REPORT A PROBLEM
As I walk through the doors, an invigorating smell takes over that energizes my senses. The smell of home cooking and sweet desserts mixed with pine and poinsettias overcomes the room. I make my way through the living room trying not to step on the smallest dog I have ever seen. My father stands in the kitchen with a huge smile on his face, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" he yells, as if he had not seen me in years, "Thanks Pop" I reply. He gives me a huge hug and kiss and shows me into the dining room where the entire family is gathered around a table of food. All at once everyone turns and screams, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"
Today I have decided to better my life, change my future, and become more fit. I am starting the gym today!!! A "New Year" has begun and a "New Me" has been born! Today is the start to a very fulfilling year full of long hours on the treadmill, heart pounding moments on the stair stepper, and days of sweating on the elliptical. I have trashed the doughnuts, the chocolate, the cake, the chocolate cake, and of course the chocolate doughnuts. I have subscribed to the health magazine and am now following gym-motivation on instagram. I even posted a selfie with hashtag "gym mode" on twitter. After a long day of posting, i am proud to say, tomorrow may be the day i start the gym.
"Three" is a very special number to me. You may even be able to call "three" my lucky number. My mother was one of three and gave birth to three boys of her own. My birthday lands on the third of the month and in third grade I was nominated smartest in my class. I graduated with a three point O and was accepted into three major league colleges. My house payment, water bill, electric bill, and cell phone bill all fall on the third of every month. This is also the third 100 word post I have completed for my ENC course! Luckily im done with this one ;)
From the inside out, you cannot see his pain. He walks with a smile on his face and a pep in his step to prove he is stronger than how he feels. If you ask him how he is doing he will tell you that he is doing great even though he walks with the weight of the world on his shoulders. If you ask him how his weekend went he will tell you of the places he visited and the events he attended, but he will leave out how empty he felt and how sad it left him. He does not ask for pity nor does he ask for help, he only asks that you see him as happy and strong, as those who see him from the inside out.
Looking back on the day is hard to make it all clear. Am i looking to hard at the past or is the vision blinded by fear. I try to think of how you made me laugh but it only brings me tears. Is this something i could have made last or was the end always near. So much pain you brought when you weren't hear. Not only to my soul but to everyone held dear. So i write you this letter in hopes that you hear, that i miss you so much, it grows stronger every year. Love you ma
There is a fire i thought burned out a long time ago. I lost its light in a dark place and thought it was gone forever. I was walking alone in the dark for a long time before I realized there was a glow coming from behind me. At first this light was faint and dim. I almost didn't recognize it at all. The closer i walked toward it, the more I began to realize it had been here the whole time. With each step i began to realize i had been walking in the wrong direction. I was angry and alone for no reason. This time i will keep my eyes on the light and make sure i never loose sight of the fire again.
Hope comes in the strangest of ways, it takes many forms. Hope can come to you in the form of money or power, and can even arrive in the form of a person. We all need hope, and we cannot live without it, yet so many of us are blind to it. I am hopeful for a better future. I am hopeful that i will complete my college courses and am hopeful that i will find the place i belong in this world. I am hopeful that i will not have to suffer in a world surrounded by hopelessness. I am hopeful that i will never loose sight of hope.
When I listen to peoples thoughts on cheating, they always seem the same, people do not cheat! I, on the other hand, think that this is complete bull. I believe that no one intends to cheat, but to be completely against it is not realistic. People get bored of people, relationships, events, and repetition. No one wants to be in the same boring place at the same boring time; I guarantee you something more exciting will come along. Maybe i am more of a realist and see things for whats they are, or maybe the fact that my parents cheated on each other has an ongoing effect on my thoughts on the subject. Either way, most people cheat, no mater what most people say. Actions speak louder than words.
As i pulled into the parking garage my stomach began to churn. I could feel the guts inside me twist and turn the closer i came to find a parking spot. The woman driving in front of me slowly turns the corner to ascend to the next floor. Looking at each individual spot, She creeps slowly trying to find a space closest to the exit. My hand lay on the horn from the anxiety building up inside of me. "GET OUT OF MY WAY!", I yell. I swerve around her and speed to the top of the garage where i whip my car into a spot. I step out of my car, take a deep breath, and release. My first day of school.
Rain drops fall down from the sky out of dark grey clouds throughout the city. There is a moisture in the air so thick it makes it hard to breathe. I run full speed across the street, one hand over my coffee and the other extended out toward incoming traffic, hoping that everyone stops. At this point i wish i was getting hit by a vehicle since i am already running 10 minutes late and my boss is most likely going to have a conniption fit when she notices i am late again. I run up the stairs and sneak into the morning meeting were i find everyone seated. "Are you kidding me!" Comes from the head of the table. I have no idea what to say.
Today was a long day at work. First, as soon as i press "enter" to clock in, I am told that the internet is down. This means that our customers can not use their credit or debit cards. At that moment I notice the Cash Only sign hanging in front of the register and a line of people waiting impatiently to purchase their shoes. From the opposite end of the store i hear someone screaming my name, "JONATHAN!". I look over to find my store manager waving her hands for me to come to the back. She informs me of the chaos going on and tells me to prepare myself for a busy night. By the end of the night my feet will be killing me, my head will be pounding, and my body will be weak.
With the first look she gave me i knew she was the one. I made my way across the room, past the clothing section, and into an area filled with shoes where she was standing. She wore a blue low cut shirt, short black shorts, new black shoes, and a lanyard that said ask me anything. Once i was closer i knew for certain she was the one. By the time i made it to her side, I was full of confidence and excitement, she knew i needed something. "How can i help you" she says. "Can you point me in the direction of the nearest restroom?", I reply with regret.
I do not know what to write about today. I find myself exhausted, in my room,a laying in bed, thinking of things to write, but nothing comes to mind. The sound of a sad movie playing in the background distracts me as they speak about the way the world has become empty and lifeless. I believe the world has become empty and lifeless. So many people hate their jobs, their responsibilities, or their lives. I too am one of those sad people. I hate that i don't know what i want or know where i am going. I want to be certain that i will be okay, that we will not all suffer forever. Nothing is definite.
I have recently made a few changes in my life to see if i can better myself. The first thing i did was start community college. This is nothing new since i have been coming to school off and on for the last 5 years. I have also quit smoking. Smoking has been a been a bad habit of mine for a few years now. The people i keep around me wonder whats wrong with me. They say i am more cynical and skeptical now. The last thing that i have changed in my life is the group of people i hang with. I miss them the most. Lets see where this year takes me.
Today i have arrived to school about two hours early. I come to the computer lab to complete my assignments since it seems a lot easier to focus in a room full of students. I sit here quietly wondering what the students around me are here studying. Who in this room will move on to do bigger and better things, I wonder. Does anyone in this room have the motivation to make a change in this world? We sit here together today but tomorrow the room will be filled with different faces. I will not recognize the faces of those i see today but I will still have the same questions about the ones sitting with me tomorrow.
I sit in the sun with my earbuds in. I play a station on Pandora that plays relaxing and slow jams. Each song that comes on takes me to a different marker in my life. The first song reminds me of the first person i created feeling for. This person introduced me to this song, and for this reason, i will always think of them when i hear it. It takes me back to being in bed with them, eating the breakfast they made for me, and the crazy dog they loved so much. It makes me sad that it didn't work out, but they helped me learn so much, and for that i will always be grateful to have met them.
I want to be more forgiving. I want to be more forgiving specifically towards my father. He has worked his whole life to support his wife and children and though we have our differences I hope he knows how much i appreciate him. He wakes up every morning, monday through firday, at three A.M to open his restaurant. I look into his eyes and see that he has grown tired of doing this routine everyday for the last 30 years. I come to school so that i can help him the way he has helped me these past 25 years.
We look into each others eyes, but i feel nothing inside. I am damaged and broken, I am no good for him. He waits patiently then asks me whats wrong. I take a moment then reply with, "nothings wrong". He has done nothing wrong to me, i love him, but i feel nothing inside. I feel nothing not because he has done me wrong, cheated, or lied, but because I am sad, hurt, and lost. I lost someone very close to me at a time when i needed them the most. I have learned that I will never love the same way ever again. It kills me that i cannot open up to him about it, but it would kill me more if he knew i was defective. I stare into his eyes in hope that he will not see my pain.
I received the most incredible news yesterday; I found out my best friend is pregnant! At first I thought the idea that she was pregnant to be insane, knowing that she has only been with her boyfriend for a few months, but after taking to her about it I can't help but to be excited and supportive. I asked her how she knew she was carrying a new addition to our family and she replied with the most common answer, "a pregnancy test!" So many changes are headed her way and I can't wait to experience them by her side.
When I look into his eyes I see my future. I see myself standing next to the smartest, gentlest, and sexiest man I have ever met. I aspire to be more like him in every way and I know he makes me better with everyday we spend together. I sometimes cannot believe that I am the one by his side. He walks in front of me at the mall and I notice everyone watching his every move. I feel lucky knowing that he is going to be here for me for a while and am hopeful to reach the future I imagine.
Happy Birthday Ava! The first day i met Ava I remember thinking, what a beautiful little baby! Today i look at her and she is turning one years old. What once was a little precious baby has now turned into this beautiful little lady! I look over and see her with her mother under the cabana that has now turned into an Hawaiian style luau filled with cakes, gummy worms, and cake pops. The presents are stacked to the roof and beside them you will find a book filled with notes from loved ones wishing Ava a happy birthday. Everyone is happy today and so am I. What a special day that we will all remember for a lifetime.
Tonight I can not seem to fall asleep. I sit downstairs starring at my two pits sleeping in their cages wondering how they can really sleep with my loud ass typing. Adele has now put her head up and is making a moaning sounds, as if she is telling me to go to bed and shut off the light, but Miko is completely still and snoring. These dogs have only been in our family for about a year now but they are already so loved and welcomed by the everyone. They are the sweetest puppies and are so smart. Cannot wait to see them grow.
Please don't stop loving me. You left me at a Walgreens tonight, and without thinking for a second about my safety, you drove off. Sure, i may have told you i was fine with you leaving, but a part of me thought you would never do that because i would never leave you. You left me without thinking about the two minutes i spent in the store in search of your favorite toothpaste so that you could brush your teeth in the morning. You left because you needed McDonalds at that very second. Tonight you acted like a child. You are angry with me because you think i went through your phone. Something tells me that you are hiding something but i ignore it. You are pushing me to an edge, that if i fall, i will never be able to return back.
I sit in the kitchen today frustrated with Pearson My Lab And Mastering. I am reading through each text, and watching every video, but i get to the test and the questions have nothing to do with what i just read or watched. It makes me feel defeated that i cannot figure out what I am doing wrong. It could just be that i am not intelligent enough to comprehend what is right in front of me, but i highly deny that scenario. Monday i will get to class early and try my hardest to have my awesome professor help me out with these issues.
(1) The sun is blinding today. I walk out into a field that is covered in the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen. The colors float around my eyes as the flowers change from white daisies to yellow sunflowers. The red roses in the distance are dancing to the wind that whips them in circles and moves them side to side. I can smell jasmine if I turn my head to the right, and lavender if I turn my head to the left. I begin to run through this field of flowers wondering how so many beautiful things can grow in a single area. I trip over a root and find myself rolling down a steep hill only to hit my head on a rock. I fall asleep.
(2) I awaken in the night startled by a loud howl I hear in the distance. When i open my eyes I am no longer in a field of warmth and beautiful flowers, but instead, in a cold, and lifeless field of darkness. My breathing begins to accelerate as i start to remember the events of the day before. "How long have i been knocked out for?" I ask myself as i rub my injured head. I put both hands on the floor to pick myself up and notice that what was once grass, is now mud. I try to pick myself up, but feel an immense amount of weight coming from my right leg. I look down but can only see darkness. When i feel for where my leg should be, I feel nothing.
(3) A few days ago I was hiking the most beautiful trail I have ever seen here in India, but today I lay trapped, in a dark field, awaiting my death. The morning is close as i can begin to make out the trees and plants around me. My right leg has been completely submerged underneath the ground in what seems to be quick sand. I try my hardest to pull out from the sands grip, but it is to strong. I cannot wiggle my toes nor feel my foot underneath the heavy ground. I can no longer smell fresh flowers, but instead smell a death like smell coming from the sands.
(4) The burning hot sun is intense today. The last couple of days have not been this bad due to the cloud coverage. The clouds are absent today leaving me to fight the sun rays on my own. Food is a commodity that has been absent. I have not eaten in four days, nor have i had anything to drink. My mouth is completely dried and i can no longer produce saliva. The fear of death has gone leaving me with hope that the end will arrive soon. I lay, one foot in the ground, in the middle of nowhere, knowing that no one will find me.
(5) I have lost count of the days but I know I will not last much longer with the amount of blood on my pants coming from my urine. My skin has blisters from the sun, my stomach churns from the lack of food, and my mouth bleeds from the dryness of not having water. I lay lifeless staring at the colorful sky above me which tells me the sun is setting. "This will be my last sunset," i tell myself. I close my eyes and begin to think of death. As soon as i feel myself being separated from my body i hear a voice, "Michael?"
(6) My eyes fly open and my heart begins to accelerate as i check my surroundings for a sign of life. I see nothing but my leg in the mud and wildlife growing all around me. I try to yell for help, but my voice will not allow me to speak due to the severe cotton mouth. All i hear now is silence. I lay lifeless, silent, and numb. I close my eyes and begin to fade out again. All of a sudden i hear people talking in the distance which forces my eyes to spring open. Everything looks shockingly different this time. I am no longer stuck in the quick sand in the dark, but am instead standing in the middle of the bright field of flowers i once stood in a few days ago.
This year I am planning Valentines day early! I am going to plan a surprising weekend get away full of fun and adventure. I want to start by booking a room at a romantic hotel on the beach, then stock it with red roses and chocolates. The counter tops will be full of lit candles and there will be a pathway of rose petals that lead into the bathroom. The tub will be almost filled to the top with water and a bath bomb will rest on the rim awaiting its fate. It will be a night to remember for us both.
The Tip Jar