “Lemonade”. A couple of days following I read how it’s the No. 1 on the Billboard 200. After reading several articles and hearing rant after rant, curiosity began to struck, I needed to hear this album for myself. I first watched the visual album which consisted of the 13 tracks. The visual album had me completely flabbergasted for various reasons. This album was by far the most experimental Beyoncé has gotten from a musical and visual stand point.
Its 12a.m, one of those nights where you want sleep, but you’re too awake for sleep, so you just stream the internet in hopes of finding something interesting enough to read. To make a long story short, I found an article named “Sex Addiction: An intimacy disorder”. My first thought was “Sex Addict? How ridiculous and pathetic”, but as I read on I realized how this is an actual illness, an illness that just gets overlooked and shamed by society. Every one out of three people struggle from this severity, it is not just an addiction of sexual pleasure, but something much deeper than that.
Growing into adult hood I hear a specific sentence frequently “you have nothing to be stressed about Daraya, you’re young”. So because of the fact that I’m young, means I have no problems nor nothing to worry about? I just found that statement mind boggling and irritating, considering the fact that transitioning into adult hood you’re going through so many drastic changes. For example, we get sent off to college to a place where for most of us, we know not a soul, so we’re forced to meet new people, forced to get to know our new surroundings, forced to get a new job. All of these things may sound so minuscule, but when it’s you in that position, it’s a lot to take in.
Imagine how great it would be to meet with an inspiring person from the past. To tell them how much they have impacted you in such positive ways, especially if they didn't get that kind of praise until after their death. I wish i could meet Van Gogh, and tell him how amazing he is, in contrast to everyone around him at the time telling him how he was always going to be a starving artist. He's a legend, if only he knew.
Currently missing and reminiscing about New York City. Missing the excentric strangers you passed on the side walk, the bright lights that kept you wide awake at 2am, the pretzels stands on the side of the road that sold hot dogs and pretzels that you're too afraid to bite into, the ridiculous scenes people would make in the subways, the hot men you'd smirk at, yet knew you'd never see their faces again, the people fleeting off the train, weaving in and out of tourist. New York has my heart, maybe one day we'll meet again.
Yesterday night I went to a figure drawing class, which was super eye opening and exciting. The class was three hours long and consisted of the model doing various 5-10 minute poses, and two twenty minute poses. That was the first time I've done observation drawing in about a year. It really opened my eyes and made me realize how much my skill has diminished. The quote "Use it or lose it" was a cliche I should've taken more seriously. I plan to go to the class atleast once a month now.
I feel like my whole day was completely wasted, and this really upsets me. I had the total mindset of getting a shit load of school work done today, yet here I am watching a show where I don't know what the hells going on and eating brownies. Lord knows I'm seeing this on the scale tomorrow. Just seen a commercial about $3.50 subs at subway, ahhhh cheap subs! Who doesn't love that?
I read this very interesting article the other day. It was pertaining to global warming and "Global trauma". Global trauma is a new word which stand for the fear of having children, because of how rapidly this environment is going to shits.Most of the people who have this fear are environmentalist who truly believe that the world will end within 100 years from now. I have no second doubts in my mind that this theory is not bogus. This earth is screaming for help, yet we the people want to overlook it, I think we tend to forget that earth is providing us with life.
It's been a busy week, I feel like I say that every week though. I can't wait for a day where I have a free day just to lay in bed, draw, and watch vice ALL DAY. It's been really bothering me lately, how I've been so caught up with the 9-5 life and school, that i forgot what its like to have free time. The moment you get a second to breath, you don't know what the hell to do with it. Theres so much fun and exploration waiting to be made outside of my snow globe, patiently waiting to break through it.
So my grandmother came down the other day, and she gets on the subject of marijuana. As she continues to rant about it, I notice that she thinks marijuana is a drug equivalent to like heroin or crack haha. It saddens me how marijuana has such a bad rep. People feel just because its illegal and its considered a "drug", that its this unholy plant that shouldn't be touched. If people actually took the time to do research, instead of just making all of these false assumptions, the world would be a lot easier to hold a conversation with. People seem to always want to rant about things they don't know about.
Today I had another tattoo session, only one more to go and I'm all done whooooop! Any who, my tattoo artist and I had a really good conversation about dilemmas happening that aren't in the media. For example, how two main pesticide companies own majority of businesses and are the ones who regulate our food. Or how a radio active pond got released into our aquifer, that article got released 3 weeks after it actually happened! Meanwhile the community of all ages are showering and drinking that water This world is like a horrible mystery game, take me back to my childhood where i was oblivious to it all.
If you had your fair share around children, you should fantasticalhave noticed something right away, they are not too fond of dull moments and they constantly need their attention occupied. Most children movies are cartoon or animated movies, there is a certain logic for this. Looking at animated art, you notice that it is typically colorful, surreal and has a sense of cheerfulness by using the phycological associations of art: such as vibrant colors and many thin and organic lines. Children movies always have a lot going on to consistently keep the child engaged.
In contrast, films aimed for adolescences takes a pivot from the youthful and cheerful children films. When a movie is created for the targeted demographic of teenagers, the producers primarily focus on being relatable to the viewers. Generally speaking, teenagers are in vulnerable states because they are in the mist of puberty and finding one’s self, because of this they are quickly captivated by anything relatable to them, hence the reason producers focus on relatability.Motions pictures for this demographic are usually about young love, teenage drama or are comedy’s.
Furthermore, adult films are where all the juiciness lies, full of reality and drama. Although many adult films are fiction, they focus on reality and real day to day problems: such as sex, drugs, political issues, abuse, etc. Producers focus on relating to the audience in an explicit and unfiltered way, as compared to being more censored in adolescent films. These movies tend to be conceptually deeper to urge a reaction out of the viewer .
In essence, there is different methods used to draw in different demographics. When a movie is produced for children, the creator uses animation to add a sense of youthfulness, is extremely censored and has a lot going on to hold the viewer’s attention. When generated for a teenager, the focus is shifted to being relatable to the viewer, typically being about teenage drama, young love or comedy. Lastly, when the targeted audience is for adults, the film gets conceptually deeper and is explicitly based on the reality of the world. When looking at films as a whole, they can be broken down into three classifications which are: movies produced for children, teens and adults
Growing up I feel like I was so quick to say "I don't like this, or I don't like that" so quickly. When in all reality, I knew so little about what I was claiming I didn't like. For example, politics, I always preached about how politics was evil and how I hated everything about it. Now that I am a bit older, and I know more about politics I still think theres some evil loop holes in system, but by all means I certainly do not hate learning about it and its complexities.
I met a really interesting character when I was in New York, his name was Besnik. I learned a lot from him to be honest, more than I expected. Besnik and I are very contrasting people, with that being said, I learned a lot about the things he likes which happened to be the things I previously swore I disliked. Stand up comedy for example, I always figured that it was something I would have no interest in, come to find out, I laughed a hell of a lot more than he did during some of them.
Meeting Besnik had an impact on me, it made me fully embrace the phrase "don't knock it, till you try it". This world is full of so many beautiful complexities. I can't believe I was so young judging so many things I knew so little about. I guess thats all part of the learning process though right? Now that my perspective has shifted a bit, I am noticing that every person you meet has some kind of knowledge to offer, they know something you don't, embrace it and let them stimulate you. It's a beautiful process.
I typically have a wide array of music that gets my shoes tapping. Although recently, the only genre I have been wanting to listen to is country. Its odd, the minute I am feeling down, I automatically put on some country music. Its like that genre triggers back a sense of "home" and instantly calms me down. I am assuming its because that is the music I grew up with. I remember waking up every morning to grami on the porch with her cigarette in her hand and black coffee in the other jamming to todays hit country list, I miss home.
Last night I decided I would actually go out and live my youth a bit. Its so strange, I always get asked to go out, but I never want to go out and do things now of days. The odd thing about it is I usually hate being home and love going out. I think it just narrows down to never having time between classes and work. So when I actually get a day to myself, its like LEAVE ME ALONE haha. AHHH time is such a precious thing to give to someone. Its at least a little healthy to be stingy with your time.
How great would it be if every public place had free wifi? I am not talking about just businesses, but parks, beaches, etc. It would be nice to be able to go to the beach or a preserved park and do research/homework. Although, it would probably get abused liked most things do now of days. In White Plains, NY they have a huge beautiful park that has free wifi, food trucks, a soccer field, a play ground and a dam, that park was amazing. Bringing some boxed wine and a great fiction book to that place was a purse full of fun.
How would you feel knowing your daughter’s wage is already predetermined before she comes out the womb? Knowing her future skills, qualifications and education level will not even be recognized? Unequal pay and the wage gap between female and male and different racial groups has raised controversy for many decades. Although The Equal Pay Act was passed by John F. Kennedy in 1963, that did not resolve the issue, this is still a major problem in the twenty first century.
Woman all across the board are getting lower wages than men, no matter their occupation, age or education. Statistics show that woman with higher degrees still make less than a man with a lower or equal degree. The U.S. Census Bureau previously stated that “Women with master’s degrees working full time, year round are paid just 72 cents for every dollar paid to men with master’s degrees. Further, among full-time, year-round workers, women with doctoral degrees are paid less than men with master’s degrees, and women with master’s degrees are paid less than men with bachelor’s degrees.”
I wish I was poetic I wish I could harmoniously write about the tsunami that clashes the walls of my stomach when our bodies intertwine. I wish my words would gracefully glide across my paper, like they oh so aesthetically do across that prickly stomach of yours. If I could just somehow verbally or visually mimic just how you engulf me.
The question society has been facing is how do be put in equal pay to halt? How do we end this wage gap? The first step to solving the problem is by having everyone realize that there is a problem, whether they blame discrimination, the court system or the employer; it’s a problem, where people decide to place their blame is irrelevant. Once society decides to stop playing the blame game and start uniting to diminish the problem, then progress will begin to take place.If that ideally happens it is predicted that equal pay between man and woman will happen in roughly 44 years from now, or in 2059.
I've noticed that I have this odd obsession with small hole in the wall coffee shops. Thats actually were I am now typing this haha. There's something ambiguously comforting and relaxing about them. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee being inhaled, the quite yet accepting atmosphere, its great. Especially when you want to get tones of homework done, or want to just work on a new art piece! I highly recommend just stopping by a small coffee house that you've never been to before, those are usually the best.
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