09/01 Direct Link
When I write stories and songs i like to think that one day my words my truly have an effect maybe to inspire someone (perhaps a better writer) to do something awesome. The hardest part is getting the ideas sometimes I see a word and instantly inspiration rushes into my head and my hands don't stop till three in the morning when I realized I stopped making since around 2 and I have to go back and rewrite and by the time I'm finished my flow is messed up, other times its a war between my thoughts and my hands
09/02 Direct Link
Scattering scrambling wondering thoughts the jump around in my head and fight wrestle for precedence. My problem actually isn't with coming up with ideas its separating stray thoughts and ideas and allowing them to congeal into a understandable story or argument that I can be proud of and other people can understand. My hands often work like lightning moving faster than my brain can account for what they're even doing and I have to smash the backspace button a couple thousand times and retread old territory and then start again calmer until eventually my thoughts become a fight for space
09/03 Direct Link
not sure why i procrastinated on doing this its not hard to write one hundred words, especially when I pull stuff like spelling out 100. simple stuff like that makes free writing like this go by super fast. I think i just have a habit of putting off things because I can, like a morbid curiosity with pushing things till they break like a kid who pushes the babysitter till they snap just to see what they can possibly get away with. but now I'm writing everything I can this week and trying my best but I don't mind really.
09/04 Direct Link
Thinking about old friendships makes me uncomfortable, people I used to depend on or even count as extended family who hate or don't care about me now. a part of me wants to forget them to wipe them out of my life and my memories and live in the now, it certainly seems easier because on certain levels I miss my unique relationships with the person but I know I learned a valuable lesson from each of them and I would not be the person I am I wouldn't know the people I do now I woudlnt have the memories
09/05 Direct Link
I feel like we often think of depression as sadness but I don't feel that way, I think depression is something else,I believe its something that takes away feeling after you fall deep enough into it you stop really feeling at least thats how it was for me, it took away happiness first so I resorted the emotions i had left sadness and anger mostly but eventually i lost the motivation to muster up that much it feels like being hollowed and left with nothing to where by the time I considered getting help it was almost to late.
09/06 Direct Link
Music is so powerful. It moves people and changes and evolves with them. It can distract or focus, energize or calm, I love the idea of words and thoughts or just raw bass out of a speaker effecting the world like a magic spell summoning something from the ether but this is real and true and powerful, whatever the genre or inspiration if a song can change a mind or help a single person along its art and I respect the artist. we take this thing for granted but when its done right it can be an extreme transforming force.
09/07 Direct Link
I love history, like learning a story about some great king or general excites and interests me but at the base of that I love stories real or fantasy I love a good tale and to pass it on is even better. If its just a story, a fantasy book or even a great video game or show, I think to many people I seem apathetic or bored about most things but thats not the case at all, when I hear a story i have no problems whatsoever showing interest and asking questions so I can tell it correctly myself
09/08 Direct Link
College is not what I expected its honestly seems more relaxed than highschool, better for me this way I like being able to work on my own and learn how I have to without someone else shoving their methodology down my throat without considering my way of doing things naturally. I have always had a weird way of doing things from holding forks or pencils to typing and doing math my own way, its just how I'm wired and it works but in public school they force you to fit a certain mold and because that's whats easier for them
09/09 Direct Link
caffeine makes it so hard for me to type I have a harder time controlling my hands because they're so shaky that my movements are stiff and fast and hard to control. My hands are already tired and I am not even half way through yet. It's also harder to concentrate I think of something to write and I come up with rambles so I write those ramblings so that I dont just have to close on a blank entry for the day, but maybe I should have taken today off I do not think I am at my best
09/10 Direct Link
I wonder why we have to write 100 words, I mean its not hard or anything I mean I can literally just write "words words words" 100 times and it would count but that would bother me so I wont do that and I feel like it would entirely defeat the point of getting my "creative juices flowing" and its not like I hate writing I like it even, whatever I'm writing as long as I have control over there is something to like about it and I can do this on a break even if I didn't like it
09/11 Direct Link
I wonder what music will be like in the future, will rap and rock live on or will I be the old guy listening to lame music that the kids hate and whatever they are listening to I consider just noise. but honestly that gets me wondering about the future I mean we have already failed at being in the future, no robots, no hover cars or laser eyed cyborgs, the 80s would be so disappointed in us. But what about our future? will we meet aliens? will they be friendly? its all crazy to think about but who knows?
09/12 Direct Link
I wonder how my younger self would look at me now, would he be disappointed I didn't get very tall? would I hate myself now? I feel like on a certain level i've made some decisions that I silently said I never would, but I didnt compromise I made them on my terms and burned the bridges that I needed to to be who I wanted to be. I'm way too stubborn honestly I don't do whats best and I can do stupid things just because just I refuse to back down for some reason, I honestly dont know why
09/13 Direct Link
I think pulp fiction is one of my favorite movies ever, because of how its shot and the story is told. Its told from each of the main characters perspective and its a really interesting approach, when one character runs into another they don't know they dont care about them, like real life they dont know that theyre a part of the same story they just look and see some random guy until something important happens involving them and even then sometimes its only for a split second because we interact with so many people we cant dwell on it
09/14 Direct Link
An example of what I meant yesterday is when (spoilers) Butch Kills Vincent in the bathroom, before this scene Vincent is a main character one of the movies two most iconic characters. Now Pulp Fiction is not the first movie to kill a main character but the way it did it was very interesting, butch shoots him and moves on. What I mean by that is that the movie doesn't treat him like he is important, he's treated like the random unlucky goon he is in the grand scheme of things and his death is a footnote in butch's story
09/15 Direct Link
The reason I brought up Pulp Fiction is because I'm a nerd and because I feel death is sorely mishandled in pretty much any entertainment medium. It treats death like it waits for people, like its poetic reaper who waits before it takes away people you care about so they can get in those pivotal last words, but its random and messy and the least poetic thing ever. when Vincent dies the movie doesnt linger because its following a saying I heard, "death is only the end if you assume the story is about you" thats something movies often lack
09/16 Direct Link
I wish I was better about managing time, I procrastinate and waste time when I should be working and typing but I usually get what I need to done. I hope thats the case this time and I get all these done im running late and typing like crazy when im not getting distracted. But I dont know what I should talk about today because im not that interesting and I never really know what to say in these in general if im being completely honest but Ill figure something out, especially if i stall like I did today, sorry!
09/17 Direct Link
I dunno what my obsession is with the idea of robots that simulate emotion gaining true sentience. From mega man to blade runner and all throughout, the idea of humanity not being the heroes of the story, with our creations taking over that roll and us becoming something else, maybe even the villains of the story. Its an interesting thought, what makes us human or even what qualifies as living, is a pulse and a heart a requirement? Or is it thinking and feeling? is that the only important thing in this? I think that asking this makes us human
09/18 Direct Link
When we think about existence we always think in absolutes and the men of science often scoff at faith, even the ones that recognize how tentative our grasp of the universe is think very rigidly. but what I'm talking about is the faith even in our own existence, that we are not in some dream or running some simulation, and we also assume that other people think and feel, when we can really only guarantee our own depths and our own thoughts because we can't really understand another person like we understand ourselves.But we dont often think about that.
09/19 Direct Link
Our culture often dwells on romantic love, Its what we sing about, talk about, write about more than anything else, almost to the point of obsession. Even those people against the idea talk about it way more than is necessary. I'm not saying its a bad thing or even that I dont believe in it or I think its bad. I just think people dwell on it too much, especially eternal, unconditional love and I think that its unhealthy, because its an emotion, a powerful one but every emotion has conditions to it but we treat this one like magic
09/20 Direct Link
I don't like thinking in what ifs, not because i'm too smart or serious or whatever to think in abstract but because I dwell on concrete things forever and thinking about things that cant ever happen would just add more to the mess of my mind. But that doesn't stop me from getting lost in history and mythology and stories in general really I dont know why im so fascinated by them, I just love getting caught up in another time or another world or even another universe with different laws and rules and different people its interesting to me
09/21 Direct Link
Music is great motivation to get me working, as long as I dont get lost in it while im working or trying to, but that just exemplifies to me the power its got over people. Its everywhere in our society, in movies and shows played in the background in certain buildings and some people even sleep with it playing and I think that lets people take it for granted, but I still try to appreciate all kinds of music even if I dont really like them very much, but I think I like at least one song from every genre
09/22 Direct Link
People always demonize divorce, I dont see it in itself as being that bad. The narrative is always that it ruins marriages and harms children, but I dont see it, it doesnt ruin marriages because happy married people dont get divorced, unhappy people who probably argue and maybe even resent each other do. I think I have an interesting view of marriage because I know people that arent married that have lasted longer than marriages and most of the married people I know dont seem too happy about the arrangement. Ive never had the fascination with love like that honestly
09/23 Direct Link
I have had flashbacks since I was a kid, I dont know if other people get them too but I know i definitely do. Not like in movies where someone is taken back to the moment and they lose where they are but close, I start to see and hear the moment in my head while looking out with my eyes but I lose some focus on the outside. sometime I even say something I remember saying back then, or feeling whatever I felt then, embarrassing myself in front of people most of the time if other people are around
09/24 Direct Link
I have played video games for as long as I can remember I have always liked the challenge and inserting myself in to the stories and thinking what I really would do in these situation or even if its just the most efficient way to do things in game. Its been a way of connecting with people, not online but in real life most people these days game even if its just phones, so for the most part there is some obvious common ground between more people and it lets us talk and argue and trade ideas back and forth.
09/25 Direct Link
I enjoy arguing or debating, I noticed that when I lost people as friends one of the things I missed most about them is the discussions we had about whatever interest we shared. I just like bouncing ideas off of someone who has a different perspective, I normally don't talk that much but when its something I'm passionate about you cant shut me up even if most people end up wanting me to. I also like just randomly researching things, if a question pops into my head I'll sometimes just spend hours sometimes looking into it and its relating subjects.
09/26 Direct Link
Sometimes I think about the fact that its extremely likely life has existed and will exist outside of earth, and its also very likely we will never see them due to the constraints of physics and lack of resources, we wont even be able to leave the sol system by some estimates. Another that the vast majority of humans on earth wont ever go to any other planet or go to space, we spend our whole lives staring at the sky wondering whats out there and most of cant even step out into space and leave our blue-green pebble
09/27 Direct Link
I love going to cafes, I just sit there and read and sit and people-judge, just silently judging the people that walk in. Not always in a bad way its more like trying to figure out the persons story based on certain things about them like the way they walk or how they interact with the staff or what theyre ordering. I treat it like a story telling exercise just imagining an entire murder mystery about a guy based on a stain on his jeans and mud on his boots. its an alright way to pass a lazy day
09/28 Direct Link
I love game of thrones is my favorite show because of how the writers weave together disparate stories and then have go along there own lines making you wonder how they are at all connected until they all collide in a way that feel tragic and random but was really completely calculated to further a story goal. game of thrones has seemingly mastered the illusion of chaos, of a living breathing world where everything looks like its just actions randomly falling into place when truthfully every second is toward a clear goal building upon every moment to become a whole.
09/29 Direct Link
I have a bad track record with technology, I dont know if its just bad luck or im dumb but it seems like every device I own ends up broken to a thousand pieces or lost or heating up with the fan whirring and whirring so hard I feel like im being screamed at by the ghost of the computer it used to be. I have bad luck in general with keeping things, money, games, sometimes even food but technology hates me, like in a past life I was a jerk to Bill Gates and he cursed me or something.
09/30 Direct Link
Its the last day, this was interesting, I rarely free wrote before this I usually have a prompt focused and fine tuned before I even start writing if I care about what I'm saying. but this rambling word spaghetti was fun in a way just typing out what my I am thinking, especially when I'm listening to music, the words flow out faster or slower depending on what im listening to, hopefully faster right now because im kinda pressed for time at the moment. Words really do have power and its to plant ideas in your head like a seed.