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For the first time, in what I thought was my life, I was seeing the world through new eyes. I was now acutely aware of everything around me and I now knew why and how this world came into existence. For the first time I understood the dynamic chemistry and the incredible forces that dictated what was to come. The eons of time, at least as much as my tiny mind could encompass, that it took to grow and evolve into this rich, awesome, diverse, reality. Only to see the hand of man reaching out to destroy, for folly's sake.
The brain is so amazing. Did you know that the brain is in a constant state of change. Each new input causes the synapses and neurons to make new connection. Even more fascinating is that we also have "mirror" neurons that allow us to see ourselves through the eyes of others.playing a duplicitous job of ordering social structure, and personal identification. Another facet is that we have the ability to control emotions and gain self- awareness to modify behavior. So through training and focus we can actually manifest positive changes in not only our lives but in others too.
If I have a troubled soul, you make it still. Yet every night you ignite me to burn bright flame. When you return to take me, my lips, my skin remember, the beating of my heart repeats your name. Desire is a poison, and love is the end game. enjoy it while you can, for when its gone...... Am I a different man to every man I meet? Is there a difference in them that make the difference in me. And this is how we loose ourselves to ourselves, in a vain struggle of a hope to be free. Love.
How much time have I lost it seems to be an eternity and now that I'm older time seems to go so quickly. Now I feel myself falling behind. I double my efforts to to keep up. The only thing that keeps me going is I pass others on the way. Does that give me some kind of false impression that I'm succeeding? Im so tired. I just want to sleep but then all those wonderful things that I love to do will be lost along the way. I'm not the first to feel this way. Won't be the last.
Hey, lookie there. Do you see that odd pair? Who would have thought that a Bird and a Bear, could fall deeply in love and suffer such a tragic affair. By full moon of spring in the deepest dark wood, Bird called-out a love song, Bear growled and he stood. Enthralled and enraptured with each other they both fell in love, then and there. You'll never know when love start to grow in two hearts that are paired. And you'll never know when love up and dies in despair. I will always love you, I will never leave you.
Serendipity. I recently found out that humans constructed a machine that could detect graviton waves this year. They had just finished constructing the prototype and were just fine-tuning it when something miraculous happened. A billion years ago 2 very big blackholes collided and exploded which sent graviton waves rolling through space for eons and at the very moment man was fine-tuning his machine this graviton wave happen to come over our solar system.Just in time to detect the graviton waves and prove that they really exist. Serendipity or just good timing? The world may never know. Really?
Why don't we tell children the truth? Why didn't anyone tell me? Why did I have to discover that our existence here is meaningless? We cultivate our own purpose and our own agenda. Most of us born into a life knowing nothing but our own wants and needs. In this life there is no magic, no etherial other worlds. Only the Here and Now what we can see, feel,touch, hear, smell, taste. Our brain can trick us into believing there's something else but it's just a trick. The only magic we have is Love. And its in short supply.
Where do we go when we die? What happens when life leaves our bodies? Where were we before? The Earth is over four billion years old. I don't remember any of that. My first memory is being in my mother's arms the soft touch of her skin, the smell of her hair, the sound of her voice singing to me. Will I remember after I die? I don't think so. I feel that we will slip into that quiet Oblivion where time cannot touch us. I find comfort in this. Who wants to attend an Eternity party with no end?
Life, for all of its pain and sorrow, is still life, and it is ours. We can find moments of happiness and periods of joy. You can wallow in self-pity and pain and turn around and pick your selves up to taste the happiness that can be had. We struggle, we succeed and then fall, and then turn around to do it all again. Life won't let go. When you are tired and find you dont want to go on, facing the finality of death, a voice from inside says "wait! I want to live........ just a little longer!
I am the universe's way of looking at itself. First I see myself, and then I see the world around me. It's easy to lose yourself to yourself at this point, but if you can find the way out you will notice that there's a universe out there waiting to be discovered. Even though this universe doesn't seem to care anything about you, you find you still need to know more about it. The macro, and the micro. Your desire is to experience everything subtle and gross. This is only the universe experiencing itself, here for a moment, then gone.
Don't you hate it when you eat too much. For some reason your just hungry, and you keep eating all day and all night, by the time you get to bed your belly is all swollen and tight. You feel very uncomfortable. Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it some kind of gluttony gene? Then we tried to go to sleep, we're suffering because our belly is so distended all we want to do is get rid of it. You could take some Pepto, or Mylanta, but I used an ancient method, tried and true, I throw up.
I found recently that I'm a member of society that is most distrusted. A segment of society that is looked down on, and feared. I am told that we are the scourge of the planet, that we eat little children and commit ourselves to dark religious behaviors that we don't really believe in. To begin with, I don't even believe in religions. I have nothing to do with superstitions, the occult, the Paranormal, the divine. To me all of these things are but figments of the imagination. I don't submit myself to delusion to answer for what happens in life.
I love my dog. His name is Monster. You may not think I love my dog because I called him Monster, but that is neither here nor there, because I love him. He is an American Bulldog and weighs all of 98 pounds. He sleeps under my bed, so I tell people I have a monster under my bed. I take him for long walks, I'll take him to the beach, and if I go to the store for a short trip I'll take him along with me, just to go. He's my best friend, and I love my Monster.
I learned that I won a lottery in this thing called life. So many species were born, lived, and died on this planet. Most of them wiped out. But we won the genetic toss of the dice. We got to be born out of all the creatures that ever did spawn upon this planet, we are the ones that got to evolve the most. We consider ourselves intelligent but are we? We're just the latest rung on a ladder that climbs up into Infinity. We will be the last to live who remember life before technology. Our humanity is lost.
What a drag it is getting old. I remember I used to run everywhere. I used to jump from high places, I used to climb trees, and I had all this energy. I would stay all day out in the forest up in Washington where I lived. Then come home in the waning hours, exhausted from all that I did that day. But it's been four decades since those days. Now my knees pop, my wrists and ankles hurt, my back is bent, my head spins. How did I get so old so quick? It shouldn't be this fast!
What I learned from biological basis of psychology. Learning the different parts of the brain, and how they function. Giving me a reference to understand the developmental processes it took evolution, over millions of years, for the brain to develop. How to function trying different methods. Evolving new ways to deal with environment and its changes. Some work for the better, some not. The other thing I learned about the biological basis of psychology is that there is a logistic experimentation that, as an animal lover, I find distasteful. Can we not find our answers without torturing unsuspecting lesser creatures?
I started to learn playing piano when I was a small boy. I just wanted to play it so bad, I would start mimicing music from the radio instead of the lessons of the teacher. Later on, in adulthood, I actually acquired a piano. I started teaching myself. Before long I was playing music I heard on the radio. Then I started composing some of my own stuff. It was so nice to be able to sit in that dark room with my piano and play my music while it rained hard outside. Losing Myself. Oh, I miss those days!
I hate being a drug addict. Always being tied to that bottle in the Medicine Chest. Can't go anywhere for very long. I have been trying to wean myself off of these things. It's very difficult, but I am doing it. Now I'm close to the end of my tunnel, and I can see the light right there in front of me. My medical caretakers are letting me down. They want me to go to pain management. I will live with the pain. I don't want any more pills. I want to be free from this Albatross about my neck!
Common fantasy, to be able to fly. To simply will yourself off the ground and speed off into the distance. The wind whipping through your hair seeing, the world from a different perspective. Not being afraid, but rising to the challenge. To see how high you can go! The further you go the stronger you feel. Before your know it your looking down on a Blue Marble, and you look around the Cosmos and stare in awe. Motivated by curiosity, you fly to the furthest reaches of Galaxy clusters mezmorized by all that you find! Wait! Where's home? I'm lost!
I'm watching the news, the national news. It's making me angry. I want to know why a human being with perfectly adequate faculties can not know the difference between a fact and a falsehood! I mean is that person just catering to some personal feeling, and they just don't want to let it go? Can they not see the fallacy of thinking this way? How it will cost a price of respect and trust. I know that most humans have the ability to follow a line of reasoning to its logical, reasonable conclusion. It smacks of intellectual dishonesty! You see?
I just recently got me a fancy, new smartphone. It's got so many bells and whistles on it! Just recently I learned how to download music from YouTube, have it put directly into my phone. The guy at the phone store said that would be illegal. So I guess I'm a criminal, but I know I'm not the only one! I've done the same with movies. Not very often, just ones I'd really like to see. I don't have a lot of money to go spend at the theaters. When I do go, I take my own candy and soda!
10 years ago I could not imagine living by myself. I'm the kind of person that always has to have people around. I'm always having to busy myself taking care of their needs, never tending to my own. Then four years ago I woke up! I realized my family would never conform to my ideals. Who could tell other people how to live their lives? So I gave it all up. They can live their lives how they want to! If it causes pain, so be it! I have to live my life. It's all I got!
Earth is dying. We hollowed out all resources this planet had. We shat where we ate! Now scientists say there's a planet out there very similar to ours. Humanity spent trillions of dollars for a faster-than-light Drive, millions of lives building the ship to convey me to this new planet. Never touched by humans! It's so beautiful! I can't let us spoil it! The right two use up planets is wrong! We won't learn. I'll dispatch a message "environment uninhabitable!" We had our chance and we f***** it up! Let this world evolve new life to experience consciousness!
Never ride with anyone you only know thru someone else. Always take your own car. More often than not you submit yourself to irritating torture waiting on someone else when your ready to leave. Exhausting small talk with people you don't really care to know. The ineffectual way that "someone" wont take your hint your ready to go. Irritation turns to rage. Your not in your environment so you try to maintain control. Finally! "Someone" is now ready to go, and he takes the time to say goodbye to all. Silence betrays your anger riding home. Take your own car!
I love my new car. Well, it's new to me! It's a convertible. It makes me feel good to ride with the wind blowing through my hair, my dog in the passenger seat. Flying over the Tampa Bay bridges in the sunshine, this is the life. Man, this thing goes fast. I call him Jet. When I git some more money I'm gonna treat him good with a change of fluids, and new tires. Maybe even change his colour to something more sporty. I will buy some nice fabric to cover the seats, make 'em look sharp. Love my car!
One of the things I miss most about my youth is dancing. I remember going, every Sunday afternoon, to the Village Station in Dallas, Tx. Five dollar cover and 10cent drinks all night. I would be on the floor long before anyone else, dancing up a sweat. Not only dancing alone, but with someone who actually knows how to swing a partner across the dance floor with grace and finesse. Whirling and twirling with the rhythm, having full confidence in your partner to swing you the right way. Those days I miss. Do young people dance these days? I wonder.
Stop pretending to know things you really don't know. There are things you can believe, cause you choose to, and there are things you know, facts. You can believe there is a god, but for all intent purposes we still have to deal with reality, and hard evidence. To negotiate our way through this world. I'ts hard enough to deal with humans, and our complex behaviors, without delusional assumptions on how some deity wants us to change our nature. Why is it so hard to see ourselves as we are without inflicting unfounded social constructs on our selves. It's insanity!
Since the times of old, humans have always had a fascination with magic. Fanciful flights of imagination fueled stories of wizards, dragons charmed amulets and darkness in which to hide it all. The desire to tap into that mysterious realm where reality is naught, and powers of past, present, future can be had at a reading of tarot cards or questioning a trance induced medium. I remember wanting all these things to be true when I was a child. Now I see with the eyes of a critical thinking. There is no magic that is valid but one. Agape Love.
I live in a country that worships celebrity, money, Jesus and unmitigated gall. You can walk all over the populace and take their rights and money just by distracting them with rich, or poor, women duking it out on TV. Fast food is still the norm. Time is Money! The people that work are too tired to care what is on the tele. They just want to take care of priorities,(kids, dinner, money stuff), Then go straight to bed. The ones that don't work get used to it and wonder why they ain't goin' anywhere. Will they know.
You were always the one who could make me smile. You were there through the pain and the sorrow. I could always count on you to sit with me awhile and we'd not speak a word till tomorrow. We know through our eyes what the other is thinking, and wanting, and waiting to share. My eyes closed you take it for tacit compliance and we dance the way humans danced since forever. the strength of embrace, an expression of beautiful pain on our faces. The sweet tender way you let me fall in your arms, why cant you be mine?
Most of my young adulthood, most of my middle age I've been searching for peace. Not only in myself but in my environment, in the few relationships I have forged over the years in a way it torments me I didn't Awaken sooner. So much I could have done. I'm here now,I will! I will endeavor to do all to show the young there is something else more entertaining then Hollywood and reality TV there is life if you like drama, Adventure, Romance, mystery,there is plenty of it. Can't you see ? Out there in the Great Big World!
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